Best Take A Leak Poems

Wouldn't you rather~

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead heart, I'd never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
All synonyms say of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
Go ahead and...

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Bull Moose
I was sitting on a rock out near Cripple Creek
Panties at my ankles, I had to take a leak
He sauntered out beneath a tree
Stopped and simply looked at me
Old grey legs, a lengthy beard
Eight foot tall he had appeared
Shoulder, hump and head held high
Antlers...

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A tall stranger rode into Milton Creek
Ragged scar ran across one eye and cheek 
Mayor Tom drew his gun
"You best hightail and run!"
"Geeze! Okay! But first can I take a leak?"



April 28, 2023
Funny or Bawdy Limerick Contest 
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin...

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Each year in August the teams descend, cricket foe morphing quickly to friend,
Bonds are forged on a pitch unique, camped on the banks of Reedybrook creek. 
The grass is cut, the fields set out, the umpires shout, ‘Fair play gents, otherwise, you’re out!’
Of drinks consumed,...

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as not you with yarmulke
delivering yogurts past the age of curdle
what you asked from me a cuddle

as in a tent you phantom 
I'll be drooling for thank you
your mistake

as many tests show will be a park ranger
to deliver needles clean the life of certain
as a...

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Simon has been gone a long time 
Does he think we are playing hide and seek
I remember him saying 20 minutes ago 
He was going to take a leak.

I open up the bathroom door 
I can't believe what I see
Simon sitting on the bathroom floor
His...

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Just a few lines I hereby write to let you know
that I, in my entirety am still alive,
care I give, when with pen perceiving you so slow
the words upon these lines, just in time will arrive.
You will not know the house, when you come on...

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UNQUOTABLE QUOTES: XLVII - Tongue Twisters

If you want to « have » your cake and « eat » it at one and the same time, simple enough, just split it into two equal parts like an isosceles triangle into two right-angle triangles; then « eat...

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As I was washing the dishes last week
I looked outside my windowpane.
Snow-filled land and winter bleak,
I see a moose—how inane!
Thinking I must be going insane, 
Or perhaps something of a retard,
I asked many but the answer was the same
Please get the moose out of my...

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(This is a fictional poem)

My father-in-law is so old that his first friend was Barney Rubble.
When he comes to my house, he causes nothing but trouble.
I can hear him coming when I hear his old bones creak.
He pees all over himself every time he tries...

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Woke again too early night before, I had no sleep
Tired of all this drinking, I woke up to take a leak
Must have had a nightmare, I was high, up in the sky
but on the way back down again I found, the reason why

(Chorus)
Drinking late in...

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How to take a leak

Marcel felt quite an urge when he set out to purge understanding of how to when
we view misconceptions of who is taking the piss now never thereafter and then

A fountain trickling urinal porcelain pissoir on display impressed me no doubt in
treacherous...

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It’s almost 3:00 AM
and I’m still scrolling down my newsfeed
bored to death and moody
sick of laughing at the same jokes
unable 
to appreciate anything, everything sucks
too tired and too lazy, can’t do much
chat is off, not even in the mood to talk
already having conversations with songs
in...

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I was nursing a Metamusel Cocktail to keep me on the go,

When I fell asleep in my Lazy-Boy 'round nine o'clock or so.

'Round midnight my clock chimes 'wakened me with a start,

And stumbling over the cat in the dark, to the bathroom I did dart!

(Like...

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I woke up to the sun a-calling me
Got dressed and went outside to take a leak
No worries, folks are many miles from here
My neighbors are the squirrels and birds and deer

The early morning air was still and sweet
The sun seemed in no rush to clear...

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