Best Relapse Poems
I held a blade to my arm last night,
Like I have many times before.
But this time ended differently,
Because this time the skin tore.
To others this might look bad,
Like I tossed 4 years down the drain.
Four years of being “sometimes” happy,
Was clearly driving me insane.
It felt good to hold a blade again,
Even better to feel it slice.
My emotions had broken through again,
Getting rid of them costs a price.
Although in some ironic way,
The cuts had healed my pain.
I know that I need a better way,
To safely numb my brain.
And that’s that honesty in this,
Recovery is one big mess.
But when everything is said and done,
I’ll marvel at my success.
-A.D.
Tiptoe into my room
and hide behind the curtain;
You wait to slither onto me
and be my demon.
You lurk in the shadows
waiting to pounce upon me;
You seek to capture my soul,
and you do so through my body.
Hallucination or reality,
you make it hard to comprehend;
you show me a starting line
on the dead end.
Tearing through my flesh
you bruise my bones;
clenching on my nerves,
you make my sanity moan.
Flowing through my veins,
you want to poison me;
suffocating my being,
with your invisible brutality.
Would you make me yours
and never let go;
Or would you destroy me
and throw me down the road?
My radar goes up when you don’t come home
You’ve left me sitting here all alone
I want to cry but the tears don’t come
The wheels in my mind are turning
I shout down the doubt that I have in my head
I should be asleep but I sit here instead
Waiting for word that you’re doing okay
I’m not onto you but I’m learning
I’m holding my breath as I sit here tonight
Stress has become a big part of my life
How do I know that you’re doin’ alright
And the choices you've made are discerning?
Disproving a relapse will be up to you
And like it or not there’s a lot left to do
Whatever the cost I’m counting on you
And hoping you’ll soon be returning.
She paints everything purple when she's high
Violet clocks and lavender shelves get her by
He smiles, wishing the clock could rewind
He hates the drugs, at least he's color blind
She hates being like this
She covers her room in amethyst
She knows he sees her addiction is back
It's evident as her world is splattered in lilac
A quake took place
between my shoulder blades
teeth ground to dust behind my face
the scraping of tectonic plates
scared me to my hiding place
bottles and blankets, a child’s space
it cannot withstand the shakes
that are now all too commonplace.
Aided by autumn
Spring relapses to winter.
How strange are His ways!
Broken promises
Dagger through the heart
Silent heaving sobs
Why did it start?
Healing wounds
Comforting words
Relapsing Pain as
Photos return.
Haunting love
Tainting its name
Dagger through the heart
Overwhelming shame.
I loved you from the start;
nothin' ever mattered
but no one could tell me.
I just needed you badly.
So we made our mistakes
and moved on, to a scary place;
Where all I did was bleed
and cry; wish that I would die.
I needed you, cried for you
almost even died for you.
You hurt me, burned me
turned away from me.
I loved you so much,
too much, but hate next.
You understand?
You played me, made me.
Make or break me.
Broken, focused
on all the little things.
Waking up to empty space.
Pain so strong it was easier to hate.
Too late!
Breathe, take a break, try to heal;
get real, you don't deal...
Escape, run away
its all I do anyway.
Duck and hide.
Remember what it felt
to die inside?
Move on, move out
forget what its about.
He's new, he's real
a better distraction than guilt.
Still not enough
but the bloods dried up.
New habits start
while the others die hard...
Love and Lust are not the same
then you realize there's no one to blame.
You've lost, yet another one down the drain.
You're lost, forget it.
You'll never change.
A new way to replace the old
Crystal dragons blowin' smoke
make ya feel bold.
A way out, a new you;
doesn't even matter.
Every time you look around
you grow a little sadder.
Look out, you're all alone
in a world so cold.
Relax, relapse
to a love you've already known....
Disappointment coats my dreams,
like blight destroys a bloom.
Good intentions grow obscene
do push me to my doom.
Everyone has demons,
some shackled, some are caged;
but I've been cursed with free ones
that would burn me with their rage.
The demon canc'rous grown in me
digs deep his torturous claws -
so the only way I can break free
is to pass through Death's dark doors.
Yet Life I crave, and Love's pure light -
my soul's desire: free.
Sad battered, bruised but still I fight
with all I have in me.
And though my soul's disfigured
and weighed down with ugly sin;
Jesus made a blind man see -
and Faith will help me win.
The break comes slow; a funeral’s pace for the brain’s unraveling.
You stop swallowing the pills, and the shadows surround you again with their familiar comforts and unbreakable grip.
