Best Stooge Poems
visitin me aunty Cushla
For the first time in Ballybay
I found meself beside a signpost
An I stopped to find me way.
It was then I spied a little feller
Laid behind a bale of hay
He was prepared to help me
but wanted to know what I was prepared to pay.
Well I couldn't believe what I was hearin
He's a tight fisted scallywag
but he wouldn't listen to reason
and jangled the coins in his money bag.
Would ye do that to a feller Irishman ?
I hope yer marry a sour faced old hag
He said , Why do yer think I'm chargin yer
Shut yer gob an get out yer swag.
He rubbed his hands as I counted me money
Just like Ebenezer Scrooge
Gigglin like an hyena
With his cheeks the colour of rouge.
Twenty pieces of silver
I thought his price was huge
The guys a bloody comedian
an I am to be his stooge.
He stood up from behind the bale
An dressed in so many shades of green
With his funny hat and his little pipe
On his shillelagh he began to lean.
Now where was it yer said yer were goin
Ah Ballybay , Well to prove I'm not too mean
I'm gonna walk there with yer
Aren't I the most generous leprechaun yerv ever seen?
As we walked I told him about me aunty Cushla
an me bein on holiday fer two weeks
He handed me back me money
I'm so dumbfounded I can't speak
Ah to see a leprechaun yer must believe
He said,So yer must forgive me cheek
An its luvvly to see a young Irish lad
Who didn't treat me like a freak.
Well Shamus an me became buddies
Fer the duration of me stay
Downin pints an eatin colcannon
an dancin in the Irish way
He could really play a fiddle
An no more did I have to pay
I loved me visit to see aunty Cushla
On me first trip to Ballybay.
Slovenly sorrows cause a blur,
Shameful shallows seep and stir.
He whimpers; a cowering cur,
Deathbed's deals, give-take, now occur.
Soul dried, bunched ball of prickly burr
Waste-of-time tears, goad like a spur.
Apologies, are but a slur,
Regrets besmirch like rancid myrrh.
Slanderers’ stooge, no amateur,
Souls sold, Evil’s entrepreneur.
Atropos to cut; F A T E S concur
Time to let loose this saboteur!
“Burn in H E L L”, said the whisperer…
Susan Ashley
July 28, 2017
~ Third Place ~
Contest: Early August Standard
Sponsor: Brian Strand
Moments I feel weak
I work and work
Feel so busy it's hard to speak
Everywhere I turn
Feels like a block
I've got to do, no time for talk
But at the end of the day
There's an ache in my chest
There's so much time I was to invest
In better causes but this is where I'm left
Broke down by some stooge dressed in an Structure vest
I want to beat you so bad, I'll find a way
I don't give up that easy, just wont be today
There's room in this world for honest business
It's what my grandpa believed in,
That honorable feeling never goes out of season
I'll wake up one day
Walls will shatter like glass
I'll get up and everything will be in grasp
I'll have good workers that get paid well
Mothers can allow their kids out of their shell
They can raise them at home instead of a daycare
Way better than the present which sometimes is more than I can bear.
THE THREE STOOGES
With their lunatic style of slapstick
These old favourites made their mark
Bangs on head, eye pokes and **** kicks
Were transformed to works of art
But it's not of this trio I speak
Three more egregious, my aim
On these your attention I seek
They're REGRET, SHAME and BLAME
Undesirables of the emotions
With pretence that your life they will serve
If for living this life you've devotion
Treat them with the mistrust they deserve
.....................
SHAME - the one least deserving disdain
The one who gets head bashed and eyes poked
Only loons never feel guilty pain
Without wishing their sins be revoked
With no shame at our dastardly deed
We would surely be heartless and brazen
Not to wish to repent, fault concede
But don't drown in self immolation
.....................
REGRET is a stooge insidious
A crime with no victim but self
Curbing soul in a manner perfidious
Life on hold, and you on the shelf
Have a few, perhaps 'too few to mention'
You mis-spoke? Well by all means retract words
But avoid a total suspension
And don't spend your life looking backwards
.....................
Then BLAME, there's the killer, life dumbing
Though it may give relief and brief feel-good
To beat up some rat who had it coming
But move on! Don't espouse victimhood
The problem with indulging in blame
It makes another the cause, you effected
Paint yourself in a victim's frame
Can you then be source for life corrected?
13 May 2018
Doors within doors within doors within doors
just like some silly three stooge comedy.
Now I am standing on some Scottish moors,
Islamic Jihad is setting out tea.
It just never ends, and it never stops,
this insane babble just plays in my head.
Now this tower of inanity flops
from one subject to the next subject, dread
visions flow to joy, but now no nearer
to divine Godhead than to the blackheads on
my chin. Oh, I'd love to be the bearer
of glad tidings but nirvana's been down
on her luck lately and still needs a fix.
Getting past that third chakra's just a *****.
Ebenezer Scrooge
a miserly stooge
To him Christmas was just a humbug
Until three ghosts gave him a hug
Slipping gently towards entropy,
Ownership with an apostrophe.
