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The Reverberating Sins of My Father

Can’t remember what you look like or even the way you smell

I’ve gazed upon many who fit the description but are any of them you, who’s to 
tell?

I’ve told myself I’m over it time and again

But the feelings of abandonment nag at my soul and my aggravated spirit 
cries, “Daddy, where you been?”

I’ve ran through bedrooms and barrooms hoping to receive compensation for 
your debt to me

No covering over my shame and proudly wearing my badge of illegitimacy

It’s crazy

I named my son Jeddidiah

Simply because David was his father

And mine too

Then from David to Dawud

Man, I don’t even know you

But I do know that I love you

How very strange to me 

That my estranged daddy

Has the ability

To evoke from me, a stranger

The most powerful of things so effortlessly, albeit I’m 
angered

I was a pretty little girl, so sweet and just as good

How or why did you leave me as unprotected prey for wolves?

I don’t understand, didn’t – don’t you love your offspring?

I mean, don’t you care about the precious things,

About my happenings,

About anything that has to do with me?

Do you even remember my name?

Remember it was me that you potty trained

Now think back to that day you left us in the rain

In front of my aunt’s house over on Paine

Nobody was home that day so we just sat on the stoop getting drenched by the 
shame

My mother barely seventeen, us loving you in vain

There have been stepfathers who abused

And many years later, men that have used and thrown me away like refuse

And I prayed and begged to be rescued by you

But it’s all been of no use

I suppose I could go on for a lifetime

And still never find

The ultimate locution to express my hurt over this matter

And even though I was constructed from half your matter

You’ll probably never read this anyway, so what I write really doesn’t matter

But just in case mere happenstance causes you to peruse the configurations of 
my pen

I need you to know that over the years I’ve needed you and to my chagrin

It has truly been

A reverberating sin

That your oldest daughter has never known where in the hell you’ve been

Daddy, where you been?

Copyright © Tennielle Burgess | Year Posted 2007

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