Short Britches Poems

hold on tight
to your boots
and
your britches
I believe
the hold 
damn world 
is shrinking...

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OH BROTHER

mom mends over skirt
pratfall split in Bob’s britches
Betty’s witty finger
 
5/7/2017
Senryu...

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Fat bumblebees work
on pink hydrangea blossom.
Pollen-stuffed britches.

Days grow shorter, blossoms fade.
Honey enough for the winter?...

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I once had a Doc take some stitches
Apparently not without glitches
Because now when I sneeze
I jerk at the knees
And kick people in the britches...

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Wiccans do ride,
Our full moon tide,
Happy Halloween,
Magic is our scene,
Potions and charms,
Despite flabby arms,
Big girl britches,
Brooms aloft, attawitches!...

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Good old John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt's
Profoundly bawdy hysterical wit --
  Leaves farmers in stitches
  'Most burst their britches --
Too bad for this site his jokes are unfit...

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He would eat puddings and pies galore

And kept swelling and swelling some more 

So when his stitches popped

That's when his britches dropped 

Rumpled and crumpled up on the floor...

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These are very trying time I'd say
Try this, try that, but the results are the same
Let's pull up our britches
Turn on the switches
Attack till this virus is shot down in flames...

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One Halloween nite

While running away from some witches
I ran,  until I pooped my britches 
Then The Frankenstein creature 
With the most frightening features
Laughed until he popped his switches...

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The eagle mocked the owl 
who was tethered by a string
and ended up in bird-lime
that caught him by the wing.

Owl said to eagles
escape if you can
for you'll soon be mock
by the swift knife of man....

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Women Witches Who Switches

Trump started searching for women witches,
That from Republican to Democrat switches;
What he resolved,
All had dissolved;
They now will wear blue on their britches.

Jim Horn...

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teribium,Curium,actinium
sheres of charcoal.
they seek such to
make generated dissisha.
samples the need
for energy.
the need to produce
the world wishes a
freedom from what
 currently exist.
Des-alpha motaium....

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Was totally overwhelmed by your Birthday wishes
From all over the world, it busted my britches
I apologize if I missed one
I completely came undone
I'm sending you all a bunch of love and kisses


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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robust wanderings
bring you near
walking stick and old canteen
britches, boots, all unseen
walks forever in the woods
chocolate bars
smoky fire
pull me out
a tent at night
and in the afternoon
sweet hay smell wispers
to the moon....

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My tribute to those Alpha sisters,
They can be very scary witches,
Born with really bossy britches,
No need to argue with such shes,
In accord with place in family,
Sister A pecks down the line,
Verse for Alphas, their place and time.........

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She was a jolly seamstress Miss Gritches

     Who was a whiz at patchin' men's britches

          And alterin' ladies skirts

                And sewin' buttons on shirts

                     'Twas said she kept her patrons in 'stitches'...

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He flaunted his physical riches
That made him too big for his britches
  Until a tight zipper
  So mangled his dipper
It needed a full forty stitches.

---

Written 28 Dec 2018 for the Bawdy Limerick contest sponsored by Tania Kitchin...

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When laughter was heard in the hall,
The principle thought it was gall.
When down fell his britches,
The class burst in stitches.
The principle burst through the wall.


Refer to Twain's statement: The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter....

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I was always told 

I'm too big for my britches 

and I guess it's true 

not just one way, but in two 


one size gets me into trouble 

the other one makes me look double 

so what's a girl to do 

when she's "too big for her britches" 


                 times  two...

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Once there was a plumber named Cletus Leaks,

   Who when working 'neath sinks exposed his cheeks!

      While adjusting his britches,

         He left ladies in stitches,

            As they all giggled between furtive peeks!

Entry for Joseph May's "Limerick" Contest
(4 Jan 2019)...

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Hitch up those britches
Don't show those gitches

Stained with skid marks, no gitches
keep the crabs on your private witches

Bust the slack and expose the crack
Makes me see TP and talk some smack

Cover your assets; keep it in the backpack
Or I will use a thumb tack with a good whack!...

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A marriage will be sweet romance 
When the wife's the one who wears the pants.
Free of problems, free of glitches
When it's the wife who wears the britches.
No arguments or ugly scenes
When it's the wife who wears the jeans.
Marriage is lovely, face the facts,
Only when women wear the slacks....

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1.	My adorable Golden Retriever puppy
2.	Naps in between meals
3.	He says, “feed me those darn treats!”
4.	Captain of our home
5.	Shhh...gentle he's a baby...
6.	Tears caught by sloppy kisses
7.	Way too brave for his britches!
8.	Couldn’t ask for a better dog 


OTTOANKA CHALLENGE Poetry Contest
March 8, 2019...

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The whole nation
is doing a new dance craze,
you just have to stand up,
wiggle and scratch,
and do a whole lot of shaking…
thanks to a teen named Patti,
who was listening to music
at a picnic,
accidentally sitting in
a fire ant hill,
and got them in her britches,
the whole gang saw her,
stood up, and quickly mimicked!...

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Man so brave we called him Sissy Britches.
One bee and he would dive into the ditches.
Terrified of fire,
One we couldn’t admire.
Killed during game by one of the pitches.

We did not hate him now that he was dead.
And learned pretty quickly his name was Fred.
He became a saint.
Memories a taint.
Put up a statue made of metal – lead....

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