its 4:44 in the morning and the lights are off. Everyones
asleep. Silently dreaming. The shadow moves throughout
the
house , it wakes me to tell me something. It speaks but i
can`t hear, i look at the clock but can`t see it only
knowing
that its 4:44 still. The shadow moves away ever so slowly
and
fades away to nothing. I lie there waiting for time to
unfreeze. My mind races to unfamilure memories of
unfamilure places. This must be a dream or nightmere.
None of this can be real. Knowing its still 4:44 i move my
legs
to the edge of the bed and place them on the floor that is
no
longer there. I free fall in to the darkness only to be
caught
by the shadow who i am now standind next to , we stand
over my body, we are looking at the shadow standing
over
me taking my soul . I died in my sleep. The clock is
forever
froozen at 4:44............john comstock 1\29\12
Just to be re-born suggests,
This life is nothing but a test,
So karma or a resurrection,
Disguises truth for our protection...
Are ones who leave us truly gone,
Though we believe that they moved on,
As writing on a granite stone,
Secure the plot of land they own...
Why question what is consequence,
Suggesting it may make some sense,
While others sit and contemplate,
And hoping chance is found by fate...
But somehow death seems to explain,
Just what is left and who to blame,
Bringing us but one conclusion,
Based on faith but no illusion...
So I ask the ones here after,
Fill me with your love and laughter,
So when the life from me is torn,
The soul in me can be re-born...
I used to think I needed help to stop this self harming craze.
But today I realize I love the way my blood runs from my veins.
It reminds me that I have the strength, to live, to die.
I may cut, its my way to survive.
You can sit here and cry because I must hurt myself.
And I'll try to hide this part from you cause you think I want to die.
You have your drugs, I have my scissors.
We all harm ourselves to survive.
There will never be a day were I truly want to die.
Nothing hurts worse then suicide.
Trust me, I'd never leave you.
But know, this is like ecstasy the way the steal lets me be free.
Find some clarity some peace.
I dont cut to realase the pain, or to play some childish game,
with life or death.
Angels whisper to me in my sleep
Your afterlife is coming don't deny
Voices bringing me to a hole so deep
They can end your pain please don't cry
The controlling disease of your mind
Not fast but slow, always taking their time
Such a dark night, crawling trying to find
A way through all the disturbing crime
Fallen from heaven with a broken heart
Decisions so hard you sigh like a dove
Wrong tuurns cause trouble and tear you apart
An explosive world without any love
In your dreams eternally screaming with fright
Waking up with all problems solved tonight
Rising from the dead with a scent like rotting garbage
Always a tad bit sideways limping on one leg
Trailing through a small town leaving a lot of carnage
For the taste of human brains you forever will beg
The grunts and growls escaping from your mouth are buzzing through my mind
I’m trying to figure out why you always create a crime
The decaying skin across your body sheds and falls behind
I don’t know why you fascinate me but to decipher that I’ll take my time
Scarlet red and dripping from your mouth
The blood drips down as if it’s from a faucet
Head cocked crooked like a sound came from the south
Dropping your hand you tell me just to toss it
As we walk your structure falls apart
Limbs falling like rain how can you not be in pain
You’ve just lost your foot and now I’m pushing you in a cart
Lying here beside you
on this dark warm night
There's nothing but the distance
Tearing me apart
You aint seen me, heard what I've done
Loving you was the best thing
Can't fool you with that
Highways came and I crashed
Fool I was crashed into you
Happy go lucky till I broke
I can't hide that
That you know
As a train departed
I missed all together
To late I was
Saying what I felt
So I say it now
Alone in the dark
Come gently, I feel you near
Sarrows in my voice
Can't keep it in anymore
Losing you is but a memory
The stories, the laughs
As if nothing happened
Thank you for your time
For the short life we loved
was a blessing in disguise
The time I knew you I wasted
What if I knew then what I know now
I wouldn't wanna relive it
All the pain I have to go through
Would kill me all over again
I love you and that would remain
came to far to sink now
so often you are who i think about
i dont do drugs and didnt go the drink route
u know me pen to paper and pour my ink out
im not lookin for sympathy or empathy
but u were such a good friend to me
they dont understand what its done to me mentally
because they dont understand how much u meant to me
instead of pain i remember our laughter
u made me feel like i feel like i matterd
u didnt laugh of my dreams of bein a rapper
u told me i could be like my idol marshall mathers
today is four years since u passed
i find the strenghth to carry on
memories give me the strenght to laugh
ill go the distance life is a marathon
when the suns shining i see your smile
when it rains i feel your tears
as much as i wish and pray
i have to accept your no longer here
i struggle to find love
to many trust issues
i think about u daily
im man enough to say i just miss you
you were my best friend
and you still are
because you send me a light
when my road is dark
Take me into your gospel lord
I am not muslim, Christian, Jew or any religion
I am universal
I believe that whatever takes up to the heavens
Is my savior
I am not dying
I am stuck in life
A terrible and harsh life
One of no meaning
One of forceful intent
One of medication
One of pills
One that doesn’t include me
Includes everyone else
Don’t stop me from writing please
It is all I have
I have lost everything
Suppressed are these tears,
Screaming in my head are voices ringing in my ears.
