Best Washroom Poems
O, what a forgetful man!
He forgot the wallet
in the car.
He forgot the car keys
in the restaurant.
He forgot to pay for a meal
in the restaurant.
He forgot the name
of the restaurant he went to.
He forgot where he parked
his car.
He forgot his driving license
at his house.
He forgot his cell phone
in the restaurant’s washroom.
He forgot that today is his third
marriage anniversary.
O, what a forgetful man he is!
Contest: Humor Contest
Date of Entry: 6/8/2016
When I was young my mom, like most women, donned a hat when she went out.
Dad said it added to her beauty…of this I had no doubt.
My mom had a collection of hats she stored in boxes under her bed.
So many different kinds of bonnets that sat atop her head.
Moms of today are different they go out with their heads bare
but one thing they share with Moms of the past are the many hats they wear.
If we tried to count the hats they don...we couldn’t...they go on indefinitely
Perhaps one way to approach it...is alphabetically.
Moms are:
Accountants
Babysitters
Chauffeurs...they do what
Doctors and
Electricians do…they are
Farmers
Governors
Housekeepers, and
Ice cream makers too…they are
Janitors
Kitchen and
Laundry workers, and
Maids who clean the floor…they are
Nurses
Optometrists,
Painters
Quality control inspectors and furthermore they are
Receptionists
Seamstresses and
Teachers…they can
Upholster that sofa or that chair…they are
Valets
Washroom Attendants and
X-Ray technicians…ready anytime and anywhere…they are
Yard managers and every Mom I know is also a keeper of the
Zoo
That’s 26 different hats they wear…
26 different jobs that all Moms do.
Moms are the original and still the best multi-taskers the world has ever met.
In fact, I didn’t run out of hats for them...I ran out of alphabet!
I guess it’s a good thing each job doesn’t have a hat that sits atop Moms head
for there wouldn’t be enough room to store the boxes under their beds.
They are visionaries, they are cheerleaders, so much of our existence they adorn
yet they had no experience as a mother until the day when we were born.
Because it was at that miraculous moment, despite their fearfulness and qualms
when they smiled as they looked at us and realized……’I’m a Mom.’
For that is the hat that encompasses the rest...the hat we call motherhood
and I must admit, from where I stand
Moms…you make that hat look good.
So Moms, here’s to a wonderful Mother’s Day as this poem bids you all adieu
For all the many hats you wear…
our hats are off to you.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
B lindfolded he leads her down the hall,
A nticipation makes her start to giggle.
T here he lets her dress slide slipping to the floor,
H anding her a red rose he removes the blindfold.
F ascination shows in her excited face,
O ver the floor is a carpet of rose petals,
R ed candles have turned the washroom into a spa.
T he scent of perfumed water fills their senses,
W ater spills as he draws her into the tub.
O ne heart and one soul become one.
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
10.04.2014
Regina Riddles Contest: Romantic Acrostic
1st place win
POOP - TALE : for contest
No embarrassment , everyone poops
So relaxed is the feel after all 's out
No gold and riches can ever buy such feel
I am sure all will agree silently though!
We get that feel for free as nature calls
In body, poop factory is so well- fitted
Based on our lifestyle it is regulated
Frequency n' timing our habits decide
As far as we breathe , we have to poop
No matter where you are, who you are...
How many times daily varies with species and diet...
Bamboos and honey diet makes Panda bears poop,
more than a forty times in a single day !
In other species range follows bell shaped curve
A balanced input-output cycle continues..
Doctors diagnose ailments examining poop,
Sausage shape is ideal poop the doc opines..
Mothers of kids worry if they cry while they poop
Too much delay makes happy a trader in laxatives!
Night soil in fields have made a fertile land
Poop of cattle folk is a manure too good
Everyone poops and is so useful too...
Deadlines and work pressure,meetings with boss
Petty tussles with friends or your own spouse.
Ask for a break saying you need to poop
Instantly you are permitted and you may slide out
Enjoy this break behind washroom doors !!
No more shy business, everyone poops!
Engrossed in reading a suspense thriller,
Or watching the climax of a movie horror
As soon as poop siren raises alarm, you got to go!
Ultimate rule is please don't control
Happily you poop poop poop and flush out !