Death seems so beautiful; an epic climax to the moving picture that is your insufferable life.
Stop, go, drive. Tell them you have lost yourself again when you get there. They’ll ask you if you have a plan. I do. I did.
Sit down, dazed, and let a stranger take your vital signs. There they are on the beeping machine, screaming proof that you’re alive.
Lie down in a cold, dark room. The bed is like concrete, the silence would lull you to sleep if not for those voices and their cacophony.
Meet them, all the others who tried, like you, to abandon life. They don’t look at you like the others; they observe your pain and compare it to theirs.
Take the pills you’re given in a tiny plastic cup. Turn off the sound of your racing, unbalanced mind. Tell yourself you need the medicine.
Meet a forgotten, abused mother who sat in a running car in a locked garage. Meet the one who slit her wrists. Fall in love with them, laugh like you’ve never laughed before.
Leave them when you are declared sane again. Hugs, touching words. Remember the way you belonged with them in a way you’ll never belong with anyone else.
The world doesn’t provide a warm welcome. In fact, it tries to crush you all over again. So you fight against it this time; you give yourself another chance.
Open your eyes in the cold, clear light of morning peaking in through your own bedroom window. Stay sick, but stay well. Breathe, live, repeat.
I look into your eyes and I fall into you.
Wonder if I'm dreaming, is this really true?
Pleasure at it's finest, you're my addiction.
Perfection in its finest depiction.
Constriction, you leave me without breath.
Everything fades far out of existence, I go deaf.
You're my drug, my one and only high.
Impossible for me to ever say goodbye,
But you left me like a thief in the night.
And here I am now falling from the steepest of heights,
Trying to figure out what went wrong as I descend.
Did it mean anything or was it all just pretend?
Life has dealt me a sobering blow.
No longer are we the headliners of the show.
Life has robbed me of my prestige and has left me to rot,
Although time goes on and life gets better as I trot.
But then I see your face and the pain hits instantly,
Like a thousand bricks falling on top of me.
Don't know if this pain will ever leave me,
Relapse, forever a part of my destiny.
I'm not sure what she's using
though I have an idea
her body she's abusing
and her mind has anaemia
as the excuses drip off her tongue
as to why she can't call
not the first to be sung
not the last bar room brawl
helpless I wait
til she tells me these truths
I'm a fish after bait
being trolled to the truth
not to sound dramatic
but what a disaster
her brain is rheumatic
her vice is her master
I hear her cry from a distance
though stifled and cold
hope I break through the resistance
a story of old
temptation is fond
of those who are weary
I'll swim through this pond
and escape the hook of the leery
And I'm starting to remember
What I'm trying to forget
My sober state of mind
Is giving me a fit
Demons in my head
I can't take a
More I think about it
The mader i get
My demons win again
It's time to take a hit
Who am I kidding
I'm so inadequate
I'm Just a drug addict
I can never quit
Put the gun to my head
and just get it over with
Which reminds me
I'm starting to remember
What I'm trying to forget
Insanity©
10/12/23
By: Dustin Branum
No one understand the things in my head
I need a release
I need a release
and once again I'm between a pencil and pen
I see the progression
It gets worse every day
I need to catch it
before it's the end
Flooded with emotions
I can't control
Destroy relationships
I long to keep
It's happening again
I wish I could stop it
At least this time
I can get help early
I happens the same time
in the same way
But only this time
it's 8 years apart
The panic
The depression
The anxiety
yet blocking the fear
Needing something
to keep me level headed
to work out everything
that's haunting me
There's a monster in my closet
I have yet to destroy
Lingering and leaving remnants behind
not letting me go
I'm fighting the two opposites
and I'm losing control
But this time I have a better support
I just need to hold on
The urge is there
I need to resist
breathe Corinne
breathe
A few more days
and you'll be on recovery back again
Just stop destroying
everything in your path
Allow the help
stop hiding
stop running
even though no one understands
No one can see the thoughts in my head
and it's hard to get them out
This is my only way
that's why I choose a pen
I wasn’t cheating or mistreating you
I just wanted to be with you
Said we grew apart but I didn’t see your point of view
You left me in the dark
Now you like baby can we just talk
But I don’t think it’s gone work out
Thought we was in love, obvious we fell out
And now I need my space
But you say the way you feel about me can’t be erased
What you don’t understand is that you’ve been replaced
With you I wanted to stay
But now it’s too late
Couldn’t eat all the food on your plate
And I don’t want your scraps
Because I know that if I take you back
It’s only a matter of time before you relapse
And collapse my heart all over
So before we get to that its over!!