Long All hell broke loose Poems
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Congressman and senators forewent
all manner of civility, fidelity and integrity wii
hull ding broadswords, derringers
and exhibiting the right to bare firearms
as all hell broke loose as testimony
to the dire prognostication foretold
more than saber rattling and Gatling guns que
kind from lambastes, fisticuffs
and brickbats ratcheted up as agents provocateurs nee
said obedience to semper fidelis credo, coda and cock knee
stance when dire straits called for restraint
against excess versus raising cane old hickory
i.e. Andrew Jackson latched onto when opposing with energy
plus verve espoused by fellow delegates,
and his hologram ghost bloody
from battle scars outside and/or inside
the halls of government where blows bashed
dovetailed elected legislators to officiate
as angry birds viz brouhaha clashed
Federalist against their nemesis
of the twenty first century
during the term of Donald Trump
who throve on the cutthroat frenzied
internecine lawlessness dashed
to and fro, hither and yon
any hopelessness for civilians to escape bloodshed
spilled from without vaunted halls of justice,
the approach of doomsday
writ large as anarchy and mayhem flashed
with uproarious coup d’etat,
I liked her; she was a strong women,
she could bench press 200 Ibs.
We drifted apart
I heard she got into female sumo wrestling,
I guess that should have been a red flag.
We still corresponded on Facebook.
When she changed her name to Butch
and her preferred pro-noun to Z,
I thought it may have been just me
she was pranking.
Then one night we met by chance
In the same pub.
Tats, nose bolt and red crew-cut,
her I, mean not I.
All hell broke loose
when a tough looking drunk
wolf whistled her.
Fists flew and bloody mayhem erupted.
The guy has since transgendered -
he’s now a right pussy
and their dating.
Kinda lost it today, so the truth be out
Totally love you, of that there's no doubt
Passion overtook me, my emotions broke free
Out came my craving my craving for thee
It tests my restrain for ultimate endurance
Was doing quite well till this recent occurrence
All hell broke loose, and I lost my composure
Feelings took over showing total exposure
Can't live without you, I'm yours heart and soul
I submit to your charms, I've lost all control
Until that moment my restraint must remain
Although I will suffer this unbearable pain
Well worth the wait, of that there's no doubt
Until it happens my poor heart will pout
Have always been able to show great restraint
But my craving belies this sweet picture I paint
So when somebody asks me if I'm feeling okay
I'll pretend things are normal but long for that day
When I first took up residence,
We were neighbours who kept to ourselves.
But I needed more room
Abundantly provided
Thanks to your unwitting generosity.
That's when your trouble started.
Those odd bouts of tiredness
You put down to overwork and stress.
All you needed was a holiday
Or so you were led to believe.
I was sorry about your little headaches
But I had to stretch myself still further.
Even beyond that point we were doing so well
Until you began seeing double.
That's when all hell broke loose
And they found you had an unwanted guest.
They tried to evict me
But I had burrowed deep
To keep you as my host.
Our symthanatic relationship
Means we must go together.
It was, I really must admit, with quite some trepidation
I braced myself and stepped up to the vacant self-serve station.
Placed my bag in readiness to save having to lift it
but a female robot voice boomed out and made me go and shift it.
After that it beeped and flashed as everything got scanned,
all items being packed away exactly as I'd planned.
Until I moved my shopping bag for another I'd be using
then 'Red Alert!' all hell broke loose,
the staff all stared, accusing.
Enough's enough- abandon ship, why let this thing unnerve me?
I'm off to find a corner shop, and let a human serve me.
Years ago when the kids were young
A plan of action in my mind began
They ran around playing children's games
Peace of mine was never the same
When the boys dressed up they looked real cute
Fighting baddies they were in hot pursuit
Many months I put up with this
The noise, the screaming, tearing at my bliss
Then came the day all hell broke loose
No more their father could be a woose
Leonardo, Michelangelo were the first to be shelled
Raphael and Donatello were next to be felled
Once simmered with herbs and beautiful leek hoops
Teenage Ninjas, turned into Turtle Soup
Many hours of quietness in tranquillity followed
Whilst bowls of Manhattan Soup were delightfully swallowed
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-2.php
Jack and Jill went up the hill
This was never in dispute
It was how Jack fell down
With severe lacerations to his crown
That the jury had to conclude
Jill had a bun in the oven
The news was all over town
The bakers' wife was aghast
Her husband and his shady past
He liked a cream tart
Though, when cautioned down the red-light district
Cream was never mentioned in the Constables statement
Back to that ill-fated day on the hill
Jill says Jack was going down, on her
He was certainly on the edge
A couple walking their dog, state the baker was on the ledge
This was later dismissed when the couple admitted they didn’t have a dog
This was light relief for the jury in this sorry affair
Mrs Black didn’t turn up to church on Sunday
The stand in vicar didn’t know this, being new
All hell broke loose as the witness swore
Jill gave birth on the floor
A black child appeared
There was uproar
The baker shouted to his wife, with a frown
Three women stood up
So he sat down
They all turned to the bench
The Judge was holding his gavel
Somewhat in despair
DNA later found traces of poor Jacks hair
The Judge was taken down, mumbling
She said she was on the pill, Jill
That was the end of this sorry tale
Though the papers ran amok
Mondays headline read
Jack and Jill went up the hill, with the folks of Trill for an orgy and thrill
But things got out of hand
The Judge saw red, and whacked Jack dead
And they all came tumbling after.
