Long Chainsaw Poems

De ja vu is seen right before my 7 senses...don't listen to the cries of lies...
Complete me...don't leave me empty - let my 6 become 7 (complete me) This bothersome feeling of disbelief intensifies -...

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No Halloween Candy

I can't get no Halloween candy.
I can't get no Halloween candy.
But I try, and I try, and I try, and I try.
I can't get no.  I can't get no.

Well I'm walking door...

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They say...

Still waters run deep...
Then why are there so many shallow people?

When it rains it pours...
Usually the day after I wash my truck.

Walk softly and carry a big stick...
Or walk hard and carry a small...

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Apple of my eye darling daughter numero deux gifted me...

Twenty four years ago –
February 4th, 2023,
whose existence begat 
by this dada and da mama aye
revel in your bursting at figurative 
seams viz maturation, and know...

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A gentle breeze fluttered the curtain I hid behind, as I strained to hear above the 
pounding of the heart that was trying to break out of my chest, and above the 
roaring behind the...

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Split apart your ribcage, 
Open up the corridors in your mind, let me crawl in 
This feeling of grief and panic instantly zips through me
Ripping my hopes into shreds of worthless paper
I will endure...I will...

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Zotëri Count Dracula
is a terrible, Transylvanian host
Mister Tarantula Fangs serves watered down pâté:
Fermented, sour liver compost

I know, 
because my Planet Terror peep Tarantino
said so

Vladdie’s batty bandë
campy lip sync way too much on the fly
Playing air...

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Incredible Product Warnings

By Elton Camp

Far from folly this hair dry warning is keeping
In telling snoozers, “Do not use while sleeping”

Thinking of putting a curl in your colon or tongue? 
“For external use only,” on curling...

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Halloween at the Bates Hotel (revised)

The attendant in the Ghostface rig was kinda creepy,
When I came in to pay him what I owed.
“Is there a motel nearby? I’m really sleepy.”
He pointed down a dark and...

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I'm walking out into the gorgeous summer day
and I feel nothing at all;
not the warmth of the sun,
the melodies of songbirds,
nor the cars driving by my street
who haven't the slightest clue of what just transpired
a...

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I awoke to the smell of blood,
Wondering what he got me into,
This time around,
After what he did to my parents,
I could never forgive him.

Couldn't believe my parents are dead,
The fire took it all,
And he was...

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Remember the story 
of Billy Goats Gruff?
The troll under the bridge,
and all of that stuff?
If you liked that old story
it's all good and well,
but it isn't at all 
the troll tale I will tell.

Now, Trolius...

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This story begins with Julio Jones,
a logger who worked trees in the Cascades,
never married or had a family,
he was a loner, that just was his way.

Now he was no hermit, by any means,
he would show...

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As if a child should understand an  adult’s muddle,
putrid oil slick puddle,
the dreadful pain we foist on wide-eyed offspring.
Robotic elders crush with rigid slabs of Portland censure,
 whatever spark remains in tiny rosebud coloured...

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The fall is being chased by the restless earth
Longing for self-destruct
Melting peat in soil melting contest
Bind the selected space guard
Carbon in the seepage of the earth

Mother Earth sincerely caressed him to death
His life for the...

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"Oh, hi!"
"Uh, huh?"
"Sorry did I wake you?"
"No this is my resting tree face."
"Oh thank goodness. Did they tell you I was coming?"
"No one tells me anything. Will you please stop doing circles around my trunk?"
"Sorry,...

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this one goes out to all you symbolphrenics
wink wink light the fuse and
bow only before your own image
for we are each a TV studio
with really huge detector molecules
recall that consciousness is tunable
you need only space...

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There's a murderer outside the door.
He wields a chainsaw because he's a fanatic for extravagant antics.
Fantastic.
He's manic. A bipolar man suffering the manic stage.
Some would say the diagnosis said otherwise. Some would say a misdiagnosis....

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their councils priced themselves 
straight out of the mystery market
elevation via will power gone idiotic
still overrated by all the cackling heads
of all the universities
deluded that they count for something
the professors rushed out into the night
tearing...

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Wait a minute, is it already Christmas again
Seems I just took down the lights and the tree
Is there no rest for the downtrodden and weary
This season sometimes takes the Merry Gentleman out of me

So I...

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Wait a minute, is it already Christmas again
Seems I just took down the lights and the tree
Is there no rest for the downtrodden and weary
This season sometimes takes the Merry Gentleman out of me

So I...

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"W,w,w,why are the two of you doing this 
to me".  "Because it's fun Timothy and 
people like you make me sick".  Walking 
over to Linda, Rusty took the scalpel out of 
Linda's hand...

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My heart was pumping hard that day I faced the maddening crowd, 
Despite the spinning in my head I stood there mighty proud. 
Though racked with pain my reddened hand acknowledged them a wave 
And...

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"Nope, nope, nope! I already know why you're here. Don't you dare fell me with that chainsaw!," exclaims the dying tree.

"Well, I need firewood. It's rather obvious you've seen better days", I said.

"Why shouldn't I...

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In a twinkling gaze, when all is said and due
In repertoire of wealth, your lack diminish but rue
Stepping into the new horizon, negativity is set to crunch
Praying for the very next sparkle, the sparkles of...

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