My cousin-in-law’s grandma was at a party. She says, “Me and my husband had sex almost every day.” I think some of us fell out of our chairs. So she goes on, “Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday…”
I was standing between my husband and uncle at Ted’s Hot Dogs.
So it was said, as we are ordering, “How long is a foot long?”
Laughter turned the frankfurter red. Later, after dinner, Uncle Len
wields a tape measure…zwww…measures twelve inches.
My cousin tells us about his first date with his now wife of many years. He was having tummy issues, decides to pull into his brother’s driveway, and makes for the bathroom. Just lets himself in!
Sitting on the shameless throne, going and groaning and pooing.
He hears a voice, “Uncle …!” from the kid in the bath.
Baring it all as the poet shares the naked truth. Singing the song,
as her husband yells for Ethel to put her clothes on…on a streak.
Now let me see, how is this world doing
For better or worse the same old poo-pooing
Just seems to me
Up the same old tree
Nothing's changed, more trouble's a-brewing
Back in the fifties when people had scruples
The MOST insulting insult ever uttered by humans
Meant your head was empty
Only bats lived in your belfry
Which really meant your mind is poo pooing
Now let me see, how is this world doing
For better or worse, it's the same old poo-pooing
Just seems to me
Up the same old tree
Nothing's changed, more trouble's a-brewing
Now let's just see, how the world is doing
Better or worse or the same old poo-pooing
Just seems to me
Up the same old tree
Nothing's changed, seems more trouble's a-brewing
This morning while sucking a morning cig,
I heard a ruffling in the leaves,
And looked to see a cat holding a twig,
With one paw, while the other licked its sleaves.
I looked at it and it looked at me,
And I was like "Hey what the eff are you doing?"
To which the cat responded and peed,
"Lookin' for a spot where I'll be pooing."
"Get lost!" I said to the freakish cat,
"Don't you do that in a box?"
To which he retorted with fodder's splat:
"I guess I'm unorthodox."
The cat was still holding that tiny stick,
That cat must have had some thumbs,
And I said "What, is the stick for a magic trick?"
And then he called me "Human scum."
Still not knowing what was up with the branch,
The creepy cat held with his right paw,
I thought "Send this creepy ass cat to the ranch,"
And then the cat began to look at me with awe.
It looked at me with widened eyes,
So I asked "What are you looking at?"
To which he responded with eyes full-sized:
"Not much."
Animal have funny habits
So mysterious and strange
I was watching one of my dogs
Having a poo
But before it did a merry dance
I found darting backward
Ad forwards
And round and around
Before it's bum finally hit the ground
But cats
They don't do that
Their smarter
But even more strange
I've seen them do this
Again and again
through my window pane
But not on their garden oh no
The little swines
But on mine!!!!,
They saunter down the garden
With their tails in the air
Looking so haughty and debonair.
Then they find their place
Look around in all directions
Making no one's seen them
Dig a hole
Look around again
Ad then
Perch themselves as on a toilet bowl
Finished they quickly fill the hole
And readily jump away
Acting as nothing had happened
Who me?
But they'll never say
Back to being haughty
But never
Ever naughty.
Peter Dome. Copyright.2016. May.
The Critic - Art and Poetry
- by Bob Atkinson
'tis always easier to criticize
than is to do it yourself
although in truth the latter
contains far more fun and mirth
my point lies somewhere in between
good and bad of poetry
adjustment for the mainstream
how we absorb idealistic dreams
to see this in a different light
with crystal covers on the lens
we can, with open eyes
love writers with sharp pens
those who look beyond the fluff
and understand good meaning
divest themselves of constraints
and pursue a different dreaming
they see a world with tearfulness
not holding on to chains
which produce establishments
that grate and agitate
my desire in this arena
carries to all a simple message
don't let the future be determined
by past usage and direction
what you see is fabricated
a reality far from real
poo pooing things that matter
holds their only zeal
me, I've grown accustomed
to my meaning zipping by
heads of those who look
only at the surface side
doesn't mean I'm disheartened
to try is not hard at all
when you feel compunction
to rearrange it all
I love dogs,don't get me wrong.
It's really not their doing.
Their human parents are to blame
for places they are pooing!
It's bad enough they let them go
right smack into my yard.
But then they will not clean it up
and I step in it hard!
This is laziness on their part
or maybe they just don't care.
At any rate it makes me mad
that they're not being fair.
I shift my feet around and still
I scrape it off my shoes.
Or else it squishes between my toes
and this is awful news!
So people if you have a pooch
please take along a scooper.
For if you know your pup at all
you'll know he's a big pooper!
for contest"What Annoys You"
Frank I hope I made you laugh!!
Life with all its flavors
Rain falling…sun rising…
Bus coming…bus going…
Classmates talking…basketball playing…
Laughter and tears, friendship and years
People walking…clothes buying, ice-cream eating…
Stories reading, air breathing
Sickness feeling…, arguments having
Pain tasting, revenge making
Scholarships having, teachers smiling
Makeup putting, hair styling, perfume spraying
Graduation having…
Cream putting, pimples rising
People swimming, people dancing
Friends losing, new friends having
Book killing, new book having
Lectures attending, qualities and competence
Chick feeding, chick pooing
For mall dressing, in mall fun having
Glasses breaking, my mom scolding
Sisters fighting, louzana cursing
Finals studying, for holidays waiting…
Simple memories, simple daily events
Make life so irreplaceable