Feeling like this for over three years.
Your face it haunts my eyes
My heart is picked at with blades because of your lies.
My feelings rubbed raw fall one by one as each dies.
I rip at the chains around my wrists and ankles but fail
I still cry over your letters that i received in the mail
I want to hurt you ill describe it in detail.
First I will start
With razors dull as paper ill slice at your heart
You should run as far and fast as you can.. But your not that smart.
I'll look you in those satanic eyes piercing me with cold
Haven't you been told?
It isn't polite to stare, You think it makes you seem bold.
Ha
You are as little as my remorse for you
You stand 3 inches tall in front of my face boo
There isn't anything to change my hate for you, nothing you can do.
I was one big mess
with tears I cried
and blood in which I shed.
Just get away from me.
Let me be
Can't you see??
I want to be alone
My heart is stone.
If you proceed to dance around me ill snap every one of your bones...
one last hug
thats all i need
but i know that its to late
the hole is already dug
your entering it now
i still dont understand how
you were here a few days ago
but now i feel so low
a part of me is leaving with you
going six feet underground
ill see that part again
when my time comes around
just one last embrace
the warmth of you on my face
i need to know your still there
when i have feelings i cant bare
to know that you still love me
but however it cannot be
because i left it to late
one last hug that i can never get
i guess thats fate
i guess thats life
i guess thats death
I was your little girl
Mom was never around
You had to teach me things
That my moher should've done
Dad your are my hero
I love you
I miss you
I just wish
God would give us more time together
So I could have said goodbye
I'm sorry I was never the daugther you wanted me to be
you did your best to rasie me right
you tryed so hard to feed and clothed 5 kids
Dad you will always be in my heart I will never forget you.
I recovered haste
As I made way in a sepia wood
Far fatigued limbs
Taking me as far as fear could.
Winter held captive a brook
Bonded by white and gray
I had the desire for escape,
Yet an honesty to stay.
Could this be death, thought I,
Amongst this frozen nature?
Pausing again in the cold
That held me in unmoved stature.
Another damaging glance
For my conscience to alleviate
And I became an element
Of the black waters of fate.
And there, was my fragile life-
So oddly replaced.
No haven from my desperation,
No salvation of grace.
They said you passed away
Only time would say
Some think death caught you in your prime
I know you left in your own maker's time
You were a gentleman fine and clean
Words never found your tomgue slippery but wise and gleam
Quiet but not silent, calm but not sloppy
Like still waters My friend ran deep
You thought me with humility and gentleness
When a Maths so silly made me restless
You reassured me it was just a bump on the road
And putting my best it will be just anther victory story told
I plead to believe that you are and not gone
Though my heart is hollowed by you absence your memoties are as good
Until your leave you were my friend and brother
And I'll hold you so till you I find in forever
Got the phone call I knew was coming one day
to tell me she is so ill
pnemonia
eyes closed
shallow breath
my mother of 57 years
we've had our trials
mostly known to me because of her previous illness
her mind was on holiday
as she laughed at the person who hung out in the wall
whispering jokes that only she could understand
she had a good time
a good time
for one-
internal tears wash me clean inside
I am at work
and must function like I always do
despite the phone call I knew was coming one day
telling me
she may not last the night.
Got the phone call I knew was coming one day
to tell me she is so ill
pnemonia
eyes closed
shallow breath
my mother of 57 years
we've had our trials
mostly known to me because of her previous illness
her mind was on holiday
as she laughed at the person who hung out in the wall
whispering jokes that only she could understand
she had a good time
a good time
for one-
internal tears wash me clean inside
I am at work
and must function like I always do
despite the phone call I knew was coming one day
telling me
she may not last the night.
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