The Interview
"Oh, hi!"
"Uh, huh?"
"Sorry did I wake you?"
"No this is my resting tree face."
"Oh thank goodness. Did they tell you I was coming?"
"No one tells me anything. Will you please stop doing circles around my trunk?"
"Sorry, I'm a skipping stone. It's kind of my thing."
"Is disobeying Newtonian laws of physics also your thing?"
"You sound like my mom."
"Why are you here?"
"I need to interview a dying tree for my school project. I picked you!"
"You go to school?"
"Pebbles Academy, can you believe it? They said it was based on my application essay. Do you wanna know the title?"
"No--"
"Stuck Between a Rock and Unrealistic Expectations of my Family."
"Title's too long."
"Can we start?"
"Start what?"
"The interview."
"I guess. I do have a nail appointment at 5."
"Oh."
"I'm just kidding! I can't move to make an appointment and I don't have nails. Fire away."
"What do you admire most?"
"Flexibility. I used to be flexible. Not so much anymore."
"Hm. Fascinating. What's you biggest fear?"
"The sound of a chainsaw. And department store vans filled with furniture."
"Favorite movie quote?"
(Austrian accent) "I'll be bark!"
"If you were stuck on a deserted island what 3 things would you bring with you?"
"A copy of Pyramid of Success by John Wooden, a copy of the The Wooden Bible, and a DVD of Castaway. I'll figure out how to watch it later."
"What is you biggest regret?"
"I never took a chance in life. I'm just too grounded."
"My last question: in 5 words or less, what advice would you give to a young sapling?"
"Leave it to beaver. Honestly beavers do most of the work around here."
"Thanks again, old tree."
"Anytime, skipping rock."
With that the rock skipped away and into a floating stream.
Left in the quiet, the trees branches swayed in the breeze.
The old tree sighed, a slow groaning creak.
"Anyone else need help finishing assignments?"
At once fawn and fauna crept out of the grassy shadows,
With tiny notebooks and miniscule writing utensils they slunk.
They crept to the edge of the old trees roots,
as many had waited for this moment their entire lives.
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