Funny Kids Poems

   Missing Piece

   There is a piece of me missing. Not sure where to find it. I've looked in my room...

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we have a clock up on the mantel
it's right just twice each day
but, when you get to my age
i guess that it's ok
i don't need...

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Leafy ferns and little frogs
Toads live in the garden
Weeds and grass and daffodils
And poop...I beg your pardon

Yes poop is in there from the cat
That roams...

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sit and listen to the quiet
it's outside the christmas norm
because now, when all is silent
it's the calm before the storm

the kids are upstairs sleeping
you're resting,...

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You've read my rant from yesterday
About those Christmas Letters
But one thing just disturbs me
Those Ugly Christmas Sweaters!!!

You know the ones we love to hate
They're ...

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Christmas is traditions
some last and others die
some leave you feeling fuzzy
others leave you asking "Why?"
There's rules that must be followed
And most of them we know
About...

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I don't know how it started

But it's an annual event

But I don't think that an egg hunt

Is the best way to present

The story of our...

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This was accidentally written as a common to my buddy, Line.
Yes, THAT Line.
The famous Line.
The one who wins all the contests, and 
we all love...

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If I had a dinosaur I would be insanely happy.
If I had a dinosaur I would be the best me of all.
If I had a...

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Once upon a time, Lucy useless
Would eat breath mints
Even though she had no teeth

Lucy juicy
Dance watusi
Eats watermelons because they're juicy

She don't like broccoli
Drinks hot chocolate
Shallows...

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I’m very pleased to introduce to you
something once a toy made completely new.

All you need are two good legs and balance! But it’s not a...

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Mrs. Doubtfire


Divorced and so wanting his kids
The custody ruling forbids
Him seeing them much
An idea he'd clutch
Get rescued from fatherhood skids

A Nanny, mom wanted for them
He...

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Half eight
Can’t wait

      “Let’s go!”
      Kids slow

Mum stressed
“Get dressed!”

      ...

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Dear Cardi B, I understand you make money moves
Maybe you should go to college and study too
I hate this new generation of rappers, I'd rather...

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Sophie Smith came home from school, her blue eyes shining bright,
Her mum saw what was in her hand, and turned completely white.
“Look Mummy!” she cried...

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I'm going to tell you something and I'll be quite plain.
I have a fifteen year old son who couldn't be potty trained.
I tried to potty...

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I have a dog named Two-bits
Once had a dog named Dollar
Two-bits never comes when called
Not even when you holler.

Dollar was the better dog
Dutiful and gentle
Two-bits...

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The Wolfman  #145

Pain and love are two ends of a coin
If you flip it no one knows
Where they land, 
Hopefully in the pocket of...

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(alternately titled one me silly more till manufactured 
from go win addle American 
non refundable private parts) 

each set of twenty three chromosomes 
the basic...

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Toy companies are pretty sly,
Their flashy ads are slick,
But still they cannot fathom why,
They CANNOT beat a stick.

My children, see, aren’t satisfied,
With toys and games...

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