Best Smack Poems
*I've been called a 'shrew,' told I am self centered, petty, and a few other rather insulting and invective names, so here is my rebuke.
Who plays the straight man for the one known as 'Schmoe?'
It's the Jester who juggles where ever Schmoe tells him to go.
Then there's Mr. DoGoody who seeks the spotlight of fame,
reproaching PS poets by pointing his finger at them in shame.
Three fatuous figures who lie in wait for Poetry Soup blogs
Croaking like three pompous bullfrogs in criticizing dialogues
Verbal abusers, slanderer of a nation, and he who prances
hoping to give Schmoe, his bro, the stage... the lackey dances.
It's a tragic case of fools rushing in where wiser men never go
A disease suffered by the egos of DoGoody, Jester, and Schmoe
A threesome pretending they're Red Barons in control of awacs
but they're just three old wacky muggins, Poetry Soup Quacks.
Ask a question and see what nonsense they will spew at you
Swearing their intent is righteous, and their cause is true blue,
but the more they protest, the deeper the holes they are digging.
A misguided clique always zagging when they should be zigging.
So if you bother to read what they write, just consider this...
the underlying meaning to their dribble shows what's amiss.
It's a game they play...one where they often make mistakes
Nuts have to be added to the batter while making a fruitcake
Now if you're thinking I'm just as guilty for some name calling,
I'm ready to be under attack with their whining and squalling.
I've already been accused by DoGoody of talking behind his back...
So here I am, you're all unblocked if you want to talk more smack.
A besmitten, besotted young miss
was beguiled by the man of her sis
though betwixt and between
will her lust cause a scene?
She cared not, and blew him a big kiss!
Postcards of a ghetto life,
facts of being black
It's a common assumption in the hood
that you know how to talk smack
Lay the whip of indignation
smack dab on a hater's back
Twist the insult in deeper,
than give the whip another crack
If somebody tries to low rate you,
even try to talk about your family too
Well, in that case,
you gotta do what you gotta do
Take 'em out back to the verbal woodshed,
and teach them a thing or two
When you're talking smack,
you gotta be witty, you gotta be cool
Talking smack is an art form
that you don't learn in no charm school
Listen up, kids: talking smack don't have no rules
Nobody's off limit,
no one is too good that they can't be put down
Points are awarded
when you turn a smug smile into a frown
The best smack talkers got class,
that's just the way it's always been
They leave a door open, a dignified way out ...
so an enemy could one day be a friend
But don't get beside yourself,
and get to talking trash
Making me
have to smack talk you around again
Tell me you comprehend
Don't press that button
that'll make me go lingo loco
Please don't press send
Ya know baby you're usually right
Center cut, intherace, that's your place
On target, red carpet, gotomarket
Hittin' the bull's eye, 'n baby, I'm your guy
Smack-Dab babe
Like the Nile, you flow the right way
Like Carlyle, know what ta say
With you, I'm okay
If ever I'm off and stray
Grab meaway, gimme a jab
Baby, that's Smack-Dab
You're like Ophelia, Antonin Scailia, multimedia, memorabilia
Honey, you're KarmannGhia! Oh, callmea cab
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
You're Lash La Rue, Peggy Sue, Scooby Doo, Mister Magoo
Honey, You're Super Glue! Wow! Back to the lab
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
You're so sure
We're at that stage, we needa sage
Honey, you're the rage!
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
You're like Al Gore, Dorothy Lamour, Dinah Shore, Za Za Gabor
Honey, you're no bore! Ain't never drab
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
You're so fab
Fit as a fiddle, Nelson Riddle, heat upthe griddle
Honey, you're in the middle!
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
You're Buster Crabbe, Colin McNab, take a stab, my bar tab
Honey, you're my rehab! Ah, the gift a gab
Baby, you're Smack-Dab
While it's true only you I adore
I really oughtta tell you more
Baby, Imma big time loser, a simple fleck
Honey, you're a sure winner, a stacked deck
You're my Madonna, only one I wanna
Someday you'll get rings 'n things
For now your praises, it's me who sings
I'd rope a Picasso with my trusty lasso
Ya know I'd buyeth, if I saw a good Wyeth
Honey, you're the latest 'n the greatest
Baby, that's Smack-Dab
I speak of cash crops, refined
apothecary powders (staples really) bought to
sate, to feed the scarred artery and the
diseased mind, the lover and the slave.
I speak of madness.
