Long Flasher Poems

I: LOST IN BRITAIN

Poling, Patching, Nether Wallop, 
Matching Tye and Droop

Plumpton, Lickfold, Puddletown, 
Westward Ho! and Throop.

Hole of Horcum, New Invention,
Boghead, Frome, Cat's Ash

North Piddle, Staines and Pen*stone,
Wash Dyke, East Breast and Flash.

Six Mile Bottom,...

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You didn't go out and just buy a costume
at least not when I was growing up.
You had to be more inventive
than just going out to shop.

I learned that simple things 
can make wonderful costumes, too.
I've...

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A preconception in my mind
Of a nudist beach in the sun
Men of pervy persuasion 
Roam the sands 
Eyes behind dark glasses
Men with their dangly bits 
A display of exhibitionism?
A desire to be seen?
A legalised flasher...

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GEORGY BUYS A CAR

                         A man named Georgie had a few--
...

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It's always a chore to make...and still,
   when Halloween comes, I find the will.

   I don't rent or buy costumes you see,
   but dress myself up like I want...

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Cuckoo Dancers

Discarded dusty beer bottle lying dormant on the tracks
Commuters await their carriage
Adorned in business like macks
Trees sway in gentle breeze
Capable of more tension,
Performing their shedding of leaves
Far too many to mention.
 
Pigeon jumps on pigeon
Mating...

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can't even fart anymore
without kicking up a hurricane
halfway around the Earth
according to reports this has occurred
at a great loss of life and mind
within minutes of the methane
the dominoes began to rumble
and poor Flash who was
merely...

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In my summer meadow

Lavender colored milkweeds, growing between dark  purple butterfly peas, are 
perfuming the warm air. 
The color combination is especially pleasing to me; I love purple.
Perfectly round globes of milkweed are a...

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A body of translucent blue spreads before him,
reflecting heavens of stark purity.
He flicks his shiny offering towards depths unknown,
and cranks the oiled reel.
Time  pours slowly,
as the reflective lure moves through crystal waters.
Again the motions...

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A body of translucent blue
reflects heavens of stark purity.
He flicks his shiny offering towards depths unknown
and cranks the oiled reel. 
Time pours slowly,
as the reflective lure moves through crystal waters.
Again the motions transfix thought.
Cast, retrieve,...

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SIR CONRAD

The great explorer Sir Conrad Justine 
Disappeared and was never again seen
Got too near the edge
Slipped on the ledge
Fell two thousand feet in to a ravine...

JIMMY

A bottle Jimmy found at the roadside 
Drank it...

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I used to baby-sit a lot, when I was young
I was a well sort after young miss
I get on really well with kids
And they liked the babysitters kiss.

Each small child I put to bed
A story...

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With my trench coat you will see me
Looking for hoots
Almost in my birthday suit
Except for my boots
I head to the sea front
I’ll find someone there
With my man hood to show you
My private parts I shall...

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Mary Hartman is an average homemaker housewife
with unbelievable circumstances surrounding her life.
Her grandfather got arrested for being a flasher
and the cop who arrested him is sweet on her,
meanwhile Mary's husband can't deal with his impotence
and...

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It's true it happened rather long ago,
but still I grin and break out in a laugh:
a friend arranged a date for me with Jo -
he later said, 'I guess I made a gaffe.'

Let's say it...

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To be taken light-heartedly

HE'S A FLASHER IN A MAC  

Yus; he’s a flasher in a mac, our Jack
Gawd lad; can’t you show some tact

You’re forever up hiding in the public park
Scaring little old ladies,...

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Put your ‘best foot forward,’
But which foot is the best?

‘Put your shoulder to the pump’,
What pump? I’ am getting dressed.

‘Shake a leg now, come on.’
Shake my leg how? I find it is fixed on.

‘Wind your...

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Santa Claus was delivering toys in a sleigh
The jolly ol' fellow was singing, "Hey hey hey."
But Saint Nick was outed
When his reindeer shouted
Zipper's open! Your jingle bells are on display!

He cracked the whip over Rudolph's...

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Tenderly she picked the pink flower
day dreaming of the first flower given
wandering over to the bedecked bower
she dreamily looked at the garden

Memories of happy times came flooding in
the places they had visited together
Roma where they...

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A Flasher at a Nudist Colony

By Elton Camp

It was a long overcoat that he wore
For an act they’d never seen before

Onto the grounds he slyly crept
From the bushes suddenly leapt

“See what you think of this,”
He...

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