Long Funniest Poems

WOMEN ...

Truly amaze me ... they possess the super-human
strength to birth a child - one of the most painful
and demanding physical and emotional feats of end-
urance known to our species - yet they have the
self-confidence...

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My hair bristled in the crisp breeze
Excitement spreading throughout my body
Even the sudden cold amused my fingertips,
Tingles spreading through my hands and up my arms
Soon I would be there too. . .
In the murky shadows...

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GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE HEART 


From a two-room schoolhouse high on a hill over the Fundy Bay, I sat at an old wooden desk daydreaming. The ink stains and etchings which were dug deep into...

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Oppressor and the oppressed.

Who is the oppressed and who is the oppressor?
Who has the right to beat a random person on the street?
Who has the right when to pronounce a person guilty or to see...

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What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago....

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'Vanity's got this new gun that she wants to try on you'
A gift of lyrics a Dead, Poetic fan of fiction sketched to me
why the worried expression, he's right here in this chair
staring at his...

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(I can't get a question mark to stay on title line, but the actual title I would prefer for this story is probably this: No laughing Matter?)

Let me tell you a story . . .

When...

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In the early 70’s my husband and our first baby, Angela, moved to Muscatine, Iowa, in the middle of the night, in the summer time.  At 7:00 a.m. the next door neighbor rang the...

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In the early 70’s my husband and our first baby, Angela, moved to Muscatine, Iowa, in the middle of the night, in the summer time.  At 7:00 a.m. the next door neighbor rang the...

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The house was full
Of Gods and deities
The curtain call was soon
The water vasos were poured
And became the finest of wines
The bread multiplied
The baker you see
Was a part time magician
The fishermen all relaxed
As I saw fish...

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As soon as I landed, Radju, I concluded that these people live like Gods –
Fairy tale like empty airports, queer roads and on them driving cars handsome studs.

One-piece glass in windows and Dutch ware toilets...

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Kang, an asian boy who has lunch by me, has the funniest laugh I know.
I BET IN THE NEXT TEN YEARS... he will become a professional comedian.
YET IN THE NEXT TEN YEARS... he will be...

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My Pet Poems, Max

I hopped onto Craig’s List, made a phone call.  

Next day, with a royal blue, nylon carrier, which had a small, zippered door, sitting on the back seat ready, we drove...

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Once upon a time,
In a secluded, distant kingdom,
There lived a beautiful princess
Who spent her days carefree,
If not slightly impassive,
Exploring the palace gardens and
Dancing nimbly around the courtyards,
More often than not accompanied by her ladies-in-waiting,
The youngest...

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You’re not even.


You’re not the greatest dancer, but I would love to dance with you.
You’re not the greatest singer, but we are so in tune.
You’re not a model or designer, but I love your style.
You’re...

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One of the funniest women I’ve ever heard                           ...

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Circus Clown

Roll up! Roll up!
The circus is in town,
"Damn the weird and wonderful,
 we've come to see the clown".

First, ladies and gentlemen
An amazing double-act to see,
Two fat ladies codgitating
Psychedelic Imagery.

Bearded children flying,
On a razor sharp...

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It's crazy to think
That just nine years ago
The world it had lost
A funny stubborn soul

For most people who knew him 
Like him they couldn't help
Though always sarcastic
We all knew he meant well

He was so very...

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Oh my.
Oh no.
Oh goodness no!
You.
How I dread (and long for) your familiar gaze –
how it haunts me!
I know it as well I know my own tail;
my own nose; my own hole!

You with your sleek, silver...

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He didn't mind other people laughing at him,
made it that much easier to poke fun at them
Talk about how they look,
imitate how they talk
Zing the nerds carrying their school books,
tease the girls about their Lolita...

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From all tomorrows
you’ve been erased,
and all of our sorrows
drip to your lovely face


A light that was lit with forever
as mornings hand past twelve,
left this plain with the ferryman 
in forever your light does delve


At first...

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Suicide is a topic way too serious for jokes. 
Too awkward for many funny bone pokes. 
But Patch Addams was played on this tone. 
By a fighter of demons of others and his own. 

So...

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Well I broke out of Cook County Jail,
With a plastic knife and a wooden pale.
Me sentence was 2 years to me despair,
I decided to escape, dig me way out, it took me 3 years to...

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I don't think you realize how much you mean to me
I want you to know the wonderful man only my eyes can see
I see a man that never gives up he always pushes through
Everything you...

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By the teacher of children in a preschool class
Kids are taught how to listen first time asked

Have good manners by showing respect in school
Which naturally at times they disobey that rule

Life is a stage, each...

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