Long Under my skin Poems
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The dog in my head
won't let me sleep.
I can't shake it free.
It follows me
day and night.
It knows my scent—
now it's gone rogue,
and hunts we.
It won't go away.
It waits beside my bed-
the dog I once fed.
It's coming again
It barks out loud,
howls through silence
It's coming again!
[Chorus]
It's the dog in my head!
The dog I once fed!
It's chewing my bones—
Now it wants me instead!
It's the dog in my head!
It's coming again!
There's a kennel in my head,
A chain in my veins.
Scratching its claws into my soul.
Digging up the promises I buried,
Dragging old ghosts back home.
The stench is crawling under my skin.
Its echo never dies.
It's the dog in my head.
It's coming again.
On the road of broken dreams.
Every footprint bleeds my name.
Every scar becomes a doorway.
Every wound becomes a flame.
The cry is always the same.
The dog in my head
It's broken its chain.
It's coming again
To tear and maim.
The dog I once fed.
It's coming again.
[Chorus]
It's the dog in my head!
The dog I once fed!
It's chewing my bones—
Till there's nothing left!
It's the dog in my head!
Feeding on what's left!
It's the dog in my head!
Feeding on what's left!
It's the dog in my head!
It's the dog in my head!
I drove home in the dark
And the rain
Away from your lies
Stopping only at the 7-11
To buy smokes
Knowing you would hate them.
I killed off small doses of my molecules
Over and over with the window down
Trying to burn you out of my body
So that someday
When I am standing in front of someone who loves me
(the real kind, not the lie)
It won’t be you that I think of
When the next time I say
I love you
I won’t feel you under my skin
Standing just slightly under my breath
Waiting under my words
To tell me
I didn’t mean it
Don’t let me go
But it was your heart
Not mine
That I steadily exhaled into the night.
I needed the darkness, to lay low,
my mind a mole forever seeking
its spectacles.
I had to keep striking matches just to see myself.
Earth above, earth below
and a little itch of heaven
like a flea under my skin.
Manhood vanquished all thought of survival.
Shallow and deep thoughts inflated my soul
with just about the same amount
of self-deception.
A seed needs darkness,
until it knows it has eyes,
then it understands that it is the only One,
conversely,
there are billions of others,
some are infinitely branching trees
expanding the universe with their visions,
most, for a while, remain moles,
still looking for their spectacles.
(Verse 1)
This empty room still hums your favorite song,
Sunlight cuts the dust where your laugh belonged.
I trace the cracks in every worn-out tile,
Searching for your shadow one more mile.
(Chorus)
**I can still feel you like a phantom limb—**
A ghost in every room, under my skin.
This house is just a cage of might-have-beens...
*I reach for you, but all I touch is wind.*
(Verse 2)
Your coffee cup’s a fossil on the shelf,
I talk to it like I talk to myself.
That sweater in the closet still holds heat,
Smells of rain and old dreams, bittersweet.
(Chorus)
**I can still feel you like a phantom limb—**
A ghost in every room, under my skin.
This house is just a cage of might-have-beens...
*I reach for you, but all I touch is wind.*
(Bridge)
The neighbors say, *"You should turn the page..."*
But how do I quit a ghost I still stage?
These walls rehearse the echo of your name—
A silent fire only you could tame.
(Outro Chorus)
**I can still feel you like a phantom limb...**
*(Whispered, fading)*
*...All I touch is wind.*
There once was a chance
I didn’t take, a path
I chose not to travel.
It seemed that the wide
And well-used road
Was safer than the gravel.
I followed the way
That many had trod
And always watched ahead,
Never looking aside
Or trying the new,
Just earning my daily bread.
As the years went on
I felt in my heart
An uneasiness settle in.
I longed for something,
I knew not what,
But it prickled under my skin.
Life was passing me by,
And I thought, I’ve naught
To show for my life so far.
What would have been
If I’d taken the lane
That led to a different star?
It bothered me more
As time went on,
So I made myself decide.
Do I want to go forth
On the safe highway
Or a route I’ve never tried?
I made up my mind
And searched and found
A little used off-beat lane.
It wound over rocks.
There were hills to climb
But my spirit felt no pain.
My heart and my mind
At last were freed.
In this energizing space
I could stretch my thoughts
And free my soul
To reach a higher place.
I once had a chance
That I didn’t take,
But I had a second try.
I’ll never look back -
I’m glad that I dared
Not to let this chance go by!
Man In My Head,
You live there–
(here I should say)
but I suppose I don’t need to tell you that.
You’re the one making your space.
You’re forever within the confines of my mushy, distorted headspace;
so I ought to pay you a visit.
Ah, Man In My Head, you’re quite wonderful–
you know that, right?
My puppet–you can’t hurt me if I’m the one controlling you.
You don’t make me sick with shame, regret, disillusionment–not like they do.
My shapeshifter–you morph into different beings, taking on whom and what I need most.
And, that, Man In My Head, is why you don’t have a name.
My comfort–you’re there when I need you; you disappear when I don’t.
