Jungle All the Way
An offering from my slush-pile in lieu
of anything new
Santa’s sleigh crash landed in the jungle
He got caught in the branches of a tree
He had a wound that could be turning fungal
And sought help from a passing chimpanzee
The chimpanzee was friends with a gorilla
Who said, “You don’t belong up in this tree.”
And Santa said, “Now look, I’m not Godzilla,
So will you or the chimpanzee help me?”
The chimpanzee said, “Ooh-ooh, aah-aah, ooh.”
So Santa bellowed loudly, “Ho Ho Ho!”
The gorilla slapped his hand across his forehead,
“If you’re both talking nonsense I shall go.”
So Santa built a grotto in the jungle
He taught some marmosets to work as elves
A job that Santa hoped they wouldn’t bungle
And soon they would be putting toys on shelves
But then he pulled his sleigh with lions as reindeer
That was an error (soon he’d have the proof)
Although we don’t get snow or freezing rain here
Those lions and the sleigh fell off the roof
When Santa hit the ground his head was foggy
He yelled, “You lions are a bunch of peasants
Each one of you is just a clumsy moggy
So dumb you can’t deliver children’s presents.”
Their Christmas lunch so juicy that it squelched
The lions ate their fill then licked their paws
One lion looked embarrassed when he belched
And then said, “Oops, we’ve eaten Santa Claus!”
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