Funny Women Poems | Examples
These Funny Women poems are examples of Women poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Women Funny poems written by international poets.
I have a best friend
We call each other cousin
Actually, I have ten best friends
But this one and I call each other cousin
We used to teach together
We were always in cahoots
the principal would ask “where is your cousin?”
The kids said we could not be cousins
I told them we are spiritual cousins
This satisfied them
Kids are easy
One day I was sliding into her truck
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP
The loudest longest gas stream came out
I turned and looked at her
She said “I love you, Cousin!”
We could not stop laughing
Even for teachers farting is funny
There lives a gentleman from Luff
Who walks everywhere in the buff
His weeny is teeny
He calls it his winky
A stump that can't fill a cream puff.
Ladies would be left in despair
But he didn't really care
He got what he wanted
Frustrated, they taunted
And decided give him a scare.
They tied him to an 'lectric chair
Placed electrodes on you know where
They pulled down on the switch
His stump started to twitch
It stood bright like a giant flare
You'd think he would very happy
Making a stump long and snazzy
The women were smiling
The man was now crying
Wink shrivelled, weirdly and badly
From that day he always wore clothes
With women he instantly froze
He's fearful of leccy
Winky is now Becky
And parades in yearly freak shows.
25.07.25
there was a softness about the maiden that reminded me of a rose
she was elusive, but it made her somehow tantalizing
refined? yes Elegant? oh, my, yes!
She was holding a rose when I first spied her.
she seemed as subtle and sensitive as the rose
She was an artist's delight; her petals soft and delicate.
what is her name? I asked her mother
Lily, she told me.
I want to call her Rose, I said.
Funny you should say that; her grandmother was named Rose.
Arise, Align, Acclimate,
Beautify, Captivate,
Dare to Dance, Demonstrate,
Energize, Elevate.
Fancy, Flower, Feminize,
Glitter, Glow, Girlify.
Harmonize, Initiate,
Jazzy up, Jubilate.
Knock'er down, Keep'er up,
Kiss it off, Light it up.
Mama'tize, Motivate,
Naughty, Nice, Negotiate.
Open-heart operate,
Pretty up, Propagate.
Queen'ify, Q'tify
Rev it up, Revitalize.
Sexify, Sophisticate,
Trendy up, Tantalize.
Ultimate, Utilize,
Validate, Visualize.
Wigglize, Whip it up,
Yummi'fy,
Zip it up!
Woman A and Woman B
Woman A speaks about Woman B
Don’t know what she sees in her husband for the life of me
I run in to the bathroom and meet Woman B
Woman A needs a day off, without delay she says if you ask me.
She is losing it; the funny farm will soon be part of her day.
I bolt as soon as I do my business, no reason to stay.
Best friends after work, A and B leave hand in hand.
I keep my mouth shut, not relishing this kind of quick sand.
I am an original she told us, I am messy and weird.
We had no actual knowledge, but believed her for a minute.
Within an hour we realized that her words were not sassy or saucy.
Her speech was not exciting or fun.
Even her dance moves were predictable.
She was rather bland, boring, banal.
Didn’t she say she was an original? We asked each other.
She had set herself up, but she had not lived up.
We expected so much more.
We expected zing, zest, enthusiasm, excitement,
Dazzling conversation, diabolically funny wit.
I am so creative! So wild! So wonderful! So free!
We did not discuss it, but we all wondered.
Is it possible for us all to miss it?
Or had she set herself up for a plunge?
Forgetful moments, hair thinning,
Memories fading, ears ringing,
Hands wrinkled, boobs drooping,
Knees weak, words looping,
Silver top, hot flushing,
Bladder weakness, loo rushing,
Bones tired, sleeping less,
Couldn’t care, such a mess,
Eyes blurring, tummy tucks,
Getting older, really sucks.
It was funny at first.
I bought groceries at McDon’s
She switched grocery stores
And began shopping there too.
I made a famous Jell-o salad for neighborhood picnics.
She asked for the recipe and began bringing it too.
Okay. Dokey.
No problem. I can survive this.
She began showing up where ever I was.
The pool, clothing stores, the park.
It is as if she was tracking my phone.
I have a stalker I told people; and I laughed.
After a few months of this
It stopped being a coincidence
And it stopped being funny.
God ribbing Adam
Eve with Lilith’s bone to pick~
dare to take a bite
***
Without it, some girls are just pale,
Girls use it to attract males,
Although it can be pretty,
Its history's a bit gritty,
Most lipsticks contain fish scales!
Sheila and Tony were friends at work, nothing more.
Discussing silly things, exchanging quips and tips with each other.
They had their own peculiar gestures and funny looks.
It was noticed by the others, but they were mostly older women.
Wise sages who understood the leaning in language before they did.
They are so young! The crones thought, amused.
Wisely kept the leaning in to themselves, noticing but not commenting.
For every person must discover their own love story in their own way.
Noting things often ruins them, and these were experienced women.
When Sheila shyly told the crones she was thinking about dating Tony
Entire floor of employees heard, remembering their own love stories.
Money exchanged hands, for bets had been placed months ahead.
Trifle Un Delightful.
If life is a Trifle
Un delightful
As it seems nothing goes to plan
Your left in a spin
But you try the best you can
If your that kind of woman
I’m your man
If you want plenty of cheer
After a few beers
And someone to dry your tears
I’ll do the best I can
If your that kind of woman
I'm your man
If your day has gone down the plug hole
You need a hug and a moan
To someone who understands
You can cry on my shoulder
If your that kind of woman
I’m your man
If you climb into bed
And I get the urge
To show you I’m a man
And you say ‘’I have a headache’’
And your that kind of woman
I’m a man
With a problem in my hand.
Peter Dome©2019.
I had a wonderful dream,
last night,
I was not me,
I was svelte,
Refused a piece of cake,
ate all my vegetables,
Was an expert in karate,
earned my black belt,
My hair was long,
lustrous waves of gold,
I kicked my mental demons,
Into oblivion,
They flew thru,
the magnetic meridian,
I was the me,
I always wanted to be,
I awoke from my dream,
Lying there thinking,
I am strong,
No black belt needed,
I'm not blond,
But I can change that,
My mental strength,
is my super power,
But refusing that piece of cake,
Let's not get carried away!
Where is my Wonder Woman,
When I really need her?
dollar for each pound you weigh,
many angered up at this
largest woman there, most kind
she was worth her weight
I’ve had enough…
Of your whimpering cries…
Your slanderous comments…
And outrageous lies.
So keep it up…
You self-righteous *****…
I’ve been called far worse…
Even a volatile witch!
You think it’s funny…
This stupid little game…
Go on, have a laugh…
I still hurt just the same.
If the game must be played…
Let Karma take place…
One day you’ll have regrets…
Three times back in your face.
So have a great time…
Knock yourself out…
But don’t forget…
Karma’s out and about!