Long Belched Poems

Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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I Jumped up suddenly out of my bed
With Jack the ripper spinning in my head
And the word cabinet kept floating in my bed
I had a very serious message to deliver
But I don't know who to...

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Oklahoma cowboy, tough coal miner’s son
Born in Henryetta, south of Tulsa some
Raised by daddy’s momma, taught him wrong from right
Daddy taught him ropin’, taught him how to fight
 
Herding made no money, its stock was...

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This the story of Gustybot Melly
His really small nose and his very large belly
He'd finished the biscuits, the cake and the jelly
And munched all the crisps like the ones on the telly

And when he was...

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Various Heresies 8

These are heretical poems with heresies about the bible, god, jesus christ and christianity.


Red State Religion Rejection Slip
by Michael R. Burch

I’d like to believe in your LORD
but I really can’t risk it
when his...

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For contest Sponsored by: (Destroyer ((Poet
My worst poem ever

The sights and the scenes that you might have seen
Will hold no great power or trill
When tonight I regale that wondrous tale
Of the farmer that lived in...

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/'d???g?l/ /'d??s.t?s/

That was what my dictionary 
woke up to show me this morning, 
Who made you one of this angels?
One is called /'d???g?l/ jungle and the other is called /'d??s.t?s/ justice like a league of...

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[To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)]
                         ...

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On a dare
        full well knowing its reputation
                    ...

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It was the "Old West" and the town dusty
When in on his horse came a galloper named Rusty.

He ran into the saloon and shouted aloud
"Big Red's a Comin'" ... which stunned the crowd.

They started to...

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You were here such a long time ago.
I knew you not nor did I have a clue.
I was just a silly giggly little fool.
Days passed by until the Sun set too low.
So I memorized the...

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We have lived a false life, you and I, 
Chasing halcyon dreams through chaos and despair; 
We have ventured beyond the brink, 
And only just returned – with weakened knees 
And tremulous smiles, our hearts...

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because…

the hardware store

owner smirked 

when he collected 

my money order

to pay the utility bill

to get the lights turned 

back on.

 

because…

I slept on a worn out

mattress on the floor,

in a bedroom shared

with my older brother

who...

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Warning: vaguely gross content... hmm, can something be ‘vaguely’ gross?

NO TOILETS IN THE SKY
To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)


Santa’s doing tinkles as he travels on his way
Sprinkling golden showers ’cross the...

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Denver sang Annie's song and the wind howled and swept cold.
I paced across my flooded hall, gathering every drop
The fiery rain sold. Specks of cinder fell
On my face and burnt the skin at every place....

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The Boulder
The anchor ripped through the seabed, lurching and banging trying to get a grip,
Dragged forward at a pace, cutting grooves in the sand under, the belly of the ship.
The anchor locks on to a...

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I live in a little town where the
average age is pushing sixty 
or has pushed past 
and we haven't gotten the word yet
from the officials.

This morning, at a self-imposed, 
post-christmas,
celebration, 
over a big steak, 
medium-well,...

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...But with redcoats in the rear
they couldn’t persevere,
on narrows paths by a small creek
escape from their foes they did seek,
but who would guard the rear?
Stirling and four hundred
brave men from Maryland,
would act as the army’s...

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A Couple Of Nags


A couple of fellows who weren't very bright
Got terribly drunk in the pub one night
It gave them a bit of a shock of course
When in a drunk bet... They each won a...

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On the edge of metropolitan midnight
he lays in a breathless silence
rasping the evanescing yesterdays to his windows
both open and locked,
while the unknowing below in stale smoke barrooms,
wait to sear his wounds and retell his life
in...

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The cabin was stood there, its door was ajar
The owners were out but they couldn’t be far
She was so thirsty she needed a drink
Did she wait outside... well what do you think

She pushed on the...

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 An offering from my slush-pile in lieu
              of anything new 

Santa’s sleigh crash landed in the jungle
He got caught in the...

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since there is a saying 
“noble man walks on the thoroughfare”
Don Quixote abandoned the shortcut-side-road,
steering Rosinante, dashing into the highway 

while he was riding on the highway
something suddenly came into his mind 
a proverb “the...

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Monsters Fear Me

The evil hand of Darkland stayed my play
punishing innocence in a most cruel way
Deep were the slashes cut into my back
No charm did I have to stop this attack
when unearthly monster crossed my...

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The field was strewn with lads clad in Blue and Gray.
Some entwined in death's macabre embrace on that fateful day.
Infantry clashed and cavalry dashed in a struggle to the death.
Boys were heard to gasp, "Mother,...

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