black daddy issues
true love is not abusive
forgive not forget
After all this time
you held my hand
you shoved me away
and came back again
you continued to strike and fill me more and more
the poison you had left me acidic
filled with lust and a bond trauma inspired
you coiled and writhed when i became tired
but in the end i separated the strains
that made you so poisonous in my veins
and free from the poison that you shot into me
i was finally able to see
with every passing second my hatred grew lighter
and i told myself to turn the other cheek
with a new outlook and a burning fire
i moved on while you stayed sour
So take it as is or take it as not
when i broke past a new sight came and i shot my shot
a better friend and lover then you'd ever be
and now I'll never think about you in eternity
My friend is the ocean, waters that glide,
Rustling my footsteps and tousling my hair;
Many the times that we walked side by side,
A spark and forever, joined as a pair.
Always a cloud there lay over its play,
Dappled the sunlight that fell on my face;
Heaving, its waters had something to say;
Twilight with meteors it took for the place.
Rising from breakers, said spirit to me,
“Sunlight and storms must both in the sea lie;
These are my words,” sad the heart of the sea,
“Know that I love you, and by me, shall die.”
What is the darkness that’s in the sea’s soul?
What can it counter, and what not annul?
You stripped me from my innocence.
painted me black and blue you'd tell me that you loved me but honestly it wasn't true.
You told me I was beautiful and that no one else compared.
Expect for the entire naiborhood who would have stopped and stared.
you told me not to tell anyone and even if I dared it wouldn't have honestly mattered because no one would have even cared.
You told me no one could love me and you sore your words to be true.
You stole me from my innocence & painted me black and blue.
She opened her heart
like all lovers do,
he was her world.
She gave him her all,
he took it all in,
told her "I love you."
He said “I love you”,
after her busted lip,
from falling in the shower.
He said “I love you”,
after her head hit the table,
from tripping on a loose rug.
He said “I love you”,
after a broken arm,
from falling down the stairs.
He said “I love you”,
but she just isn't sure,
how much more of his love,
she can survive.
Our once “everlasting love”
Has come to its end
There’s no more need
To deny or pretend
It’s difficult and painful
For me to admit
You weren’t fully in the
Relationship and couldn’t commit
The games you played were a
Convincing disguise
Your well executed performance
Deserves a Nobel prize
You toyed with my emotions
As if you found it amusing
Without regard for my
Heart you were bruising
In retrospect you are not
Completely to blame
Not ending it sooner is
My crown of shame
For too long I overlooked and
Made every excuse
Lying to myself your
Actions were not abuse
The road to become me again
will be long
But with every day i will grow
A little bit more strong
Those soft tendrils of skin grazing my being
Taking in my form whole
Accepting me as I was
Using me as I was
When did love turn to deceit and lies
When did my body turn into a medium of use
I'm nothing but my body, my parts, my abilities
That's all you ever wanted from me, wasn't it?
You felt me, but you didn't see me.
Now I lay in bed every night
Feeling the pound of you inside and out
A rhythmic motion, nonconsensual, debilitating
I'm frozen in time, pinned to a bed with no escape
My bed, your bed, Lake Arrowhead
It's all the same, as my no's and pleads fall apart
My consent never mattered, did it?
Coercion is a funny thing
Gaslighting of the self
"Is this what love is?" my 16 year old self asks.
"No, kiddo, not even close" my current self replies.
Surely I‘ll break
after you pointed out all my mistakes
I know I may not be the most outgoing
But if that’s the reason you‘ve been throwing
one hundred thousand fights
til im burning,bleeding and bursting into tears
I‘ll change for your benefit , I‘ll do a 360 degree turn to fit your imagination
Get inside and we‘ll have a conversation
Did you take that stuff again
Younger me wished I was clean
You didn’t even check on me when I was wiping my tears off your car seat
Stop pretending we share the same life
when you played board games I was
by myself in the corner, hoping i‘d turn
extrovert
Stop pretending you know how cruelty feels.
Thanks to Father DeMino fir reminding me the world cannot bite off all our Jesus-kinda-Love. So here goes-
"If you love sacrificially, you won't expect thanks and only lose a blip of Eternity." Deo
Joe DeMino did add, "ouch for that blip" that got gobbled up mercilessly
My body is an object, use it as you please
Like a little girl’s dolly, my hair you tug and tease
My body is an object, from my head to my toe
Skin like cattle is branded, your fingerprints echo
My body is an object, don’t you stop now
Adorned with your lips, my body is your vow
My body is an object, please have your fun
Submitting like a beta, I admit you’ve won
My body is an object, I finally give in
In response, your eyes fill with sin as it begins
My body is an object, a temple for the dead
A road lined with misery, there is nothing good ahead
My body is an object, I watch you come and go
Each time, the pieces of my heart together I must sew
My body is an object, don’t think you are the first
The past takes hostage, my whole body is cursed
My body is an object, I answer at your call
But when it’s my turn, you answer like a brick wall
I’m lost in the memories of love and misery’s taunts
I cry within daily but my reflection in the mirror I can not see
My eyes swollen from holding back the tears
I can not see the pain I have
I’m blinded by the love
Why do children grow up in pain
Lost and silent
they seek love
To only find that the love they seek is the abuse they receive
Altering there views of secure and love
To only shield themselves behind mountains of walls
The safety of detaching from all who love
They run from those that love
Forget what they make
About sanitized love and delivery
Love is a war, abuse steps through
When strands get caught
Out on a limb
Your suggest new desire
And run back
To an addicted, abusive boyfriend
Youve coddled in his flaccid anger
When the broken daughter
Runs home, what does she find
Death of old things and control
Cold nights twisted around thumbs
I know you step without walking
Is that what you wanted?
When you strangled my hand
To show where abuse would land?
And give me the gift of caring?
He's discovered your limbs
And knows what youve been apart of
Wretched in jealousy
We all have to care sometimes
About the fate of ourselves
Regardless of words and promises
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