They came in singing and the beagle jumped off the couch.
Ran straight to the door, yipping with excitement. It was beginning.
Are we the first? Melinda asked. The kids were laden with presents
Glad they were, kid’s cousins would whisk them away soon enough.
Got in fast hugs and kisses, and they began tearing off their scarves.
Hats, coats, mittens, landing on the floor next to their boots.
In an hour, the whole living room would be covered with happy people.
My husband was hiding upstairs in the bathroom. Big brave grandpa!
Saw the little one taking a sugar cookie; good for him. I applauded that.
His mother wanted to help me. I am finished, I told her. Ready to sit.
The kitchen smells were making me salivate, and I am not a big eater.
The next family came in with three more kids.
That’s when all hell broke loose.
Grandpa shouted “Hey! Hey! Hey!”
as they scrambled up the stairs past him.
“Hi Grandpa!” Charlotte said.
Giving him a grin that satisfied him the rest of the year.
Christmas at our house, and they just kept coming.
Relatives and friends, telling stories, laughing, joking, hugging.
It is the most glorious day of the year for both of us. I love Christmas!
Once upon a time, a Bedeviled Bachelor,
fell in love with a Sinister Spinster.
It seemed to be a match made in Heaven,
until the day all Hell broke loose.
It started when the Bachelor's Brother,
laid eyes on the Sinister Spinster's Sister.
It occured at Bachelor and Spinster's wedding.
Brother was best man, Sister was maid of honor.
Bachelor and Spinster was completely unaware
that this wasn't the first time the two had met.
On the contrary, they had met years ago;
And totally despised one another.
The irony was, it too was at a wedding.
This time, Brother was best man to Best Friend,
Sister was maid of honor to College Roommate.
The two hooked up after way too many drinks.
Needless to say, the encounter was disastrous.
He passed out while on top of her small frame,
then proceeded to hurl all over the bed
while she was pinned helplessly underneath.
It made a mess of her beautiful gown,
not to mention the damage it did to her hairdo.
The poor girl was trapped like a rat for hours,
because she couldn't pry his 250 lbs. off of her.
When she was finally able to wriggle free,
she commenced to kicking the living daylights out of him.
He came to with this wild Hellcat screaming maniacally,
and pummeling him black and blue. He retaliated.
So, the moment they saw each other again;
after their last unforgettable encounter,
the fight began just like it ended before...full tilt!
Bachelor and Spinster intervened immediately.
Unfortunately, they got caught up in the melee too.
Bachelor pulled Sister off of Brother,
Spinster pulled Brother off of Sister.
Sister kneed Bachelor, Brother decked Spinster!
When it was finally laid to rest...
Spinster blamed Bachelor for Brother,
Bachelor blamed Spinster for Sister.
It ended the relationship and wedding.
Five years later, the Bedeviled Bachelor
was still a practicing Bachelor.
And the Sinister Spinster, well she decided...
Men suck and married her Sister's Girlfriend.
Three convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.
Those three people said that I won a thirty million dollar lottery and then yelled "April Fool".
They sold me a fake lottery ticket with the winning numbers.
They started laughing and said that a person couldn't be any dumber.
For a few minutes, they tricked me into thinking that I was a rich man.
I thought that I could drive a Rolls Royce and throw away my minivan.
When those idiots yelled "April Fool", all hell broke loose.
They thought it was funny and didn't expect such abuse.
I beat the hell out of all three of them and they made loud thuds when they fell.
I'm as poor as I ever was and now I will be spending the next year or two in jail.
I'm in a lot of trouble, I also broke some other things in addition to breaking the law.
When I repeatedly punched those convenience store clerks, I broke their ribs and jaws.
My obese mother-in-law just yelled "April Fool" after saying that she was going to pay my bail.
I just knocked her on her bloated butt so now I guess I'll be spending even more time in jail.