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Kabuteng P.Ink K.
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Oh Poop! Too Funny Not to Share!!

Blog Posted by Kabuteng P.Ink K.: 1/28/2012 11:20:00 AM
I swear I am laughing right now as I type this, ok more like cackling-- I was laughing literally for minutes!! I think I popped a vein laughing, in between laughing fits here...warning btw, reading this might make you look crazy :) I know I do...getting teary eyed and all...

Today, I remembered this forwarded email to me way back in college and I remember how that is one of the (if not THE) funniest forwarded email I have ever received...I was laughing non-stop from before, and reading it in its entirety after almost a decade still made me laugh non-stop--it was such a coincidence that I read Chris' poem after....

I had to search for it again, thanks to Chris' poopy write--that sure was funny Chris, thanks for that-- hahaha so I will be nice and share it with all of you here...I hope you find it as Hilarious as I did!

Well I hope this is not a flushable topic??? Who'd have thunk?? Me posting a blog on poop, haha 



 
The Different Types Of Poop
 
Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
 
Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!
 
Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
 
Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.
 
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
 
Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
 
Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
 
King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.
 
Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.
 
Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!
 
Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.
 
Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
 
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
 
Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.
 
Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.
 
The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
 
The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.
 
The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
 
The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
 
The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
 
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
 
The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice its normal size.
 
Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.
 
The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
 
The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
 
Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
 
The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.
 
Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!
 
The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.


have great weekend everybody!! and to those who entered my contest, I will be finalizing soon, thanks again :D!!
 