What kind of gobbledegulp,
holiday mess,
are you stuffing down your jaw giblets —
one day early ...
you human turkey
Cubicle farm-raised patsy policies
is what your top executive, tinfoil hat fool handlers
are serving you
lower oven rack pooping ninnies
Conspiracy stew —
Genetically modified organism mush squalls
are swimming thru
that grey matter inner tube drain,
you red meat clucky cheeks call a brain
Corporate pecking order is on the
menu packaging downsize
Gobble Raiders of the hallowed profit
sweet yam takeover Arc,
have split pea parceled your succulent
office promotion wish bone
Cooking the books ... green bean stringing
you dumb dinner table birds along
Cellular talk to the boss HR department chick,
if you don’t buttery believe little ol’ poultry me
Now don’t go getting cutlery stir crazy,
put that carving knife down, celery baste boy ...
Are you rooster gone out of your rotisserie mind?!
Coming at me with those carnivore eyes,
watch yourself, now
I heard thru the henpeck grapevine,
that it’s your neck on the chopping block
in two days merger time
Sho’ nuff on Black Friday,
it’s gobble dupe you
that gonna be
in the return merchandise soup line
Now ain’t that some bad Scroogie news ...
holiday tummy ache blues
It’s enough to make a cool, jive turkey like me
start dressing up fo’
yo’ pink slip fowl roast early retirement party
Recently I got tired of being a puppet on a string.
I’m not sure why,
but I woke up,
and then it all made sense.
Until that point, I’d spent my life deep in mind’s pretense.
I found my heart,
I dove straight in,
and much to my surprise,
I landed smack dab in the center of spirit’s loving eyes.
Smack crackle pop The fire was throwing herself
She would smoulder occasionally into grey
Then revive herself with orange flame shoots,
delighting me and the other kids.
These kids were pretty much strangers to me.
I was re-thinking my decision
to tag along with my cousins, who were wearing
unusual faces in the shadows of the fire.
A loud popping sound came from behind. "Was that a gun?"
Some of us laughed nervously. Probably a deer walking in the woods,
A camp counselor suggested. Sure....
The tents were starting to look maniacally mean
Same time next year?
My cousin whispered into my ear. I sat mesmerized,
staring at the campsite that always brings me home.
Of course! I whispered back. This was only my thirteenth
year at Lake Red Haw. Why would I change any of this?
An owl hooted a friendly hello.
And I smiled.
Knowing I would take this memory to heaven.
A SMACK
copyright: r.k.chakrabarty
08 Nov, 2014
A smack
I shivered
Moon eclipsed
Mr. Bernie Sanders is talking smack
C'mon! The geezer just had a heart attack!
He's 78 years old, campaigning for a socialist revolution
Proof that presidential politics doesn't obey the laws of evolution
It's a big pile of crap
When your talking all your smack
About the way others live
Here's some advice I will give
I would rather be a prude
Than loud, obnoxious and rude
Making others always think
They are no good and just stink
Is it really fun for you
Making others sad and blue
Just so you can entertain
Yourself causing others pain
For no reason other than
You will never understand
The hurt you are bringing others
This harsh cruelty always smothers
Happiness and joy inside
Everyone that you have tried
To break with your words of stone
Never leaving them alone
There's new victims every day
That you always find and slay
Trails of spirits you've broken
Are lined up like shattered tokens
That you step on once again
Your reign of terror never ends
Until everyone you burn
Will just snap and meanly turn
On you with hostile emotions
That cause quite a huge commotion
Knocking that chip off your shoulder
As this crowd is getting bolder
With each curse that's being said
That is filling up your head
And punches are being thrown
While the pains making you groan
Realizing you were wrong
Bullying for far too long
The crowd finally finishes
Your brutality diminishes
Slowly more and more you reach
Deep inside until you teach
Yourself how to be polite
Now you are such a delight
Too bad it took more violence
To complete an end to this
That needed to stop before
The hatred down in your core
Took control and escalated
You never anticipated
All these years of acting out
Would make you turn all around
When you got a big taste of
Hate and anger with no love
Mosquito smack,
mosquito slap.
Have some of that,
Naw man that's nasty,
Mosquito smack,
mosquito slap.
Catch Ya, when I'm back,
Yeah, man it's time.
I need calamine,
On my crack.
Heat hammered eyelids
Heavy in the pounding sun
Falling stinging closed
I Wanna Smack the Orangina Couple
It's a pity, since I like the drink,
But I hate the couple in their ad;
They've been to the Riviera,
Never had kids and don't want 'em,
You can feel it in their voices.
If they did, they couldn't go there, then brag about it
With all that false sophistication, that fatuity;
This much I could stand - just barely -
But worse; they talk into and over one another
Like the other one's not even there, until it all becomes
One smooth babble of arrogant emptiness
Grinding like a small rock stuck in a groove in your skin:
So there it is. Though the "Orangina Couple" are mere fantasy,
Every time they come on, - I can't help it -
I just wanna reach out 'n smack 'em
Pound Return SpaCE CAPS LOCK
Rapidfire staccato from the keyboard
Smack whrrrr
Jack strrrr
Click, pitter, save