Long Potty trained Poems

"You're right," I told the couple who'd dropped in to buy a 'friend' to entertain their daughter, who had just turned 5 years old,
"Tiny ones like that one there can pass for newly-borns...and runts, in...

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Can’t remember what you look like or even the way you smell

I’ve gazed upon many who fit the description but are any of them you, who’s to 
tell?

I’ve told myself I’m over it time and...

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While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
     where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
     despite without doubt...

if closing distance
     (to...

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There was a day, oh so clear… I took my newly trained dog for a walk.
Just as I left the house… a rabbit came by, and yes, we were off.
My dog took off quite fast…...

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and Which the Witch?

Warning!  Suitable for Children Only!

"That dog's a menace to the community.
I'm taking her to the sheriff to make sure she's destroyed."
-- Miss Almira Gulch,
a citizen taxed,
speaking of a pet owner

* ...

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(7/5 Trochee form)

“You were such a sweet smart girl,”
my mom says to me
when I ask her how I was 
in my infancy.

Then she always tells me how
early I first talked,
saying “Jesus loves me” first;
At six...

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I had bought it as a future investment
Just as I am getting ready to sell my house I have a Real Estate Agent
I begin to pack all my belongings to move in my new pad
The...

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I think I'll signal guru Bob that I've had enough
of his implicit stress therapy as he calls it
I've contacted the hunchback sperm banks
for a safe deposit box until the embrace is ended
with the last flood...

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"That dog's a menace to the community.    
I'm taking her to the sheriff to make sure she's destroyed."        
-- Miss Almira Gulch,   ...

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I wish I could say failure was as unknown
to me as my brother's current address,
but last year on my seventh anniversary,
I gave my wife a cupcake with a candle in it
and a six pack of...

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Word "dog" is "god" spelled backward, yes?
And both could be a friend,
A bone you throw to Deity
Might save you in the end.

Most dogs will stay in family yard,
Are never far from home,
But God is always...

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My Comparison Poem Which
(Really has become beyond compare.)

When to they subject I was more nearer
What I was seeing became more clearer
And if a telescope were fixed to my eye
Object became bigger as it did magnify.

Outside...

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The Snuffaluffagus may be
The only pet for me
The only pet that I can get
Because the cost is free

I have a neighbor down the street
His name is Guffalus
He needs to give his pet away
His Snuffaluffagus

A Snuffaluffagus,...

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Another one for Andrea D.

Imagine a vast vat of liquid
Covering 5 football fields
33 feet deep in manure
Think of the energy yields

When big piles are seen
Of manure all green
Most people just see piles of crap
But if...

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"Faith means holding a belief
(say, in the existence of a god)
sans any proof beyond all Rational doubt.
After all, why else call it faith?"
-- words of Wisdom from a Rational unicorn

*   *  ...

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Chauvinistic men 
with a false sense of pride 
drum their chests 
repeatedly like a gorilla 
standing upright 
arrogantly 
proclaiming themselves 
the kings of the universe 
bragging to anyone 
who would listen 
how men run the...

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Potty Training and Capitalism

“My Bobbie was potty trained by 13 months”
The wicked lady drawled

As she cast a sideways glance
My direction

The glance
~was noted!

My 2 year old daughter toddled around
The palpable silence
Conspicuously diapered

My wounded motherhood
Bled silently
As I...

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“My Big Boy Pants”

I got them after I was potty trained,
capable of taking care of my business.

I have been told on many occasions to
“Put on your Big Boy Pants and deal with it!”

Slowly figured out...

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Brother for sale.
I'll deliver him too.
I can send in the mail,
Wrapped in yellow or blue.

He's water potty-trained now,
But that can change in a day.
He'll be bundled with Oreos,
So he can eat on the way.

I can...

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I'm going to tell you something and I'll be quite plain.
I have a fifteen year old son who couldn't be potty trained.
I tried to potty train him but I wasn't able to succeed.
He still wears...

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