Long Heinz Poems

Our Gran, that’s on my mother’s side, was British born and raised, 
     until the age of ten it seems, then Gran was quite amazed  
to find her mum and...

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Callum is an old-fashioned man on the verge of becoming history’s memory

Ancient even in that he holds only one job but that is for privation of another 

Sort of a whiz kid at what he...

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Strap ya helmet on 
and while you at it 
pass the keys, we'll 
ride and eat on 
words for dinner, 
homie pass the 
peas,

I don't do this on 
purpose, it's the 
way things have to...

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(presumably still alive
predicated on rumored sightings dive
ving fast as blazing saddles, 
     her blitzkrieg, 
     nothing but a blurry beehive.)

Swifter than Usain
     (lightening)...

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The Heinz dog and the Silky and that Precious Papillion,
A Terrier and Chihauhau-are a few that I have known.
Not all at once, of course, but a few throughout the years,
They delegate their tails to tell-and...

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Strap ya helmet on and while you at it pass the keys, 
we'll ride and eat on words for dinner, homie pass 
the peas,

I don't do this on purpose, it's the way things have to...

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The discovery at aged seventy
Explained to me at last
The source of my problems 
From way way back in my past.
Not just a clumsy country idiot,
All my life there’d been a cause,
A condition called Dyspraxia
Had me...

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my carnivore self is displayed out in the open
I tear a bovine’s tendons and muscle with gusto
my teeth coming up red and bloody;
it is the human way, is it not?

my mouth, throat and gullet gulp...

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Can’t you see it is just me and mommy here?
Butt out.
It is bad enough I get stuffed back into this tiny confining fleshy
wrinkly ugly earth body, now I have to put up with the likes...

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I am teaching poetry in an elementary 
classroom -- a tiny girl with a large soul,
gigantic brown framed eye glasses and
a silky brown bang writes a poem Dorothy
Parker would have been proud of 

and Alice...

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Tonight there is a match on telly
The lads are coming round 
most of them are married
So my home is to be the neutral ground .

If any of their wives ring 
I'm to pretend that I...

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"Thy wit is quick and capable thy rhyme
Conversant with my heart art thou and sly
Thou giveth words where I have never spoken

I swear against the truth so foul a lie
For pride and reputation hath thou...

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“Ole Brownie”

The meanest and the best,
Proven among the rest,
My dog in Arkansas, pope county,
I present, ole Brownie,

With first cold front,
Arkansans begin the hunt,
Razorback hogs,
with their dogs,

Now my dog Brownie,
Meanest hog dog in pope county,
A sight...

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Letter from the Beeb
Addressed to me by name
Should I grasp the chance
Should I strive for fame?

Hello Fellow Food Mauler
Come and join the Eliite
Bring a clean pinnie anc
Come looking clean and neat. 
To Great British Dinners...

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ALL ABOUT THE LIPS 

He has seen her before 
But today he saw her for the first time.
She walked his way 
Her smile and laugh carried across the field 

The field was freshly cut
The aroma...

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Henry Heinz made ketchup
(First called catsup) long ago,
Plus a host of other products - 
Some you'd be surprised to know.

On a train in New York City,
Henry saw an ad for shoes;
There were 21 styles mentioned,
Quite...

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There is no such thing as a victim of society
You are like Heinz 57, a person like you comes in many varieties
You try to be smooth using today's slang
To me, you are an astronaut in...

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Ten,two,the Brunson in the whole,
Comes around to me and I decide to fold.
Jack,king on the second hand,I bet the minimum call,
Another goes all-in,they want it all.
Pull up sailboats,tossed them in,
Good thing to,pocket rockets took it...

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The Hedgehog wedding was the talk of Dry Gulch Creek.
There were moles, badgers, chipmunks and mice that squeak.
Cheering commenced when the bride bent kissed the groom.
Then the couple took a giant leap of faith over...

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I hail from the “City of Bridges” – 
Where "la belle riviere" is born,
Where th’Allegheny and “Mon”,
Come together as one
And the proud black and gold are worn.

I hail from the “City of Champions” –
Home of...

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Pop down to the shops Son
I need some bits and bobs
Just a few potatoes
And a dozen crusty cobs
While you’re there, you might as well
Get carrots and some greens
Some frozen peas, some sugar
And a tin of...

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“Doggone It”

Doggone it, all good male dogs mark their spot,
But Browne’s leak one day, he should have not.
  Received sudden recompense,
  From leak on electric fence,
And now, both of my dog’s kidneys are...

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Tinned Area

Menace in a supermarket coming to a store near you, 
all of it now in real surreal experience. 
Now I hide as my mind descends to that of a child 
like depths where only...

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The toothpaste that I use is Crest.
I cannot tell if Crest is best;
But it’s the brand I’ve always used.
A change would get my teeth confused.

For laundry, what I buy is All;
A prior brand I can’t...

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Jo- deeeeeeeeeeee
Lovely! Where have you been, Miss Jo- deeee, you?
on a treadmill to the end of the earth, and you?
A place called yearning...
I was looking for my family and got lost on the way
How is...

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