Braid the loose frays of sanity
Till something true finally answers me.
Troops are marching over many lands,
Tagged cornflower blue--a worldwide brand.
Don't speak out or you will be banned,
Towers implode just as they've planned.
Constantine merged Rome's faiths to one
Keeping time and step with Pagans.
Moloch laughs at our dull compassion
While Illuminati goals corrupt conception.
With a punitive eye beneath the skin
Mankind’s been declared the pathogen.
So an age of ignorance was ushered in
With aims to squelch the soul within.
Rotating parties deflect shared shame
Allowing complacency to be blamed.
Splintered populations can be tamed,
And bombs tend to leave bodies maimed.
Thieves steel gold and filch the free press,
Bobble heads working to keep up stress,
Businessmen sponsoring all this mess.
"We've got some pills if you feel depressed..."
We inherently trust their authority
As they outlaw nutrients due to toxicity.
In an effort to organize bioactivity
They count on our enduring apathy.
We protest lies, so they've built some pens.
Peace simply means they'll take our weapons.
"So go buy a widescreen for your den
To watch us start your wars again."
Even the name Bilderberg is a joke.
As they like it they’ve managed to fleece us broke,
Locking humanity into the yoke.
They sold the world lies before they ever spoke.
Crypto-eugenics is a fatal threat,
Academia functioning as a stooge pet.
Look into those eyes; they've got no regret
To kill us all off like they're clearing a debt.
Global control would only serve them well,
Micro chipped souls have no secrets to sell.
Salivate each time you hear their bell
Or they'll call themselves gods chasing you through hell.
Our oppressive puppet liars, they will not quit,
So don't waste breath saying, 'I'll submit.'
Words of our liberty are just and legit,
And truthful self-rule is a righteous fit.
When bureaucrats state dissent is treachery
In truth they've already sold their loyalty,
They still threaten our sovereignty.
Reclaim our human right to be free!
Unquotable quotes – VI
(Note : A good many of the « epigrams » in this sequence of quotes are a take off on other well-known short poems, proverbs, sayings or expressions faites, etc . The rest are my own epigrams.)
All the world’s a stooge.
Paint the town red with blood.
Swing low, Sweet chariot ! Coming to carry me on throne !
Turn the other back for a slap on the back.
Can you turn your nose up while sitting on your high horse ?
Finders keepers, Minders weepers !
Black holes also suck white souls.
A bun in the womb is worth ten in the oven.
Cleanliness is next to Godzillaness.
Garbage cans are not rubbish bins.
What goes up must bring Heaven down.
We are all stinkers under the arms.
We are all sewers under bums.
We are all lovers under mums.
We are all beggars under alms.
We are all killers under arms.
We are all believers under psalms.
We are all thinkers under norms.
We are all schemers under qualms.
We are all bribers under palms.
We are all runners under bombs.
We are all rotters under worms.
We are all liars under gums.
We are all swimmers under foams.
We are soldiers under uniforms.
We are all writers under thumbs.
One need hardly fear the extinction of Life on earth through environmental or climatic catastrophe : inter-religious contention will get the job done well before-hand.
Cricketing jargon
« Style mahu kala tida-apa ! » (Doesn’t matter if you’re given out so long as you managed to play the right stroke !)
This « tongue-in-cheek remark » in Malay pidgin is often used in Malaysia-Singapore to describe those batsmen who surrender their wickets in style, i.e., batsmen who are sticklers to the art of playing textbook strokes irrespective of whether the ball is engaged by the bat or not.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016
As I pick through the cupboard and rattle each tin,
Was that a moist squeak? No, it couldn't have been.
Now I open the can as I'm preparing to savor,
the tortoise aroma and the four legged flavor.
Then I turn the can over and what's flying out?
" No! It can't be alive!": I start with a shout.
He's down in my soup, in his progeny's platter.
His beak might be sharp. My teeth start to chatter.
I turn for my spoon and prepare a good whack,
He pops up and spits his cold soup on my back.
I attempt to engage as I swirl through his space,
when he surfaces quick and spews goo in my face.
On and on, it played out with me banging and flailing.
I finally gave up on this squirt gun. I'm wailing!
Don't sneer or condemn me as one callow coward.
Didn't this happen once to a Stooge-Curley Howard?
New York, New York, the road in the fork
of the events, the places and folks who've buttered the pork
Like Rockefeller, Moynihan and Andrew Cuomo
Frank Sinatra, Louie Armstrong, John Lenon and Yoko Ono
Lenny Bernstein and Lenny Bruce
Cookie Monster, Rocky and Bullwinkle Moose
There's Radio City, Central Park and Carnegie Hall
Coney Island, Yankee Stadium -- Let's Play Ball!
The Brooklyn Bridge on the Hudson River
Lower East Side and the Village, for swingin' livers
Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and White Ford
Don't forget Casey Stengel and Yogi Berra -- Oh, my Lord!