FOR CONTEST- EVERYONE POOPS
Sponsored by:Roy Jerden
Submitted by: Anulaxmi Nayak
Date: 9th August 2015
glossary:
Bell shaped curve: the normal distribution curve
which has values of all ranges and takes a bell-shape.
If you sit tight, and promise not to spite
I will tell you a story, when I was not in my glory
grade one, a new chapter
who knew my teacher would be a captor?
that’s right! I said it!
a washroom run, she did not permit
there I stood
as still as I could
but I couldn’t help wiggle, then jiggle, and out popped a nervous giggle
first I got a casual stare
not two seconds later, a frightening glare
Oh no! I thought
a quick exit I sought
I could feel the rush coming
my small feet started drumming
how could she be so cruel?
this has got to be against some rule!
and there it went
the warm stream I could not prevent
I could tell she was mad
but I had to go SO bad!
she pointed the way out
boy! Did she shout!
“go to the loo! You twitsy-poo”!
Oh. So you thought that was it?
why don’t you take another short sit
to the principals office I walked down
sporting a most shameful frown
she also looked unimpressed
thank goodness, I was wearing a dress
my underwear was wet but my clothes remained dry
if I had to wear lost and found clothes again, I surely would cry
I pictured Mrs. Marriotti as a belly dancer
while she called mom for dry underwear, but there was no answer
I was vexed, with what happened next
you’ll never believe me
the travesty that was caused by my pee
not only was I humiliated, and my new teacher I did annoy
but the underwear I had to wear for the day was made for a BOY!
Diana-Marie Bombardieri
January 30, 2012
CONTEST - Dr. Seuss is on the loose (G. Rix)
In a public washroom, can Kings ever be DEthroned?
When a cowboy moves to the city, is he DEranged?
Do photographers wishes sometimes DEvelop?
Are former famous models ever DEposed?
When a ship leave for the Caribbean, is it DEported?
Do lawyers sometimes sit on Defence?
When a man gets ready for bed, does he DEbrief?
If they drain the waterway around a castle, is it DEmoted?
When a male is castrated, is he DEmand?
When a scholar is sent back, is he DEgraded?
Can a lady of the streets ever be DElayed?
Do certain shampoos help you DEflect?
When a doctor withdraws a needle, is the patient DEjected?
Can a person survive without DEliver?
If you tear up an agreement, do you DEsign?
Can baseball player ever DEposition?
Ever seen a dog chasing DEtail?
If you lose your extra tire, do you DEspair?
Do manicurists sometimes DEfile
When a downpour stops, does it DEluge?
When a student leaves school, does he DEclassify?
Can someone's old clothing DEfray?
Does a coffin always contain a DElivered?
Can a movie star ever be DEfamed?
© Jack Ellison 2013
The speed of sound is directly related to
Your visit to the washroom when you need a poop
If visitors are near
Don't want them to hear
So you cough out loud when a blast is due
Feeling kinda cruddy, yup, that's the word
Too many fries, too many burgs
When will I learn I can't handle that stuff
Stomach rebels, starts causing a fuss
Once could eat nails and all kinds of gunk
Now I eat mush and ground up junk
My teeth are all gone, can't chew anymore
Things go down whole, my tummy gets sore
So such is the life of this senior type dude
Head for the washroom, each time I eat food
Food disappears like famous greased lightning
Or I sit there for hours, really quite frightening
Irregularity's my name, I'm Irreg for short
Hope an operation, I don't have to resort
An artificial esophagus transplanted in me
So I can go regular like it once used to be
Oh for the days when I could eat all that junk
Those days are gone, who woulda thunk
That one day I'd be eating my morning cereal
Laced with Metamucil or some such material!
© Jack Ellison 2012
my commode has been making noise
that my wife tried to fix it
only to make it worse
and now it started leaking too
by the time i saw it
the washroom was flooded
and i’m no plumber to fix it
neither am i an idiot to avoid it
so, i did with manly mettle, mettle with it
and tightened, at the end, the right nut
for both the noise, and the ooze to prevent
we did leave home thereafter
i, carrying a washroom in ooze
while my wife, walking in perfect poise
This is actually a true story. A long time ago when I use to live on a homestead, we had grown many turkey's. Sometimes they were better watch dogs than a dog. I was inside doing my house-cleaning chores; when all of a sudden the phone rang. the gas-meter man inside of his truck said, "Hey, lady can you come out and get your dang turkey off my truck." I went out laughing like he was stuck in some mud up to his neck.
