Elis Artis Poet Rhyme

Owl's Hour

It’s almost 3:00 AM
and I’m still scrolling down my newsfeed
bored to death and moody
sick of laughing at the same jokes
unable 
to appreciate anything, everything sucks
too tired and too lazy, can’t do much
chat is off, not even in the mood to talk
already having conversations with songs
in times like this, food comes in handy
fries with cheese, pizza, cupcakes and candy
it wouldn’t hurt to get a drink
so I go to the fridge
sneaking so I don’t wake anyone up
a night owl’s life, it’s time for lunch
I sip on the way back
payback
now I have to take a leak
my stomach hurts, it’s making me
want to do it in the hallway
I run all the way
to the bathroom, kicking the door 
out of the blue I dropped my drink 
all shocked, I wish
I hadn’t
what I saw was too much
too graphic, I'm looking in disgust
I dropped on my knees
and started throwing up
the bathroom all full of blood
and buzzing flies, the floor all full of guts
flesh and remains of all my loved ones
with feces and hairballs everywhere
I pinch myself hoping it’s a nightmare
but they all hurt more than what I saw
in tears backing up slowly about to call the law
I bumped into something or someone
I hope it’s just the wall



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Iris E. Sankey- Lewis November 9, 2015 at 4:55 PM Wow. Such creativity and dare. Peace; and welcome to Poetry Soup.

Jan Allison November 9, 2015 at 1:56 PM Dropping back with my congrats at your win in the trashed #3 contest Elis:-) hugs Jan xx

Skat A November 9, 2015 at 11:14 AM Elis, Congratulations on your Trashed #3 win. SKAT Elis Artis November 9, 2015 at 11:40 AM Thank you so much, dear SKAT:)

Paul Callus November 5, 2015 at 2:49 PM Hi Elis! Once I slept on a full tummy and had indigestion during the night; it peaked on horrible dreams and nightmarish emotions. This write somehow reminds me of my bad experience! Your ending leaves the door ajar for further things to come! // paul Elis Artis November 5, 2015 at 6:22 PM That's exactly what happened to me! That's how I got inspired to write it:) Thank you so much for stopping by, dear Paul:) I appreciate that dearly

Jan Allison November 1, 2015 at 5:30 PM gosh what a graphic ending Elis - thankfully I dont get the munchies in the night :-) hugs jan xx Elis Artis November 3, 2015 at 7:18 AM Lol! That was my intention writing this, I wanted it to be like an urban legend about getting the munchies at night. I'm so glad it worked:) Thank you so much for stopping by

Carl Fraser October 28, 2015 at 4:51 PM Wow . Definately outta the box there my friend. Held my interest all the way. I know the night owl routine very well. Blessings. CARL Elis Artis October 28, 2015 at 6:31 PM Thank you so much! I really appreciate that:) But you should've stayed for the twist at the end, the whole piece just goes into a dark place. It's a Halloween poem

Andrea Dietrich October 27, 2015 at 4:06 PM oh my goodness, life as a nightmare. That got repulsive at the end. An interesting write! Elis Artis October 27, 2015 at 6:38 PM Thank you so much, dear Andrea:) I try to write from a really dark place and go as extreme and graphic as possible to get reactions out of people lol

Richard Lamoureux October 27, 2015 at 2:07 PM Much better! Elis Artis October 27, 2015 at 6:36 PM Thank you:)

Richard Lamoureux October 27, 2015 at 9:27 AM "I run all the way to the bathroom, kicking the door!" Go through the full piece and make everything happen now, not in the past. It will give the piece more life. Another example "I pinch myself" oops I forgot change sip to slip earlier in the poem. I'm glad you aren't taking this as a criticism, I wouldn't go to this trouble with a person who lacked talent. Elis Artis October 27, 2015 at 10:40 AM I made those changes too. I get inspired by music a lot so I got into the habit of not worrying about the tense, but I should focus on it from now on. Oh not at all! This is really helping me, like...A lot! Thank you so much dear Richard:) God bless you and keep you safe

Richard Lamoureux October 27, 2015 at 8:51 AM Concentrate a bit on tense, you switch from present to past. Example line "so I went to the fridge" small change "I go to the fridge" "Couldn't help but slip" change to "I slip" these are a few examples, I hope they help. By switching your narrative it messes with the flow of a really well told story. Elis Artis October 27, 2015 at 9:15 AM I knew something wasn't right while doing the final edits, thank you so much! Now I made the changes. Please feel free to point anything like this on my poems, it really helps me a lot. Thank you so much

Richard Lamoureux October 27, 2015 at 8:42 AM Disturbing piece, effectivly written. A bit dark for my personal taste but I still appreciate it is well done. Elis Artis October 27, 2015 at 9:12 AM Thank you so much! I tried to write something really dark, as dark as possible lol. Thank you for stopping by

Scott Thirtyseven October 27, 2015 at 7:19 AM Gosh this certainly goes some places. I agree with Silent, it's the random effect that keeps us on our toes. Well done.

Skat A October 26, 2015 at 4:35 PM Elis, I think you need some sleep. :) this is epic... SKAT Elis Artis October 26, 2015 at 5:40 PM Lol, I really do! I'd been pulling all-nighters the whole summer to write, I still feel like I need a lot of sleep. Thank you for stopping by!