Relapse Poems

With Spring Comes Fall

there is beauty in falling in love
like soft spring
the sun blazing in all its bright glory 
but not too harshly
the clouds adrift - patchy enough to let the light seep through
the trees create a wonderful view
even the flowers bloom differently

and when the fall comes
the leaves leaving their branches
almost flowing through the wind
to end up on

Relapse

They say you can change
Overnight
With a snap of your fingers
I’d be lying if I said I believed that
They said your emotions
Can rise and fall like you’re in a non-stop
Roller coaster
The doctors tell some of us to take pills to feel human
Yet I’d relapse faster than
Feel any change at all
 
There’s a constant war and struggle
In

Insanity

And I'm starting to remember 
What I'm trying to forget
My sober state of mind 
Is giving me a fit
Demons in my head
I can't take a 
More I think about it 
The mader i get
My demons win again
It's time to take a hit
Who am I kidding 
I'm so inadequate
I'm Just a drug addict
I can never quit
Put

Myself a Bean

I live my life sober and clean
but once was called a bean

I started with promise and hope 
then found myself drowning in dope

I smoked a dart from a pack I found 
that led me to joint just to be sound 

I made friends with a bottle I bought
only to find them gone after we fought

Road to Relapse

worry, worry                 curse, worse               
hurry, hurry                   rant,

The Eye Of The Storm

Once crashed the waves in tempest’s storm,
and blew the wind as sails were torn.
Once drove the rain against frozen skin
as darkness took the vessel in.

Once void of any hope at all,
trapped deep inside the prison’s wall,
beneath the crushing weight of lead
but faintest light shown from ahead.

Then in a moment, skies were clear
and ocean’s calm dispelled

Relapse

Footsteps echo in the corridor of doubt
A thoughtless mind in lasting drought 

Dried up thoughts = washed up habits 
Habits sprint like wild jackrabbits 

Peaking like a vicious storm crashing ashore
Spreading like a wind-blown poisonous spore

Quick to arrive and leave like molasses 
An IV drip through jade-colored glasses

Finally absent with absconded talent 
An effort must

Relapse

A quake took place
between my shoulder blades
teeth ground to dust behind my face
the scraping of tectonic plates
scared me to my hiding place
bottles and blankets, a child’s space
it cannot withstand the shakes
that are now all too commonplace.

Relapse

Soon as you think you have it all together
A gust of wind knocks down the house of cards
I thought I was starting to get the hang of me but now I don't know which hand I'm playing
Holding a full hand only to get straight flushed down the toilet
The tissue is gone because I've been crying

Satisfying

It’s satisfying 
Red drops spilling onto white tile
Ruining the beautiful innocence of happiness I once had, 
stains on the pristine floor of an expensive bathroom in an expensive house

It’s satisfying because it’s damage I did to myself
Because I’m supposed to be expensive too, 
perfect, crystal clean white
But this time the red isn’t from ink marking

Healthy Relapse

I knew one day you would pull me back
Without you by my side it's hard to get on a good path 
You pull me out of the darkness, while the other object would put me in a blood bath
You heal the trauma and heartache by giving me a healthy relapse

I've had my pen staring at

Collapse Could Cause a Relapse

when we could collapse
what we had was a relapse
filled would be the gaps

things had been a drag
did have to apply a tag
we would brag and brag

Relapse

~one step forward, two steps back; once sober,  again drinks funny water~




Date written: 08/29/2022

Relapse

Across the millennia,
discussing the lapse:
infra or sub or
supra, perhaps?
A logical ordering
somewhat rehearsed…
Did God have to wait
or work it out first?
Is He sin’s author?
His decree permissive?
Certainly don’t mean
to be dismissive…
A no to the first,
the next, some degree,
'tis mostly man’s pride
declaring self free.
These sequenced events
would seem ‘gainst His nature;
He knew and it was
in my nomenclature.


----------

H/T To Maurice

Word Bank - Save Me From Myself

There are so many pieces 
That make up my story.
What is recovery?
Can I recover my sobriety?
Save me from myself,
I'm slipping up,
slowly sliding down the slippery slope.
Spiraling the drain,
as the snakes lure me,
Let's see how much I have let go.
On the verge of
Lost progress,
I relapse on repeat, like a record,
Broken
Stuck on the same sound.
Save me from

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