Halloweenie Roast
Zotëri Count Dracula
is a terrible, Transylvanian host
Mister Tarantula Fangs serves watered down pâté:
Fermented, sour liver compost
I know,
because my Planet Terror peep Tarantino
said so
Vladdie’s batty bandë
campy lip sync way too much on the fly
Playing air guitar riffs
that’ll make any party stiff Mummy die
This I know,
because my dungeon babe Elvira
en-crypt texted me
the down-low
Domnule Wolfman
Were a bad-tempered, English bog bloke
Mister Aristy Lycantrophe takes liquid
anger management medication
This presto change-o firewater potion
got a mean Romanian bite
It ain’t no Jekyll-and-Hyde Howling joke
Please Pumpkinheads, don’t ask me
how I know ...
Because my cannibal pal Hannibal L.
said it’s a sacred doctor/patient violation
to divulge this info
So my tasty Mikey Myers marshmallows,
gather your crystal ball eyes ‘round
the cellar strobe light, Cyrstal Lake campfire
Get Jiggy Saw off the hook Hostel,
and do the Texas two-step Chainsaw Massacre
Jason Voorhees style
Just how slasher far,
Rocky Horror Picture Creepshow
do you wanna go?
On the other severed hand ...
Please don't Normie Bates tell me
just how Samara deep
you're willing to Frank N. Furter go
I really don't wanna know
Old school cut, vintage reel macabre Blob snuff action:
Guaranteed to give you doll-face Annabelle & Chucky wallflowers
5 fingers up,
razor Blade taste of bobbling apple heads satisfaction
As Vic and Frankie Boy, the lab cadaver number one son,
do a drunken, shrunken head dance
with Morticia Addams and Harley Quinn
But be Audrey advised,
don't dare dash Monster Mash skull butt in
Or you’re gonna have some
Little Shop of Horrors’ flowers growing
on your forehead ... Yum-yum!
So have some Terminator fun
you Alien party animals
Lose all Nightmare on Elm Street bladder control
Take a Bughuul Man trickster treat
out of the Jeeper Creepers Candy Man belly bowl
There’s only one parasite Thing,
death notice Lurch doorbell ring, to remember
at this Pet Semetary open house invitation:
When you give a Skeleton Key
Premature Burial ghoul greet,
the proper zombie etiquette scream
must be 1408
ten shivers delivered
Hellraiser late
Cower in fear,
when you see the floating head
of Jacob Marley's ghost ...
his haunting eyes telling you —
Don’t double cross the host:
Robbing the Re-Animator blood bank
at his own Halloweenie roast!
Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2019
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