Landlady Poems

Laughter -For Lucille Ball

Laughter creased my face
With the wideness of joy in a darling
Hallooing loudly, Hawaii!
Making me younger with weakly wrinkles,
It warmed my heart with a flaming ring of mirth.
And I liked it.
I watched the waves as they rose and fell,
Like the big flattered locks of a comely
Landlady combing her tresses on a windy, snoopy 
Sunday morning.
And I loved it.
Who are next to be loved?
Lucy & Lucille.
One laughs 
The other winces with laughter
When cold fleeting winds blow over
Our inchoate sensibilities.
And we love it —
Like we loved Lucy.
Categories: landlady, tribute,
Form: Ode

Premium MemberWoody Woodpecker


Woody Woodpecker happily pecks in his tree-house decent,
mean landlady Meany evicts him, for he doesn’t pay the rent.
So, he plans his antics, stops real estate to sprawl in his forest,
tricks Lance, the harassed lawyer, to gift him a new tree-nest.
Categories: landlady, funny,
Form: Clerihew


Alright beaut?

"Alright beaut?"
The landlady said
As she poured a fresh pint 
Of Ale for our Fred

"Hangin" said Fred
As he supped at his beer
"I been working all week 
Restoring that pier"

Nice little earner
For someone, you see
Brings all the punters 
Down to the sea

Property prices
Will go through the roof
But will be much too high 
For Gethin and Ruth

They'll be displaced
Just over the border
In cheap rundown flats
Where others marauder
Categories: landlady, fun,
Form: Rhyme

A Crooked House

There was a crooked house 
in a crooked part of town
Where you could down a pint or two
and let your life calm down
A place to relax and to de-stress
with friends and glass or two.
Yes we loved that little crooked house,
with its ice cold special brew.

It was a warm and friendly place
met always with a smile
A place to sit and talk and laugh
and for us to sit awhile.
A place to go and socialise 
and meet up with your mate.
A place to take a new found friend 
or maybe a new date.


Alas one night there was a roaring fire
and the crooked house burned down 
The structure was deemed unsafe to stand 
and so was bulldozed to the ground.
We're sad to see that its now gone 
and our beloved crooked house is no more.
Just sodden pile of bricks and stone
lay in a rubble on the floor.


So thank you friend and Landlord,
Landlady and bar staff. 
For the friendly service with a smile 
and for all the friendly chat
for all the beers served and drank
and the laughter and fun, thanks alot
we hold dear in our hearts and minds
Good times never forgot


Thanks to the little crooked house
Categories: landlady, appreciation, environment, farewell, loss,
Form: Rhyme

Premium MemberGurgling Radiators

I come home to great works of literature submerged in water
Knee deep
The landlady tells me not to worry
You don't need sugar in coffee - you're sweet enough 
Arteta, the Arsenal manager is asked about superlatives
The poet within him replies, "I don't mind adjectives".
Categories: landlady, animal, anxiety, appreciation,
Form: Free verse


Krishna Has An Ink Effect In Our Greater Supplication These Days

Krishna has an ink effect in our greater supplication, these days!

How come?
From when?
For quite a few days! Since I returned from Bangladesh.
It seems quite a hazard! 

Are you in truce with your landlady?
That is another epic ! An enormous one !
Attuned harmony, cryptocurrency in scripted Java, and Architectural Parthenon, ding dong, in ping pong

And I simply pondered
Which trash can served the son
In serving chores for "Tapati" , the grandiose mentor?

O, Fix yourself, just look at you!
You are just an advertised face of Sandalina Sandal soap , these days!
Have you ever washed your holy month of Sha'ban, 
of days bygone? 
Or a pure "Miswak?"

How far are you? In your own mirror?
Till the recorded reels are disposed, 
to the fullest extent!
An unknown rural tune is surmising in only fluke news

A floating trochaic, in enormous hypes!

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tapati
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sha%27ban
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miswak
Categories: landlady, art,
Form: Free verse

A Commander Deserted By Sleep

It was noon for Lady Amanda
And in drove a Platoon Commander:
Gerald Rutherford, full Lieutenant
Many years back her Quiet Tenant...

Now Military, still Great Manners,
As though in defence of Great Banners,
The two hoisted in front of his Jeep
And a white he chose to close keep...

Key off Jeep's Ignition box, a leap:
He's had something robbing him Good Sleep
"Yes, what's it that you want, Commander?"
"Oh, thanks, Sweet Lady! Your Miranda..."
"You didn't say: Ex - Land Lady's smile."

"Oh my God! Just begun bad file!"
Categories: landlady, courage, integrity, marriage, war,
Form: Rhyme

Light Comparisons Woman and Man

The woman is

milk juice,

the man is

sugarcane juice...

the woman is

Apple pear,

the man is

lemon fruit...

the woman is

for pro sec

the man is

 brandy...

the woman is

sweet potato,

the man is

manioc...

the woman is

the heat,

the man is

popcorn...

the woman is

violin,

the man is

trombone...

the woman is

basilar,

The man

it's acidity...

the woman is

the road,

the man is

truck...

the woman is

a garden,

the man is

the wilderness...

the woman is

to forgive,

the man from

kill executioner...

the woman 

 never is afraid,
tô donate

the man is

afraid to surrender...

the woman is

Calm sea,

the man is

angry river...

the woman is

beauty flower,

the man is

proud cactus...

the woman is

right sure,

the man is

kinda crooked...

the woman is

landlady,

your man is

farmer...

