Carry the burdens
Too long
Not knowing when
To give up
Especially there is nothing
Worth keeping
No reason to fight for it
Showering me
Nothing but pain
Embedded in me
Driving my anger so wild
But they are already gone
Probably shifted to another place
Why I am still holding onto them
That was the question
Circulating in my mind
Sleepless nights
Voices talking to me
Disturbing images
No longer feeling
Just there
But not here
The turning point
Wanting to change
As my heart and eyes
Being exposed
With God's Holy Light
Realising
The illusions
Feeding with trauma and violence
Too much
Been in that field
Way too long
Releasing heavy tears
Closing my eyes
Throwing away
Out of my way
Light in my heart
Airy steps
Soul revives
Scars
The aftermath
From trials and obstacles
Bruises
Now may still hurts
But knowing these will heal
Going to sleep
Simple smile
Opening new day for me
Closer to happiness
© Sue Sanzz 2020
Crossing lines of all the classes
We all come up with the same excuse
concealing eyes behind dark glasses
the lies we tell to hide abuse
What wicked thoughts must control
the splintered fragments of one's mind
scars disfigure a gentle soul
deep impressions are left behind
Echoing though shattered ears
silent screams within the crying
whispered secrets behind the tears
why must it end with someone dying?
The sorrow caused by this cruel hand
the disturbing images that remain
God, help me stop this horrid man
God, help me stop inflicting pain
God, help me stop
God, help me!
My life is becoming a black hole
“Your eyes are black” she says
If eyes are the gateway to our souls, my soul must be black
Light fading, desire waning, and hope disappearing
My life is becoming a black hole
My body wants to die, my brain wants to live, a bitter conflict that make me weak.
I close my eyes and pray for silence.
Dark voices, disturbing images, pain, the vile music endlessly playing in my brain.
I need to sleep my body is fading, but dark thoughts are always invading.
As night turns to day, I pray for solace, some peace and light.
Fear grips once again, I know that eventually the black hole will forever swallow my soul.
(After the rape, and for the rest of her life,
Artemisia turned out canvas after canvas
containing disturbing images of women
beheading men - with obvious phallic
castration undertones.)
Judith and Holofernes
There’s only one way to be free of them.
The only good aggressor’s good and dead.
But should my righteous blade head for the stem,
or does the jeopardy stem from the head?
Sweet and severe, the certainty of steel!
I love its coldness, clarity: that sheen
which says, “the damage I dispense, I will not feel:
the pain you’ll take is curative and clean.”
There’s that in Man which is incontinent.
He seeps, exudes, secretes. He oozes filth
which is, once free of him, mere excrement.
Best cauterize him, to preserve our health.
So, pull him taught, for cleaner cut. Lay on!
For I demand the head of Jokanaan.
Disturbing images swirling around in my head
Wishing life was as simple as it seems
Fighting demons in my soul
Anger and misery becomes my companion
Seeing red trying to fight through these feelings
They say breathe and it will pass though it never does
Being tortured day in and day out
No sleep with paranoia, a recipe for disaster
Take your meds they say just to become a lab rat
Side effects messing with my head
I do not know which is worse
My demons or the meds
Still stuck my own head
Not moving
Not thinking
Only feeling
Laying on my bed
Only silently watching the disturbing images in my head
Unprovoked attacks
Death screams from the hearts of the innocent
A child's last breath
Lies in your arms
Raise your weapon
For the sickness f****ing your mind
Protect and serve?
F*** that, let's massacre them all
Let's burn and pillage
This family's home and make them watch
Piss in this man's hands
And spit at his feet
Let bullets rain on his chest
So his children see
Protect and serve?
Intimidate and rape
They fear your "help"
And comply with tears in their eyes
And a gun to their temple
Dirt on their knees, in a pool of their father's blood
Protect and serve?
I think not.
*About a news report I recently saw, about U.S. soldiers killing innocent civilians for
sport. (This has been going on since there has ever been wars, it's not a new issue.) They
blamed it on being in a drug-induced state of mind, and on seeing disturbing images of
warfare. We debated in my class whether or not this type of murder can be justified. I
argued strongly and loudly that NO traumatization or drugged mind is a just reason to
murder and torture innocent people. The U.S. military is here to PROTECT and SERVE all
people. Does this sound like protection to you?
How to wash dark breaths of the past
Bearing words that resembles a poem
That has lost its color. Overcast by a memory
Silence forms disturbing images
And offers you reason to believe they all belong to you.
The secret is how to shape the surprise
And deliver it to the inhaled breath,the reading ears
Of the reader translated from the silence
Of this other 'self.' You bring forth new verse
Being careful not give away its meaning....
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