Turkey On Truck
Out came two turkey's on top of truck
Scared the crap out of driver he stuck
Phoned me to come out
All I did was shout
All he had to do was honk ker pluck.
Poor man almost died by the look on his face, he was so scared I had to ask him if he had to use the washroom. All he said, next time I come here better have your turkey's caged up. Didn't say anything to that for if I did his face would have turned beet red again. So I just let it go. To this day I still laugh at the scared look on his face. Guess if one is not used to something like this, it could have a drastic frightening image left on their minds forever.
Written: Aug. 14, 2013
Yvonne De Carlosa
Strands of hairs on floors galore,
Papers and rags strewn over the tables,
Clothes on the sofa seats,hung on the chairs,
Cobwebs and spiders on the ceilings and walls,
Moldy food and vegetables in the kitchen,
Odors emanating from the washroom,
Cars dusty,air inside impure,
Courtyards and surroundings unkempt for days,
Garbage from the house dumped at the roadside,
Thrown on the drains, rills and rivers,
Perfumes and beauty products everywhere
The witch awaits her chance to ride her broom
On Hallow’s Eve she does so love to zoom
Dressed in her black cape and stunning costume
Her cat on the back they fly o’er the moon.
Witch prepares her brew for folk to consume
Made from dead rats, bats and bones from a tomb
She adds mouse droppings from around the room
And mixes in chopped up death cap mushroom.
She bottles cat pee called ‘Bridal Perfume’
Some labelled ‘Aftershave fit for a Groom’
Loved by brides and grooms for their honeymoon
Till the honeymoon ends and hope is strewn.
So off she goes on the fright night of doom
Joining with ghosts, ghouls and goblins of gloom
People come sniffing out the cauldrons fume
But trot off soon to the nearest washroom.
Midnight approaches and witch strides her broom
Speedily flying raising sonic boom
Disturbing the birds who wrongly assume
It’s morning and they start to shake their plume.
The man in the moon cannot stand the vroom
He hides his face and earth turns dark illume
Then witch makes her descent through the volume
Therefore normality should resume soon.
Halloween 2021
A very short memory, what was I trying to remember
This is getting serious, don't remember my gender
In the ladies washroom
They all screamed and fumed
Saw some sights but incapacitated I was rendered
Four and five decades ago a washerman
lived in my village named Fanne
handsome, amazing and funny.
Month of Falgun, month of joy
got more fun when Fanne put on
fancy costume to make life on.
Who can dare to say illiterate
When my hero walked straight
customer robes add his grace.
New passenger train always attract
The poor who never took a seat in bus
My ticketless hero started trip to go on.
What a trick! he used to get birth
English paper under black goggles
The poor left seat to his Honours.
Making curls of smoke proudly
Poor fellow passengers were
trying to give comfort hurriedly.
Pleasant journey came to an end
When he reached at platform
without ticket turned puzzled form.
Everyone was in line with ticket
to exit the platform But regret
Only my Fanne without ticket.
Standing T.C. seemed devil
Golden gate of heaven to
stop ticketless devil go into.
Almost all lights of life
were ready to turn off
But old ticket came as hope.
Fanne took it up as a chance
Hurriedly measured washroom distance
Where it got bath in man's pee.
Pinned it in long stick of broom
showering drops very funny,
So he held high it away from body.
Where is the ticket? asked T.C.
But brave looked him without words
like charming gentleman of world.
What the hell ! what the hell!
sounded hard again and again
like the horn of the train.
Accidently it dropped in my pee
As a gentleman I can't touch it
But you can enquire if you pleased.
(Imagine you r ticket checker in train
And decide he may go or stay at platform , if you read it than
Reply is must.)
Whenever I go to the washroom I find
It's one or the other, not usually combined
But when it does happen
People start clapping
Both frontsies and backsies mean the stars are aligned
© Jack Ellison 2015