Tom cat got a bunch of wedding cake smeared in his face
By six ex-wives who thought he was a grooming disgrace.
Always marrying someone else, a sleezy one this time too.
This was meowed by wife number six, I think her name was Boo.
Who invited them? Tom yelped out with a disdained screech.
He was interrupted by wife five’s not so very nice speech.
His sixty-five kittens surrounded their marrying dad.
You are not a good groom, one of them said. You are a cad.
The marriage had not been consummated yet, so this was the time.
For the newlywed bride to turn and run away from this slime.
Instead, she wiped the wedding cake off of his face.
And said “He is number seven for me, and not any disgrace.”
We suspected as much before we saw their wedding cake
With the bride raising the groom in the air, our friend Lake
Lake laughed uncomfortably, being embarrassed a tiny bit.
I was kind of hoping that this guy would not go through with it.
But they got married, and she spun him around.
She was the bossiest woman he could have ever found.
We heard a bit later that Lake went underground.
I figured out where he was, but he made not a sound.
She chose wedding colors I was not fond of.
They seemed blah to me – tan, black and gray.
Ugh!
How pretty could the decorations be?
Not very.
What about the foods? I asked hopefully.
What will you serve?
Every table will have a fruit board.
What is that?
Fruit splayed out on a long board in the middle.
No cake?
I was horrified.
No.
What about drinks?
Purified water, she told me, fresh from a spring.
I was speechless.
Did not want to attend.
But she was my sister.
Believe it or not the fruit board was a hit.
We all went back to it over and over.
Eating our fill of raspberries, bananas and strawberries.
I just found an apricot! A tablemate said.
I discovered a pineapple.
It was better than cake.
I think everyone at the table enjoyed it.
And the wedding was pretty too.
In spite of the blah colors.
a wonderful birthday wedding cake
two celebrations in one
the baker stacked roses and carnations high
in peaches, pinks, and lavenders
delighting she was asked to cater her daughter’s wedding
Strange is a wedding that sidelined cake.
Many appear at one for its sake.
We have dreams of time to one bake,
For Rich Cake begin to time stake…
Cake for weddings even if fake;
For the supreme sense it does make,
Refusing to heed the Old Snake,
Going ahead to bliss awake…
Cakes cutting goes with love wish
For bride and bride groom main dish:
Together, they hold its knife
Their journey starts: Husband and Wife!
Cake is the first pride of flour,
And does challenge the Bride’s Flower:
A part of great cake Vanilla
I’d packet mine in Manila…
“Thousands” when lips want to cake cost
“A Million Dollars” I’ll be lost!
The wedding cake beaver with a cha cha cha
Down New Orleans way, danced the Mardi Gras.
We said “don’t tell us he’s coming this way, Ma.”
She nodded and said “Better tell your pa.”
When the wedding cake beaver comes your way.
It means there is going to be a wedding day.
We were eight and six and scared now for sure.
The only one old enough was our cousin Cure.
Cure was seventeen, is that old enough?
To get married to some old doddery duff?
The wedding cake beaver came in with a flounce.
This mission statement he did announce.
A wedding fell through today down by the pond.
I knew your family liked cake, and this is the road I was on.
They don’t want the cake, would you like it today?
We were so thrilled we let out a hip hip hooray!
Jill’s wedding cake reflected her eclectic personality
Perky, pretty with prominent polka dots
It included stripes and flowers
Jill is an artist the groom’s side explained to each other
No one had to explain anything to Jill’s side. They are all artists.
Her wedding dress was an ombre of spring colors.
She was as fresh and dainty and lovely as her cake.
Jill is going to shake up that other family her friends said.
She was full of giggly delight when she arrived in front of her groom.
Ready to shake him up first.
Some people lose their eyes.
Spiders fall from the sky.
I ate a green hotdog once.
My grandma’s dog poops green.
A giggle.
Two of them look to see if I am listening.
I pretend I am not.
That’s gross! Oooh! Yuck!
One falls off of his chair.
Two laugh.
I am drawing my wedding cake.
I am drawing MY wedding cake!
They kill everything in the world including animals.
First grade conversation as they draw in art class.
Lush green vines linking pink florets
The couple skating on a crystal lake
Sprinkled about with tiny silver dots
I paid a fortune for this wedding cake.
