Best Slapped Poems

I’ve been told, I deserve so much,
for the work I've done, for the lives I touch.

I would like to say, my dear friend,
what I deserve,...

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They whipped Him
And stripped Him
They tried Him
Crucified Him
They nailed Him
Strength failed Him
They mocked Him
Hurt rocked Him
God forsook Him
Pain shook Him
They hit Him
Spit on Him
They pierced...

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My mother was your average country mom
She wasn't gorgeous. Some might call her "plain"
But had the patience to diffuse a bomb
Her eyes grew narrow, when...

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I crossed my legs but there was a flood
Blushing red I hope folks understood
But my waters had burst
And the baby's my first
Guess I'm ready to...

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The moon was neither full, nor was it not
She shone down radiant lighting the misty ole night
The waves lapped the shore
As a gentle breeze streaked...

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I bought a box of truth from a peddler down the street,
even though he told me its veracity might sting.
I handed him a stack of...

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My bestie blind dated big Humpty
His hairstyle resembled Don Trumpty
He was constantly rude
Foul mouthed and so crude
No wonder she soon ditched the numpty!

10/15/18


Your bestie's blind...

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A once pretty, teenage girl, heavily pregnant
Stood in the rain,
Her clothes torn, her eyes red, her ankles
Swollen, she was in pain.
She often stood on the...

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I smoked a pack of Marlboros 
Every day, left butts smoldering
In dirty, smelly ashtrays
The nicotine addiction compelled 
Me to quit… yet, I did not
I smoked...

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(This is a fictional poem)

When I kissed another girl, word got back to you.
You slapped my face and told me that we're through.
Most kisses taste...

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She climbed the liquid staircase
just to gaze at gleaming stars;
all she wanted was a wee one
to light up her fair boudoir.

A thousand times she spied...

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Do you dare to hear this story,
listen to the rant of a cuckold tale
This story will give you nightmares
if your masculinity has begun to fail

Despondent...

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I pinched my coworker on St. Patrick's day for not wearing green.
I thought it was funny but she thought it was obscene.
She charged me with...

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Hell breaks loose through the trusting door
Whining its splintering, wooden hinges
Claws wrapping onto the arches beyond
Gnarled feet pressed on the threshold
Lower limbs jingling with sparky...

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This was accidentally written as a comment to my buddy, Line.
Yes, THAT Line.
The famous Line.
The one who wins all the contests, and 
we all love...

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