But love is a strong link

that promotes communion,

love is the amalgam that unites them

and do party in the heart...

Separated they produce nothing...

but together they bear fruits
    in creation...!
Categories: landlady, allegory, allusion, analogy, extended
Form: Free verse

The Craving Scoops of Cream- Based On Strawberry Ice Cream

Fresh and flavourful organic strawberries
Ground with the berries of our hearts,
Do blend with majestic creams
To celebrate this sweat-pouring afternoon
With a nice dish which feasts tongues.

This dessert is both life-giving and life-threatening;
She strengthens our heartbeats
While touching our taste buds;
And kills our precious lives
When she reaches only our eyeballs.

She is the landlady across seas and lands
For the children of sweet minds and tides;
Everytime I curate an icy day,
I believe in the right culinary recipes of her way
To carefully craft each scoop with her gorgeous grace.
Categories: landlady, fantasy,
Form: Free verse

Happy Birthday, Talia

Today is Talia Shire's birthday and she's turned seventy-four.
She starred in the Rocky and Godfather movies and more.
Talia Coppola was her original name.
It's not surprising that she found fame.

The Landlady was my favorite movie that she starred in.
She also gave great performances in Prophecy and Old Boyfriends.
When it comes to Talia, there are two things that I know for sure.
She is very talented and millions of people love and admire her.

(Dedicated to Talia Shire who turned 74 today.)
Categories: landlady, birthday, celebrity, film,
Form: Rhyme

Premium MemberI Knew They Were True

The stories kept coming. 
They were so abnormally crazy I knew they were true.
No child could make things up this fast or this hard. 
And the tears were real.

They were not living under a bridge yet, 
but they have to move tonight.
The landlady took their keys away last night.  
Mom and stepdad were fighting.

Three children have no idea where they are going
And they do not know how they are going to go because
Mom’s car was stolen on Sunday.

They are packing up tonight, 
leaving for an unknown destination. 
Life is confusing and sad for this eleven-year-old children.

Her parents have shared every little detail of horror
with her, and her seven-year-old brother. 
Luckily the eleven-month-old does not understand yet.
She is now telling me about her aunt running from the
police. Uncle is in jail. I am checking out, because I cannot
hear any more of her sadness just yet.
Categories: landlady, hurt, stress,
Form: Free verse

Premium MemberRe-Holstering Death Between Puffs of Moonlight

A lifetime ago, somewhere in Houston, I really tied one on.
Somewhere in the wreckage of a ninety-proof night.
I got into a fight and lost the keys to my apartment.
With a boozy shoulder, I attempted to ram down the door. 
My landlady pointed a shiny 44 at my forehead.  
Thankfully she recognized me between puffs of moonlight. 
She re-holstered my death and walked away in a huff.
(There's something about a tight little blonde with a big shiny gun)
She wouldn't talk to me for days...until the rent was up.



This story is 89 proof with only one tiny embellishment...
Categories: landlady, abuse,
Form: Free verse

The Inn

The Inn
 Many years ago an uncle of mine
 told a story what happened at a small hotel
near the sanatorium, the guest had been visiting loved ones.
The evening meal consisted of meat cakes in gravy with
stewed cabbage an boiled potatoes, Norway is not
famed for French cuisine, but they ate well.
In the end, there was only one meat cake left
and the landlady urged the guests to eat all,
no one wanted to so she switched off the light.
For a moment a stunned silence, then a high pitched
scream alarmed she switched on the light
 a man sat there with five forks stuck in his hands.
On reflection, the story has a tinge of sadism, 
and I cannot vouchsafe if the story is true.
Categories: landlady, abuse, age, blue,
Form: Blank verse

Premium MemberI Think You Stink

I've tried to tell you you’ve got bad halitosis
When you open your mouth folk can’t fail to notice!

The stench of your putrid dog breath I simply abhor
Just use a toothbrush before you head out the door!

I’ve dropped subtle hints but you don’t take the bait
I even left you mouthwash when you had a blind date!

Last Christmas I gave you some soap on a rope
It’s still in its box; so I’ve just given up hope!   

If you use a deodorant perhaps you’d then get hired
Your personal hygiene leaves so much to be desired!

The impression you give is that you’re a total slob
It’s no wonder that employer’s won’t give you a job!

You claim that you’re happy with the ‘caveman look’
As your landlady I’m telling you to go sling your hook!

***********FICTION WRITE********************

‘*sling your hook’ means leave or go away

I wish I had the guts to say what I really felt Contest
Sponsored by Line Gauthier

8/10/18
Categories: landlady, humorous, senses, slam,
Form: Couplet

Mrs Cuntley

Mrs. Cuntley, 
a widow is my landlady.
Chubby and kinda motherly 
she cooks for me. 

We drink on the weekends, 
and the hot stuff begins.
In a see-through gown 
she comes into my room and goes down.

I can’t resist 
the passion in her hot kiss. 
Horny and all perfumey 
she rides, wildly!

We ride the powerful waves of ecstasy.
Tit for tat I like it like that, sexually.
A cougar that will not be denied 
before she is satisfied. 

Hot and sweaty 
we rock steady. 
I feel her coochie grip, 
As she bites her lower lip. 

She turns red 
and throws back her head.
Suddenly, 
we are blown out of the bed ! 



#Cougar 


This story is from the past.
Categories: landlady, age, desire, lonely, lust,
Form: Rhyme

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