Cats Are Creepy

This morning while sucking a morning cig, I heard a ruffling in the leaves, And looked to see a cat holding a twig, With one paw, while the other licked its sleaves. I looked at it and it looked at me, And I was like "Hey what the eff are you doing?" To which the cat responded and peed, "Lookin' for a spot where I'll be pooing." "Get lost!" I said to the freakish cat, "Don't you do that in a box?" To which he retorted with fodder's splat: "I guess I'm unorthodox." The cat was still holding that tiny stick, That cat must have had some thumbs, And I said "What, is the stick for a magic trick?" And then he called me "Human scum." Still not knowing what was up with the branch, The creepy cat held with his right paw, I thought "Send this creepy ass cat to the ranch," And then the cat began to look at me with awe. It looked at me with widened eyes, So I asked "What are you looking at?" To which he responded with eyes full-sized: "Not much."