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Date: 1/29/2012 9:45:00 PM
And oh yeah, if there was ever an option for faving a blog, I definitely would add this to my faves! hahaha! ooh my captcha is telling me something spicy-- SPYC-- haha that or I am a spy-- ok done spying here ---out I go again...oops I misspelled Kash's name, sorry I meant kash
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Date: 1/29/2012 9:43:00 PM
pd, haha yeah, me too I need that Bali Belly like you and Andrea (oh Andrea, S car go hahaha) and lol Nathan's got the gooey poopy stuff eh? O_o too revealing.... I'll pas by your poem later after I get back ok? gotta run (nope not to the toilet haha) and Vince, you got that right! They sure forgot the Bull poop! Very witty :); Carolyn, yuppers I never realized the many kinds of poop! and nette: ewww poor janitor to do the mopping o_O!!
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Date: 1/29/2012 9:40:00 PM
Debbie, do pass it on, happy that it made you laugh ^_^; Gail, you are very welcome! Haha I am still laughing; Kas, thanks for the tip, I have to remember to check him out; Chris haha why am I not surprised at all that you LOVE this blog? Poop and vomit, that's the way to your heart, eh? :p
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Date: 1/29/2012 9:37:00 PM
AWWX, so many dropped by here as well, thanks Andrea (haha ya, poopy snails, mmm them cooked in coconut milk and some chili is GOOD!), Cyndi (heehee, NincomPoop is Funny! & yes, always at somebody else's house), Carrie (yup, that sure could help!! heehee laughter is the best medicine, righty?), Linda (so nice to see you here, haha happy that it intrigued you enough to check it out)
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Date: 1/29/2012 9:07:00 PM
a laughing gas, hahaha, nikks!!.. how about FLOOR MOP POOP??.. here you are standing in a long line of a nicey public toilet and can;t hold it any longer.. uhhh oh!!..:) hugggs
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Date: 1/29/2012 12:57:00 PM
We've always made jokes about explosive diarrhea, but I never realized there were so many different types of poop. LOL I read Chris's poem too and it was hilarious! You go, Chris. Thanks for this witty blog, Nikko. Love, Carolyn
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Date: 1/28/2012 9:03:00 PM
NIKKO.. WE SHOULD HAVE A PAGE WITH ALL THE TOP BLOGS... LOL... THIS WOULD POOP IT'S WAY TO #1...
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Date: 1/28/2012 8:10:00 PM
Funny. You forgot Bull poop. This is the kind that comes out of a politicians mouth. Gotta Go. No? Really.
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Date: 1/28/2012 7:25:00 PM
yikes... that made my skin crawl.. i send my comment and so did that impostor of Chris... sorry... don't feel right to know heshe was thinking of you too...lol... and by the way.. just so you know.. i scanned this blog early.. and was the first thing i had to come comment .. now that i have time... peace.. always..pd...
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Date: 1/28/2012 7:20:00 PM
first of all I'm gonna say..only you Nikko...lol.. secondly... I should tell Nathan, paper will lower the skid marks..lol.. get it... gooeyyyy poop... and as for me.. tell me how to get *** Bali Belly Poop*** lol i need to lose 5 kilos... you are one silly xool... one... I'll be here all night... stop by my poem..okay..always... pd
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Date: 1/28/2012 7:01:00 PM
Salvador Dali and not Salvadore....
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Date: 1/28/2012 6:58:00 PM
To write more blogs like this one read Salvadore Dali's 'Diary of a Genius'.You will get more materials there.
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Date: 1/28/2012 6:27:00 PM
Cyndi, funny answers. I'd rather die than have to eat Escargots and cabbage!! did you hear about the snail who bought a little car and painted an S on it. He wanted all the other snails to say. "Look at that S-CAR-GO!"
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Date: 1/28/2012 5:52:00 PM
Oh MY I needed that LAUGH!!! THANKS I intend to pass it on!
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Date: 1/28/2012 3:38:00 PM
oh wow. WOOOW!!! it just made me laugh as to why anybody would do a blog on poop. hahaha! but so true, though. i'll keep these different types of poop in mind! :P -linda
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Date: 1/28/2012 2:31:00 PM
They should hang this on the wall of every proctologist's office!!!! That's one place that could use a laugh, don't ya think, ???!!
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Date: 1/28/2012 1:57:00 PM
ANDREA- ESCARGOTS, Dear. I'm from Quebec. They are actually tasty with warm, melted garlic butter to dip them in ;-) And yes, I've tried frog legs. They are rather greasy, (the ones I had), and reminded me of goose. OH, Wait, second solution to the BALI BELLY. LOL.
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Date: 1/28/2012 1:54:00 PM
ANDREA 1) WENDY'S CHILI FOR DINNER, NEXT MORNING ALL BRAN CEREAL, FOLLOWED BY A CABAGE SOUP, PRUNE JUICE and A FIBRE ONE BAR, LASTLY, EAT BAKED BEANS FOR DINNER, CHUG BACK A GALLON OF WATER AND JUST WAIT.
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Date: 1/28/2012 1:50:00 PM
Sweetie, you have me all pooped out. Ha Ha. One's not one there. The NINCOMPOOP: The poo you have to do once you hear or read something really funny. This usually happens while company is over, and the bathroom is already occupied. ;-)
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Date: 1/28/2012 1:20:00 PM
love the poopy looking snails. hahaha (how can people eat those things?)
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Date: 1/28/2012 1:20:00 PM
This is a saver, Nikko. hahaha.CAn someone please tell me how to get the Bali Belly???
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Date: 1/28/2012 12:59:00 PM
Oh boy, I know what you mean, and you're very welcome Jack :), i haven't laughed this much in a day for ages--I am still laughing, it's scary, even if I read just one of these poop types, I burst into laughter... gosh, my sleep literally went out the window because of this, oh buggy O_o. Ok I'm going now,. I better sleep this off, I have a feeling I will be dreaming of poop...
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Date: 1/28/2012 12:54:00 PM
LOL, I'm laughing so much I'm hurting now! Thanks, Nikko - best laugh I've had for ages
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Date: 1/28/2012 12:49:00 PM
Happy to share this, Catie :) thanks for reading :D and oops! I;m sorry Linda, I got sidetracked by this poopy blog, I wasn't able to write for your contest, oh bummer :(
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Date: 1/28/2012 12:01:00 PM
Oh my gosh, my phone thinks I'm a poop face, haha! I was typing 'faves' and it came out as faces, lol
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Date: 1/28/2012 11:54:00 AM
Oh my gosh, it's taking me Forever to edit my blog.... Wanted to add that Just when I thought I'm done laughing, I get another laughing fit and get tear eyed. + have a tummy ache now. And haha David, yup, Chris started the poop epidemic and yup, best to stay at home ;D, happy you liked it & yup, it sure would be awesome to print....and Linda and Ron, happy too you found this funny- heehee I have too many faces, I love them all! HAHA
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Date: 1/28/2012 11:48:00 AM
well what a way to perk up a Saturday Nikko.. I think Ghost Poop is my fav sweetie... Ron is hysterical right now so if typos.. u are the reason why..haha..
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Date: 1/28/2012 11:44:00 AM
See Chris now you have started a poop challenge ha ha ha ,Nikko I have had to actually print this out, very very funny., though I don't think I shall eat out tonight..David
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