In a crowd of geese and egret crouches
There was a glimpse of myself in the mirror,
My skin; the same complexion, my eyes, my hair.
And yet I cannot recognize my voice as I speak,
When my teeth chatter out the words from my mind,
It is as if my control has slipped away.
Living mechanically with the enslavement of my own mind.
You’ve spent years gathering pieces.
Lessons woven into your hands,
stitched into your voice,
threaded through the way you move.
Still, you hesitate.
As if wisdom needs a witness.
As if truth needs permission.
As if you are waiting for someone
to say, yes, you are allowed.
But no one is coming to grant you authority.
No degree, no title, no nod of approval
will make you more of what you already are.
You know.
You have always known.
And when you finally claim it—
they will know too.
You said you hated liars
But you’ve always lied to me
You despised being deceived and used
How ironic, you’ve done worse
Telling me I could open up to you
Then twisting my words against me
Giving me all the hard work
And taking all the credit as the “leader”
Now, that your truth is crystal clear
I won’t stay silent, not this time.
Tick.
Rattling in my brain,
Tick.
I—
Tick.
Tick.
Can’t imagine you’re pain,
I too—
Tick.
Tick!
Once felt that way,
Did you ever—
Tick!
Tick!
Try those breathing exercises?
I heard they—
TICK.
Gasp!
TICK.
Stop panic attacks on the horizon,
No well—
TICK.
GASP.
TICK TICK TICK TICK!
Maybe you’re faking it.
We see ourselves unimpeded initially
Some are stricken with a view artificially
We are told by others very specifically
There is a ceiling so proceed timidly
We try in vain with no support futilely
As we age blazing the path dizzily
Sometimes we see the results dismally
Eventually we learn to climb skillfully
We began to achieve sufficiently
Eventually finding success brilliantly
Living life with dreams so vividly
Sadly, a haunting voice still speaks flippantly
Reminding us of the ceiling frigidly
We remain in the arena mistily
Each overcautious step taken judicially
We endure the voice shouting viciously
The battle to continue is done willfully
sometimes I feel like a two way mirror,
people look at me and I look at them,
with that hint of recognition,
do I know you, my friend?
And they'll say, "I've known you my whole life"
the truth concise, and said so nice,
it almost made me want to believe,
and so we go on playing pretend,
that friends we are and friends we've been,
but plainly put it is to see,
that look on you when you see me,
inside I twist unrecognizably,
But on I go playing the part,
for friends I have to share my heart,
I won't, but it's nice to know, you know,
sometimes you're a little less miserable,
so thank you friend for seeing me,
and possibly deceiving me,
I'm glad we've had our little rendezvous,
but I'm getting so sick of trying to be you
I sometimes try but obviously am
bound to more often than not fail
To hide behind my cocoon spun
silken webb of lie's
For fear of otherwise being exposed
that I doth not possess any or little
or no intrigue or mystery at all
Besides what you see cowering
dastardly in front of you here before
you now
So mistakenly I take a bow forgetting
rather I should have been curtseying
instead
But regretfully for me my head over
rules my heart
When like baby I feel trapped and
am unable to react and am forced
into a corner
As fear has stolen from me my
confidence and silenced my voice
so I dare not wish speak out
As I am so frozen statuesque dumbstruck
to the point I can not even in or through
the graceful ambient language of sign
Have the ability nor emotional depth
to display the sense of inner turmoil
pulsating through my veins down to
my core
And the reason why what not only
I but the world sees now in I is
Someone suffering from a terminal case
of Imposter Syndrome
Sometimes that mimetolith is a fraud
Torturing on the murky face of you
I understate it so feels worthy
By my blood taking the plunge worthy
In the name of love I execute the fraud
A little bit pretentious just for you
I do paralyzing and took you
Sacrilege of fires and worthy
Is it natural love and how much is fraud?
I have always done fraud, you are so worthy
With purpose her steps project pearlescent elegance
Finely cut fabric falls from her waist, embellishes
Weightless momentum, legs timed as ballroom
bustle musical march beside busy suburban thrum
Range Rover overgrown zebras meander, hands free
Inhabit hair salon adjacent spots, to emerge panthers
Claws comb plumb neat pelt on gym angular shoulders
Watched white teeth greet crimped cappuccino domes
From rotting fence, cluttered sunroom mottled streets
Feral hedges blend shed dilapidation with neighbours
Pearl recalls the rural run-down houses, howling low hope
Chimneys emitting messages to status never received
Mauve smoke drifts to city monotonous nonchalance
Eleventh level sky view squares share trove of eventide
Tang in coveted ticket operas from atop lavish lifestyle
High rise residents' glinted sun sets show mirrors only
20th March 2021
Written for Contest : Eight Word Bard
Sponsor : John Hamilton
Words of necessary inclusion are:
pearlescent, thrum, plumb, crimped,
feral, howling, eventide, tang
She presented all goodness and kind
Reveled in the ridiculous and sublime.
A sanguine disposition, purification of light
And ever so softly with a smile of delight,
She would step on you gently with all of her might……
BIO MODIFIED – CONCEITED IMPOSTER
Conceited
A poet a playwright, an actor and dreamer.
I love my reflection, a challenge, applause.
I’ve thought of a screenplay, a sit-com and novel.
I feel I am perfect, a genius, appealing.
I fear I’ll be wrong on all three of those feelings.
I’d like to write music, to sing and to dance.
A resident of dreamland, I don’t have a chance.
Imposter
31st March 2020
Bio Modified contest
Sponsor - Dear Heart
My Notes: You May find it difficult to understand the situation in this poem, so did I, but not in the reading. I’m a hack Poet at best, which is why I didn’t submit it in the contest about rising above reality. When I finish the short story on the events this poem is based it will be come apparent, and like me you will say; “WHAT?” .
No Imposter, I
Should I once ignore your smile
Call the undertaker
For I be dead unless I be
Imposter fraud or faker
Yet should I be, blind to thee
Even should a fraud I be
Interloper still would see
The beauty that resides in thee
Never shall I stay your kiss
Nor from your hug extract
Nor fail to stroke your flaxen strands
Never shall do that
Should we walk with hands unheld
Call the lawmen in
Tis not I you walk beside
But someone in my skin
Never shall I aim to roam
Nor draw another's eye
Change not I, lest I die
No Imposter, I
19 November 2018
I’m merely a novice
Trying to blend
Disguised as competence
They let me in
I squeezed past
The judges table
By talking fast
I seemed able
My gift of gab
Paved the way
Scored a cab
And bed to lay
Now I’m here
Out of place
Insincere
I hide my face
A humble ornament
Adorning corners
Fake and fraudulent
Along the borders
Don’t come to me
With eyes a’glow
In hopes to see
All that I know
I’m an imposter
A wanna be
So please don’t bother
Studying me
Sub Categories
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