But an idea can only soothe someone for so long.
You aren’t like them, Man In My Head,
You’re different!
(because I made you that way)
My guarded heart can open to your gleaming eyes (honey brown today), guaranteeing safety.
I’m daring myself–deluding myself–to believe in you.
Yet–you’re just a dream,
my dream.
And, here I am, waiting.
Working in solidarity with delusions, dreams, deceptions—
contentedly coping and waiting and pining
for you, Man In My Head.
AND YOU DON’T EXIST !
A figment of my imagination, guaranteeing the impossible “safety”,
but never enough to save me completely,
and that’s all that you are.
My single pill of ibuprofen to soothe the pain of a severed limb,
the pollution permeating my body could be purified by your embrace,
But, Man In My Head, you’re not real!
(please disagree with me, please be real)
I wish it were you that could
trace the soft palms of my fragile hands,
caress the warm plains of my forearms,
delicately dancing your fingers over the emerald and mauve running under my skin.
The Others aren’t so nice, Man In My Head.
Man In My Head, you always stay with me.
Thank you for that.
Yet, no matter how much I wish, I hope, I wait,
you are nothing more
–you can’t be anything more–
than
the man in my head.
The love of the heart is the longing of souls
The greed in the mind is nothing but dust
One is desire for unconditional love
The other a temporary power.
Poetry is the language of souls
The footsteps of those long turned to dust
The act of creating is one of love
Pages scribed with transcendent power.
The body is but a prison for the soul
We all will return to our creation of dust
The inkstains of life contained in our love
Proof of a higher power.
Under my skin lives a primitive soul
Capable of so much more than my etchings in dust
Shining forth the light of love
Claimed by the submission of power.
His eyes
His amber brown eyes, brighter than the sunlight they shine; Falling for him was an inevitable crime when those eyes looked into mine.
Those sparkling jewels expressing feelings unspoken;
Lost in their beauty I stand there frozen.
I felt the warmth of his gaze under my skin;
I couldn't resist my smile as my heart did a spin.
His eyes are prettier than those starlit skies;
"He is not in love with you" I convinced myself with pretty lies
Then I was answered by my heart "Love never dies even if it's only from your side".
It's not necessary for him to be mine;
As long as I am his, my heart would never whine.
They say "True love demands nothing"
It's all about giving everything.
And expecting nothing in return;
Oh,amber brown eyes, yellow like the sun's rays at noon falling into mine
Forever in my heart they will burn.
In those eyes with flickering flames I saw my reflection;
His eyes captured me with affection,
Never felt prettier enough in front of the mirror but when my reflection was captured in those sparkly jewels I found myself looking like perfection.
Between us is there an ineffable connection?
I have this cloud that follows me,
I have this cloud that noone wants to see.
It's all in your head
Nothing major can be done.
So suck it up
Get on out and have some fun.
But they can't see the demons in my head -
Scratching
Clawing
Biting.
The demons want me dead.
But they don't care,
They don't want to know
What is under my skin,
They just want me to smile
And pretend tht I fit in.
Another appointment,
Another prescription,
Another bottle of pills.
Saftey pin a smile on my face
So everyone else feels comfortable
While my world slowly collapses
And I fall from grace.
But the world must go on,
Everything done so formal.
I wish I could take the bottle
And one by one eat my pink freedom
But that just wouldn't be right
- Oh no-
Heaven forbid I don't act like I'm
NORMAL!!
Twenty years a mistress, quietly worn from within
Learning how to enter rooms I was never meant in
I carry other people’s secrets under my skin
Call it choice, call it flaw, call it paying for sin
I’ve been the pause in marriages, the breath between vows
The place men go when they can’t be husbands somehow
I know the rules, I don’t ask to be seen
I stay soft, I stay silent, I stay in between
I feel the guilt, yes, it keeps me awake
I feel the shame every promise I help them break
Stopping feels harder than staying unclean
I’ve taught myself this is all I should be
I tell myself I deserve the dark
The way love never quite leaves a mark
That being hidden is fair, is right
That I’m only meant for borrowed nights
There is a man who claims my name
Who hold my hand without whisper or shame
He wants the world to know I’m his
But I flinch from a love that looks like this
Because I don’t deserve that kind of light
And he doesn’t deserve my internal fight
He doesn’t deserve my fractured trust
Or the way I confuse love with lust
I stay where I already know the cost
Where I am wanted but never chosen, never lost
Where no one expects me to be whole
Just warm, willing, useful, easily controlled
At night I cry where no one can hear
Counting the years, the men, the fear
I hate myself for the life I defend
For the way I keep choosing the same bitter end
Twenty years of proving I’m easy to keep
But impossible to love without losing sleep
I wear my self-loathing like something earned
A lesson learned but never unlearned
I know this isn’t freedom, I know it’s a cage
But cages feel safer when you’ve lived in them for an age
So I lie to the mirror, I lie to my pain
And tell myself secrets are all I can claim
Twenty years a mistress, and still I stay
Hating myself a little more every day.