Shut Up It Is a Secret
This was accidentally written as a comment to my buddy, Line.
Yes, THAT Line.
The famous Line.
The one who wins all the contests, and
we all love Line, anyway, I do.
And it's her birthday month!
Come on, Muse.
STICK to the subject.
You know it's bad for us
if they know what we know
we don't want them to KNOW!
Picture this:
2008.
May 31st, weekend.
I know because it was MY
birthday weekend.
I talked my pal, Sheila Kay
into spending the weekend
in Des Moines, Iowa,
going hither and yon to
every estate sale, antique
mall, garage sale, and tent
show set up by people selling
whatevers. Heck yes!
If there is anyone who will
run all over the world to purchase
a what-the-hell-is-this or a whatever
it is me.
My pal Sheila Kay would die
if I told you, so tell away I will do.
Sheila Kay, my BOSS at school,
a PRINCIPAL, of the kids, but not me.
Actually, she was one of
the best principals I have ever
seen because when a child
did something they could run to
me and hide in my clothes.
Or they could be hunted down
by Sheila Kay, and be lambasted,
whereby their colors and paints
and glitters were slapped out
of their hands, and they lost
their happy ha-ha faces too as
they did not get to play in
the office all day as a happy
reward for BAD behavior toward
their teacher, their class, or
their God, which is what the
last principal, Limbity Crimpity encouraged
them to do. Which confused all of us.
I needed a SHUT UP and DO THE
RIGHT THING principal for the kids,
because I don't have any of those
qualities, right, Sheila K?
So we worked WELL together
and became BESTies.
And it worked well with a
We're-going-to-do-things-MY-way
principal at our school, because
believe it or not,
some of the children needed
a little discipline. Not my favorites,
the ones hiding out in the lockers
with me, or hiding in
my clothes, but some
of the others.
Damn you, Muse.
I hate you sometimes!
Can we please stay on track here?
The best part of working with
Sheila K, is that she totally
knew me, and knew if I
stayed up all night I should
either not come to school or
be sent home.
So here are Sheila K and I,
loud and proud, snatching Hawaiian
shirts out of wrinkly spotted old people's hands,
in West Des Moines, Iowa.
Which is WAY more uppity than
Drake University Des Moines
Iowa or Beaverdale Des Moines
Iowa.
Come on, Muse. I have stopped
being nice now. To make the story
APPROPRIATELY SHORT, we were
kicked out of prissy West Des
Moines, Iowa. We sneaked
back in though.
Three years later, we made a
different garage sale circuit,
another town, another state,
and a woman came running out
and grabbed Sheila Kay up in
a bold, smothering little
I-really-like-you bear hug.
Then the woman, a stranger,
said, "I remember you TWO."
We did not remember her at
first, then we realized she was
one of 17 women I had latched onto during
a garage sale moment, one of the
many who had said, "I wish I could spend
the whole day with you!" I remember urging
her to close up and come, until I saw
Sheila Kay''s Let's-Not-Do-That face.
This remembering lady had moved houses,
and states, and yet here we were, the big bad 3 of us,
once again. So, of course, I suggested a slumber party!
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