The Reverberating Sins of My Father

Can’t remember what you look like or even the way you smell I’ve gazed upon many who fit the description but are any of them you, who’s to tell? I’ve told myself I’m over it time and again But the feelings of abandonment nag at my soul and my aggravated spirit cries, “Daddy, where you been?” I’ve ran through bedrooms and barrooms hoping to receive compensation for your debt to me No covering over my shame and proudly wearing my badge of illegitimacy It’s crazy I named my son Jeddidiah Simply because David was his father And mine too Then from David to Dawud Man, I don’t even know you But I do know that I love you How very strange to me That my estranged daddy Has the ability To evoke from me, a stranger The most powerful of things so effortlessly, albeit I’m angered I was a pretty little girl, so sweet and just as good How or why did you leave me as unprotected prey for wolves? I don’t understand, didn’t – don’t you love your offspring? I mean, don’t you care about the precious things, About my happenings, About anything that has to do with me? Do you even remember my name? Remember it was me that you potty trained Now think back to that day you left us in the rain In front of my aunt’s house over on Paine Nobody was home that day so we just sat on the stoop getting drenched by the shame My mother barely seventeen, us loving you in vain There have been stepfathers who abused And many years later, men that have used and thrown me away like refuse And I prayed and begged to be rescued by you But it’s all been of no use I suppose I could go on for a lifetime And still never find The ultimate locution to express my hurt over this matter And even though I was constructed from half your matter You’ll probably never read this anyway, so what I write really doesn’t matter But just in case mere happenstance causes you to peruse the configurations of my pen I need you to know that over the years I’ve needed you and to my chagrin It has truly been A reverberating sin That your oldest daughter has never known where in the hell you’ve been Daddy, where you been?