Each cut a slice and took a big bite
The guests all ate what they were able
At some point the base completely gone
Two tiers crumbled down over the table.
I think the disaster portended the future
For longevity the marriage was not to see
Everyone took everything they wanted
My daughter and her child came back to me.
written July 21, 2021
Their cake was filled with stuff,
like candy, fish and cheese;
so hard to find a pair
as badly matched as these!
for the Relishing your Cake contest
I relished my wedding cake.
Something I could never make.
I'm a useless cook but lucky for me
My mother in law is an expert you see.
Another son had opened a bakery shop.
She taught him all the knowledge he'd got.
From knee high he had learned at her side.
How to make any pastry rise high.
That cake was moist as moss after rain.
Fruit with raisins soaked in Guinness again.
After mixing with nuts and flour.
Then arranged into a tower.
The icing was a dream come true.
Iced baskets at each corner too.
Filled with flowers that looked divine.
I was so thrilled that cake was mine.
Such a happy day we had.
Thinking of it now makes me sad.
"Minutes in the mouth, years on the hips."
Pity he turned out to be such a d***.
The Wedding Cake
I told my bride that we should have
a special wedding cake
Something very different,
a statement it would make
Explaining how I saw it
and the flavors I desired
The special little figurines
my vision had inspired
How it would be delicious
in our favorite butter cream
Tinted in the color red,
yes that would be a dream
I even drew a picture
of each layer to the top
I really got excited
it was very hard to stop
Its then I looked into her eyes
and saw an evil stare
I asked what I had done so wrong
would she please like to share
That’s when she shattered all my hopes
when these few words she said
“There’s no way I will have a cake
that’s themed “The Walking Dead”
I guess that means I shouldn’t take my Daryl vest on the honeymoon. : )
2/27/17
Written for the Relishing Cake Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Julia Ward
Indeed, a strange wedding cake!
This is real strange, I must say.
You must absolutely hear this, I pray.
Almond marzipan, on stands masked with black chocolate;
Candy laces and ribbons made its beautiful garbs.
I ponder; why in God’s name, eat all these carbs!
Seriously, are these black Fondant roses I see here?
Quite an evolution from our traditional bride’s pie!
Well…what does this imply?
Dreading a wedding life with dark future
or does it symbolize breaking off with past lovers;
Invited surely to take the party's leftovers!
As the knife cut through innocent white,
dark jelly oozes out and trickles down the levels,
staining the spotless damask into perfect designs of devils!
Red marmalade takes its turn to flow down into rivulets.
The bride and the bridegroom poke a finger, each
to share it and I hear a spine chilling screech…
All I see is their demoniac grin as I make it to the exit!
22/02/17
Contest 'Relishing cake' by Julia Ward
8th prize out of 10 - Glory
Judged 7/03/17
Brides name is Hazel Almond,
Her groom is mad about Hazel,
Their wedding cake is a diamond
Shape with pecans at the basal,
Between each layer of Genoese
Is pistachio flavored butter cream
That oozes out when you squeeze
a marzipan covering is their dream,
placed on top the lucky couple
Bride holding her sweet chestnuts
made the guests laugh, chuckle,
at Groom with his hand on her butt,
Frosted with royal icing such skill
Showed by confectioner, Andrew
Patissiere well known in Brazil,
Sprinkled with chopped cashew.
A wedding cake that tasted devine
For a couple of same taste and looks
Without each other would sure to pine
because for each other, they are nuts.
composed 12/2/2017.
Today it is the day
To choose my wedding cake
I love anything to do with words
So my decision was easy to make
I went off to the baker’s
And they had lots of styles
But I had my heart set on a cake
Adorned with Scrabble tiles
It was to be iced with red fondant
And the letters would be white
With the number of points on the corner
It had to be just right
There would be a message
On tiers one and two
‘Words can not describe
Just how much I love you'
Our initials on the top
On individual tiles
I want it to be the best wedding cake
That's been seen for miles
I've had some ideas
About the cake board
I saw one on ‘the net'
I really adored
Green squares of fondant
With white piping divisions
What words can go on it?
Decisions, decisions
How about ‘love, honour, respect and trust’?
All of these details must be discussed
When my cake is finished
A photo I will take
I hope you won't be lost for words
When you see my wedding cake
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