I’ve been waiting for the phone to ring
there are times when I’m unsure
anticipating what the mailman brings
sometimes I feel so insecure
but I’ve got better things to do
than looking forward to
memories I have yet to make
some day with someone new
are you my future are you my past
there are times when I have doubts
contemplating will tomorrow last
sometimes I feel left out
but I know better than to wish
for the loving that I miss
heaven I have yet to taste
some day in somebody’s kiss
so until the next time I feel the need to cry
I won’t go walking in the rain
no until the next time
I see your smiling eyes I won’t fall in love again
Shouting without reason
Burning voices that crackles
With horse wisp of a growl
In pain without dsicription
Hollow feeling of regret
Short spout of unreasoning
Stop without going
Shattering sentence
No words that describes
The pouting with snarling
Couping without balance
Grip with a fist with fury
A smile looks of a cringe
Speaking with loudness
Expression looks unsure
This anger has voice
Grandpa hands her the remote and stretches his legs;
Nana chooses her own show for a change.
Pausing the TV during a commercial break...
she questions him, “Are we happy, dearest?”
He looked at her for just for a moment, pondering
not because he had not given it serious thought
but because he knew not to ask what SHE meant.
He nodded his head, a bit surprised at the reason
that she felt SHE had to ask such a question.
"I am happy, and I love you, Beautiful.”
It was all she needed for she still idolizes him;
she confirmed his words, “I am happy too, that makes two.
I'm not proud to say I've done drugs I've drank.
I'm not proud to say I was happy doing them.
every time I was high it was an escape from what I should have been facing.
I got drunk just cause I knew people who drank.
I'm tired of trying to fit in with everyone.
sure i may be weird in my own way.
people tell me i have good looks.
and my looks is what gets me places but I'm tired of people only seeing my looks.
i want them to see me for me past the smile past the fake smile's past it all.
I'm not proud of the things iv done and now that im graduating in may it scares me
it scares me that i have no clue what im doing with my life
i don't have a job and soon I won't have anything to communicate with people.
I'm scared of everything.
I wanted this year to go well for me but how can it go well when i don't know what iI'm doing.
I have offers to college but no money to go.
I'm scared that I'm always going to be traped in this house that I want to escape.
a pile of notebooks are splayed next to my keyboard
I used to write everything long hand first
Not any more, yet, here is proof that I once did
Now I merely start typing
Often unsure of where I am going
The journey undecided
the ending a mystery to everyone including me
I stood unsure when vacillating there,
My thoughts walked way ahead me waiting there.
I’ll reach you, love, ere my feet reaching there,
Wet you with love ere rain can, raining there.
Like some of my friends who come to meet me,
I’ll barge in before air entering there
And try to soothe the kind soul that dwells on:
How’ll the poor plucked flowers be feeling there.
To me alas, flowers die anyway,
O to die a slow death suffering there.
_________________________________
Ghazal |16.09.2025 | flowers, friend, love, rain
Unsure just which of these deep desires of mine is stronger:
My desire to belong to someone who's wonderfully mature
Or my desire to entertain many like a wildfire.
Alone,
In the dark of my room,
I’m overcome,
By the well of emotions,
Lying dormant in my chest.
Never ending,
Seemingly pointless,
They sleep restless,
Waiting for acknowledgement—
That I’ll never give.
Not knowing which emotions are volatile,
Makes me anxious.
For if I slip,
I might release those weapons,
Instead of my gifts,
Towards the crowds of kindness,
The waves of gratitude,
The sea of generosity—
I feel like a pebble of misfortune and cruelty.
Sent to ruin the balance,
My hands only cause pain,
My heart has everything to gain—
While they have everything to lose.
My walls stare back at me,
In the silence of my room,
As they judge my being,
And question my worth,
Deciding whether or not they’ll cave in—
Just to give me what I deserve.
Or,
What I would deserve,
If I was the pebble of misfortune,
In a sea of gratitude.
But my mind sways with the ocean currents,
Flipping through my plethora of personalities,
Judging whether or not,
I’m truly that bad—
Or just unsure,
Whilst I sit alone,
In the dark of my room—
I don’t think I’ll ever be sure.
I whispered goodbye with my forehead pressed against the pane.
My breath fogged my words as I watched you walk from my thoughts.
The loneliness is longer this time.
My side seems so bare now that the threads are undone.
I should find my sewing box.
How did I ever get here
All the terror and the tears
Kept me down and all alone
I felt like a statue of stone
No emotional attachments
So afraid of taking chances
with a heart useless and torn
Not knowing where I belong
Like an outcast pushed aside
Every day I really tried
To fit in and feel proud
To be part of any crowd
But all my virtues couldn't find
A piece of world where I could bind
No one wanted to be seen
With a girl wholesome and clean
Who couldn't do any wrong
But I just stood proud and strong
Giving in would ruin the
Woman I turned out to be
One at a time I'm finding friends
Who wont make me twist and bend
They like me for who I am
Acting like my second fam'
Knight did not know whether or not this was a good move.
He had made friends with a dragon that knew how to groove.
Christmas was coming, and he had brought him a surprise gift.
He might think this is lame, silly, it might not seem swift.
Dragon named Cool had a surprise of his own that very day.
He had ordered a shied for his friend, from far far away.
It had a dragon on it, and it was made of copper and tin.
They showed each other their presents, for each a big win.
Sometimes l am unsure~
Unsure of self
Unsure of purpose
Unsure of life
Unsure of many things
However, I am sure ~
These uncertainties
Will pass
As the sun rises
And a new day dawns
I do not feel sure of anything any more; that is for sure
A butterfly has to spread its wings some day and the spring is waiting beyond the dawn of day so capture the wonder as the possibilities pull you underneath the flood of potential where you can be all you can be and joy is essential to living and breathing to taking in a new breath to walking down this road you have never guessed yes spread your wings and skip through that open door though you are unsure know that you are so much more than your fears and doubts so tell me what’s there to worry about ?!
will have been unsure
about uncertain and unsure
which I know for sure
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