Best Tongue In Cheek Poems

You shouldn’t ‘ve said that, bite your tongue
You said I look old, but you know I’m still young
If ever a wiz a wiz there is ??
I’ll bite my tongue and feel its fizz
You said I look fat, or something like that
and that I’m a tired,...

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'Twas the night before Christmas
On the village square.
Carolers were singing.
Everyone was there.

My daddy was a baritone
But his falsetto filled the air.
Mama shrunk his boxers;
They're not ready-to-wear.

He asked Santa for some new ones;
He didn't dare go bare.
So, on Christmas morning,
Santa left a spare.

Now daddy has a...

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Count it is ever wit as good :(                                     ...

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Tongue In Cheek

Who is that new upstart 
Yelling on my TV
Where is Archie Bunker?
Let things be like they used to be

And that pretty old woman,
Claiming to have the floor.
Why can’t I hear the news, or
Opinions of Eleanor.

Another channel there’s that old man,
With flailing arms and...

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I entered a contest the other day
Waited patiently for it to be judged
Oh drat - I’ve got yet another N/A
The ‘glowing comments’ I received were fudged!

So I thought I’d change my poetry style
To see if a new strategy would work...
ANOTHER N/A's added to my pile
Now...

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Very often write with my tongue in my cheek
Strange saying that is, but when I'm at my peak
My humour is best
Pound away on my chest
Like Tarzan, eat bananas and things that go, “eek!”...

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Rock- a- by Baby don’t say a word,
Mummy wants a gin and not you to be heard.
You have been a little pain all day
Its time you went to bed out of the way.
The gin is dry I would like some ice.
And don’t forget the lemon,...

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You sound like a fingernail
dragged over a blackboard.
Every word cast as blackmail
from a forked tongue in cheek.
Bathed in the vile, bile of diatribe,
masticated to be flung as dung expelled.
Your snarled words reek with 
the dissonant cadence of discordance.
As your eyes flicker
from side to side with...

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Tongue in cheek - Tongue-in-cheek describes an exaggerated facial gesture — pushing a cheek out with one's tongue — meant to convey contempt or irony. (defined by vocabulary.com)

Tongue in Cheek-The Grind

the grind, prefer dark;
shifting teeth do not agree -
the worst habit, under moon.

squeeze a tube...

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The morning I turned seventy-two
I met some flying grits
Thrown by my grandson, seventeen months
They glued in tiny bits!

He thought nothing of grits in his hair
Or smeared on window sill
He liked the squishing in his palm
I became a cleaning mill

Eagerly sharing from high chair tray
Feeding my...

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The (tongue In Cheek) Balm...
Of "permanent" Sleep

Abbott, nothing beats the
     immortal heavenly reincarnation
     after mortality odometer
     unexpectedly set to zeros
preparing deceased
     body, mind and spirit,
    ...

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It is the rudder of the ship in steering the entire vessel
In the compelling of each lip to be candid as they tell
As small as the tongue may be and so rarely is it ever seen
But you must also agree that it can often be...

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today a baby died
a girl was raped
a boy was shot
someone got divorced
someone lost their dog
a car broke down
a flower was trampled
someone broke their arm
it rained
it flooded
there was a fire
there was a tornado
someone was given a diagnosis
someone failed their test
someone lost their job
someone broke up
someone broke...

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There once was a girl named Sabine
The cutest one I’d ever seen
She had curly hair
And a teddy named Bear
And her bedroom was perfectly clean.

Sabine had a brother named Jude,
A generally radical dude,
Who liked to play games
And call Sabine names
Until Mommy said, “Stop being rude!”

Jude and...

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Oh, shed no tear for friendships last gasp.
When the fangs, finally show, a poisonous asp!

Run for your life, head for the highest hill.
The innocent acting asp, on your tail for a tasty kill.

Friends can be asps, don’t you know?
As deadly as frostbite on a frozen...

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