Marilyn Monroe, Madonna and Phyllis Diller in curlers
Archie Bunker, the Meathead, Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller
Stooge-mania, West Side Story and Annie Hall
Kramden, Norton and the Honeymooners
You've seen or heard of 'em all
There's Madison Square Garden and the NY Philharmonic
The Times and Wall Street Journal -- news junkies tonics
Malcolm X, Dr. King, and Abe Saperstein
Julius Erving / Dr. J with a case of Afro-sheen
Baldies like Kojac and Yul Brynner, the King of Siam
Sam I Am, Son of Sam, Green Eggs and Ham
Harlem Globetrotters, the Apollo, Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Jay Leno, Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson, the great Jack Paar
There's Broadway, Times Square, Soho and Fifth Avenue
Isaac Stern, Pavoratti, Willie Nelson and Ray Charles singin' the blues ...
Make a list from the Statue of Liberty all the way up to Mars
~ You still might leave out a legacy of constellations and stars!
I am MacDougal's parrot, he taught me how to speak,
Whenever i repeat an obscene word, he chides, excuse your beak.
It happens when folk ask him, if i'm his cockatoo,
I'll fly into an awful rage, that's when the air turns blue.
He also has a butler, his name is Mister Ree,
Where the only time MacDougal talks, is sitting on his knee.
We are now entertainers, with unscripted repartee,
Where all our jokes backfire, upon the stooge, that's me.
I say, he says, let's holiday, i think i'll fly by air,
Then proffers me a bag of nuts, then says i'll meet you there.
But offstage we're the best of friends, together every day,
And listen to the radio, on stations where they play
The music from our favourite shows, where MacDougal's passions ballet,
While i am quite the opposite, for i'm more Tin Pan Alley.
We read the morning papers, and discuss the daily news,
Where we both agree to differ, and air our different views.
But slowly my suspicions grow, is there something i have missed,
Could MacDougal be a dummy, and Mister Ree his ventriloquist.
I would be disappointed, if it's reality,
Where MacDougal only could exist, with Ree's ability.
9/ 3/ 2018.
Villanelle: The Dilemma of the Non-Violent – 5
Kings Prophets alike the Democratic State
Do/can/may use force on people they enslave
And individual rights incriminate
Oppressed peoples’ rights remain inanimate
Until some Garibaldi wields the glaive
Kings Prophets alike the Democratic State
The art of government’s how to amputate
The will of the people own voice to save
And individual rights incriminate
The Administration’s the stooge incarnate
Festers in bosom the Secret Police knave
Kings Prophets alike the Democratic State
Who by Divine Right rule in the Police State
Muzzling media voice their power to save
And individual rights incriminate
Till all factions through coercion emulate
Tyrants who use violence and manic rave
Kings Prophets alike the Democratic State
Do individual rights incriminate
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2015
He scoffs at our joyful noise
The good spirits we invoke,
As he passes by with grim poise
Thinking this holiday is a joke
Still, we make the time brighter
We go about in a cheery stance,
Making lives a little lighter
While the years give us a chance
We sing a carol of Christmas
With wassail in our mug,
For you cannot stop us
You dear, olde humbug
We shall wish a Happy Holiday
To every miser, bum and stooge,
So, with all our might we say
Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge!
Date - 11/29/2022
Writing Challenge - Write A Christmas Poem - Poetry Contest
Sponsor - Constance La France
Bragg's just an ass, a poor leftist stooge
Bought for in full by the Soros machine,
Why target me when he knows he will lose
His obvious intentions malicious and mean.
As to that Stormy, a vixen indeed,
She's now named me ‘Tiny’ can't clearly be true,
Her one claim to fame fueled by greed
The day I first met her is the day I now rue.
But let them come on these little red ants,
For they fail to see that if their venom may sting
Their incredible ravings and irascible rants
Provide the real juice to make my fans sing.
In chorus the cry my name in support
The Trump flags unfurled throughout this great land,
Denouncing the wrongs of my reign cut so short,
Making it known where each of them stand.
I've said it before but I'll say it again,
They stole what was mine for the very last time,
But this go around I'll make it quite plain
Whatever they throw will fade just like slime.
They did it they really did it,
Can you believe it, can it be true;
My folks are angry, their passions lit
One voice united, this act the glue.
Little they know the hornets’ nest
They've now unleashed upon themselves,
They may well smirk at their cute start,
But I'm the ogre, they the elves.
To raid my home, a line now crossed
They truly think I'll cower in fear,
My cannons out, all fairness tossed,
I'll strike and torch all they hold dear.
Biden's a joke, a simple stooge,
A patsy by any other name,
This thing they did, I'll make it huge,
The best of gifts to fuel my fame.
A few more years to wait and scheme
To win it all and wipe their smirk,
Then watch the wokes just wail and scream,
As they observe our handy work.
Revenge is great, it drives my life
Cross me and watch for what comes next,
I can be sweet, just ask my wife
As to my foes such pain they won’t expect.