Sex Almost Every Day

My cousin-in-law’s grandma was at a party. She says, “Me and my husband had sex almost every day.” I think some of us fell out of our chairs. So she goes on, “Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday…” I was standing between my husband and uncle at Ted’s Hot Dogs. So it was said, as we are ordering, “How long is a foot long?” Laughter turned the frankfurter red. Later, after dinner, Uncle Len wields a tape measure…zwww…measures twelve inches. My cousin tells us about his first date with his now wife of many years. He was having tummy issues, decides to pull into his brother’s driveway, and makes for the bathroom. Just lets himself in! Sitting on the shameless throne, going and groaning and pooing. He hears a voice, “Uncle …!” from the kid in the bath. Baring it all as the poet shares the naked truth. Singing the song, as her husband yells for Ethel to put her clothes on…on a streak.