Short Vlad Poems

My powder horn I'll be tootin
I'll git next door and start shootin
Now killins a fad
And copyin Vlad
Makes me a menace like Putin...

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Vlad Putin is counting the dead
As if they were soldiers of lead
No need to dwell on
As now they are gone
Vlad can cash their paychecks instead!...

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Zelenskyy speaks with fortitude
A thing Vance and Trump find so rude
Now see what happens
With Europe’s factions
And how far mad Vlad will intrude...

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If you are the mother of Vlad
Your heart is increasingly sad
Vlad just wants more ground
The whole world has found
That bugger is stark raving mad!...

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There once was vampire named Vlad.
His life was obscurely sad.
He ate a worm,
The tide did turn.
Now Vlad is famously bad.





written 9/06/2020...

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  Vladimir Putin hints at using nuclear weapons

    Guess what, Vlad, we have our own weapons too

      We'll point Donald J. Trump directly at you...

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An antelope at the zoo’s gala
Stuck both horns right through a koala 
He skewered an ox
And one Arctic fox
They now call him Vlad the impala...

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When Putin is telling the truth
The frogs queue up at the Kissing Booth
But the Russian Bear
Growls, "You should take care!
Vlad squirts cyanide from his tooth!"...

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There was a vampire named Vlad. 7
The Village all thought he was bad. 7
But the true story. 5
Just wasn't gory. 5
It turns out Vlad was just sad. 7

October 23. 2019...

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Bla , Bla,
Red Star

Have you or have you not
discoverd any vaccine

Yes Vlad
Yes Putin

3 viles full 

Of April Fool

Russian fake news

Or election rigging...

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Could Estonia help Vlad get paid?
He'll claim they're Russian and invade!
Better than cash bonds
Putin can use their blondes
To entice his mark Trump to get laid...

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Little Vlad Putin was blowin' his horn
         The owls in the trees were hootin’

      After a dinner of pork 'n beans with corn
         Vlad's other horn was really a-tootin’...

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   We don’t believe either Biden or Trump
   On both of them we constantly dump

     But Putin’s claims are treated with reverence 
     After all, the man provides zero evidence
...

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Vladimir was looking for a car pet
  He saw an Afghan he just had to get
    How clear could Vladimir be
    But the salesman didn't see
  The hound's picture tucked in Vlad P.'s wallet...

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VLAD THE IMPALER

Aren’t you “Vlad” to see me?
He bares his Transylvania teeth.
“Impaler” and of the “Order of the Dragon”
That devil, Dracula’s out for blood.

6/16/2017...

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Donald Trump 
Is not such a chump
But If he found Cancer cure, brought world peace secure, and economy back from failure
Still by some he’d be seen as a cross between: Hitler, Stalin and Vlad the Impaler...

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Me thinks Hillbilly Vance is too highfalutin'
A big corporate crack pot? Yeah, yer darn tootin'
Gimme Jed Clampet any day
Jethro, Granny or Ellie May
Not a hack for a huckster who praises Vlad Putin!
...

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Putin beat his old wolfhound so bad
Just for looking tired or scared or sad!
So the pooch smashed his best vodkas,
ate his borscht, blinzas and latkas
Then howled: Cri-me-a-River Vlad!

Nostrovia!
translation: Let's get drunk!...

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a limerick by Wayne Wysocki

They tell me that Vladimir Putin
Called his guards and they started in shootin'
      Seems some robbers were struck
      With unfortunate luck
'Twas the bank where Vlad kept all his loot in....

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Chicago Bears are Raven mad
But Lions roar that's just too bad
With Rittenhouse free
To shoot you and me
Belfry Bats are cheering for Vlad*


* Vlad the Impaler aka Count Dracula
Kenosha is only 65-miles from Chicago,
the NRA's Shooting Gallery ...

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King Vlad the Greatest
 
Supremus-Dictatoris
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin
Bamboozler-Provocateur
Arrogance absolute.

Master of Malarkey
Bolshoi-Apparatchik
Mask of a Monster
Hooliganism to boot.

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
August 20, 2015 (Double Dactyl)...

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The wrestler-in chief is quite bad
In Trump there's one horrendous cad
This madman disgrace
Lost the mask on his face
Whoa—it’s not the Donald—it’s Vlad!


Author's note: No explanation is needed.  They say that Putin actually died a few years ago, but that appears not to be the case....

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It was really sad 
when the guy named Vlad
invited people for dinner
his last name, Dragul
should have warned those fools
that the meal might be their last
guards locked the gates 
then it was much too late
to avoid their fate
impossible to escape
they never could reciprocate 

10/11/2021...

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This is meant to be read with a French accent to aid the rhyme scheme:

WikiLeaks has tapes with Assange
Where Donald asks Vlad to arrange 
More Russian hookers
Who are the best lookers
To pee and tint Trump’s hair orange


Author's note: His die hard supporters should be required to die their hair orange too. At least that would be funny....

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Vlad has an upset tummy
He doesn't think it's very funny
He's going to get fixed
So he can go back to his biz
Of making Ukraine very crumbly

But Ukraine wants to have their say
To keep freedom and peace in their day
They'll defend as they can
Every woman and every man
So their children will have a place to play

Saturday, April 30, 2022...

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