Gustybot Melly - Not For Refined Folk

This is the story of Gustybot Melly His really small nose and his very large belly He'd finished the biscuits, the cake and the jelly And munched all the crisps like the ones on the telly And when he was finished young Gustybot Melly Went down to the shops where he emptied the deli And when a loud rumble came out of his belly The next thing that happened was horribly smelly It gassed a Dalmatian and poisoned a duck A policeman that shouted got smothered in muck It set off a smoke alarm, blew down a wall And toppled a tree that was forty foot tall As people ran home, they were holding their noses, “We're not putting any of that on our roses.” He understood something was terribly wrong But his very small nose could not smell the pong The mind numbing stink killed two bats and a bee Then a cat and a pigeon fell out of a tree Whilst under the sea in a deep ocean trench Two cod and a kipper succumbed to the stench Then Gustybot saw a man holding his nose Was heading his way with a very long hose, “You've poisoned my wife, and my hideous daughter.” And then he let rip with a torrent of water Soggy and dripping, he thought he might drown As the puddles beneath him got deeper... and brown The man said, “We’ve voted to get rid of you For walking around with your pants full of poo.” Gustybot gasped and he let out a belch, “So now I know why when I sit down I squelch.” The man's scruffy daughter was not in fact dead She'd just nodded off scratching fleas off her head She now left the house in a dress filthy dirty And shocked everyone when she got a bit flirty She saw he was shy and not very proud So she passed wind with gusto and belched really loud And Gustybot wondered why all of his life He'd waited so long for this chance of a wife The girl stuck a finger up into her nose And that was the reason that this girl he chose. “Sorry,” she said, “but I've not had my lunch.” Then she pulled out a bogey and started to munch Gustybot made up his mind to propose To the girl who now squeezed the big spot on her nose She said, “I'm so glad that it's me you should choose, Because after all you just pood on my shoes.” And that's how a fellow called Gustybot Melly Got himself wed to a girl who was smelly He offered his ring cos he loved her to bits And swooned when it turned out they both had the squits The caterers served up a hot vindaloo So they spent all their wedding night dripping in poo And once they had nothing but gas in their guts They flew into space spurting flames from their butts.