Shopping For Spiritual Fulfillment - Karen Feist's Blog

<P><FONT color=#0000ff>It <EM>must</EM> be some kind of spiritual something when I find myself dazed and confused as I empty the contents of my shopping cart onto the moving counter and into the hands of the cashier at Walmart at 3 in the morning.&nbsp; When I arrived at midnight, my plan was to pick up a few things.&nbsp; I am home now, &nbsp;tapping away at this keyboard as if it was going to suddenly spill out the description of what goes on in my mind when I walk aimlessly up and down each ailse throwing stuff in my cart with the full knowledge of my promise to not use the charge cards anymore.&nbsp;&nbsp; What is up with that?&nbsp; Do&nbsp;I really just not care about the consequences?&nbsp; I think I actually believe there are no consequences or I wouldn't do it.&nbsp; My picture of my mind during a shopping spree is of a blank slate.&nbsp; An empty square foot of nothingness with an engine that enables me to fill up a cart, charge it on a credit card, and go home feeling relieved and redeemed.&nbsp; Relieved of what?&nbsp; Redeemed by whom?&nbsp; It is absolutely insane and I know I am not taking anything back because I know I can make it up by not buying anything else for a few months.&nbsp; But the few months is not a solid, written in cement fact.&nbsp; It could change at any minute, just like it did tonight.&nbsp; I can justify my every cent I spent&nbsp; (In my own mind, of course).&nbsp; I will tell my husband when he gets home and he will worry that the bills are not getting paid.&nbsp; I never worry about such mundane things...the bills always get paid, sooner or later.&nbsp; This is my pain-body looking for food.&nbsp; It knows that this shopping thing will create pain for me and my honey, perhaps even an argument, where the pain body can absorb the vibrations of emotional upset until it is full and then it lies dorment while we pick up the pieces and go on to til the next "feeding."&nbsp; And that's my BLOG for today, 08/08/08. </FONT><FONT color=#0000ff>It does actually feel like another entity is speaking through me as I tap away on this keyboard.&nbsp;&nbsp; What I've written is the only thing that has made any sense to me at all regarding this behaviour.&nbsp;&nbsp; Comments and suggestions are welcome.&nbsp; I hate that I lose all control when I blindly walk into a Walmart after midnight.&nbsp; Is there anyone out there who does this?&nbsp; It must ring a bell in someone's memory.&nbsp;&nbsp; Thanks for listening.&nbsp; Have a wonderful, peace-filled day at the Soup.&nbsp; Check out my poem "Paying With Cash" for a more detailed description of this dilemma.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; love, Karen</FONT></P>

Vince Suzadail Jr. Date: 8/10/2008 4:46:00 AM It's a compulsion. I battle with it all my life and am usually on the losing end. It's an addiction that can be broken, but few of us have the will to do so. Now, I've picked up a few more. Ice cream is becoming a major. I actually came downstairs one night to grab a bowl at about 3AM and when I took the lid off, there was a note inside from my son that said "DAD, STAY OUT OF THE ICE CREAM." Cold turkey is probably the best way. Cold Turkey? That sounds edible. Oh well! God Bless. Vince Login to Reply