Best Shenanigans Poems
Pumpkin Patch Shenanigans
Puff white cotton candy, royal blue sky
Autumns breathe over a breadth of meadow lie
Tillage field vines pumpkins that catch a bird’s-eye
Grandpa and black bird grand-kids are back in a flyby
Causing havoc with their big pumpkin patch shenanigans
Fearless Scarecrow having an epic heyday and merry-go-round in the congregation
Stands terrifying and saying goodbye to all that flyby in jubilations
10/14/2015
Contest : The Doesn't Fit Contest
Sponsored by: Carol Eastman
There was an old lawyer named Ruth
Who didn't mind bending the truth.
No scoundrel too bad,
If money he had.
He'd have pled self defense for Wilkes Booth.
For Carolyn's
lawyer limerick Tied for no. 1
A clatter in the backyard
loudly drew my attention.
Curious to witness the commotion,
I rushed to look out my patio door
and saw a scurry of impish squirrels.
I'd hung a new bird feeder,
tauntingly just out of reach,
and they were determined to conquer it.
Intrigued by their lively shenanigans,
I sat in a chair and started to watch.
Failing to gain a foothold,
they began using their wits.
I laughed at their nimble, clever antics,
as they improvised alternative ways
to ultimately claim their just reward.
One kept leaping off the roof,
yet it would always fall short.
But failure could never halt their mission,
and sure enough, one tried it from a tree,
landing smack on the feeder with a thump.
And they both came crashing down;
backyard squirrels are tenacious.
~Black Friday~
With the turkey out of the way
It's time to do some shop and save
Black Friday...here we go again
I am up at three o'clock
So I'll be at the door on the dot
Shopping like a mad whirlwind
Pulling up to Walmart
Grab myself a fresh shopping cart
For when the doors open up at five
Like a horse out of the gate
Your own fault for being in my way
Just count your blessings that youre still alive
Beat the crowds straight to the back
For a little snatch and grab
Gotta have the newest wide screen T.V.
Blue hair had my T.V. in her cart
Took her out with a karate chop
Sorry granny it's either you or me
Next set my sights on this kid
With no clue of what he did
Or how he ended splayed out on the floor
In the remote car shopping isle
And it may take that kid awhile
To remember who, what, when, or what for
I next wildly veer off to the right
For that set of Ginsu knives
That I use to hold back the forming crowd
With it being the only set left
I Samurai it over my head
Which quickly clears out the entire Ginsu isle
With my shopping about done
I sweep shelves into my cart on the run
Figure I can sort it all out later
At times it's hard to pick and choose
With the attitude of I hate to lose
Anyways I figure they owe me for all my labor
When I get to the front of the store
There's bookoo bunches of crowds galore
I've never seen such a long drawn out line
So I clear the path in front of me
Taking people off at the knees
They'll surely think twice the next time
Before getting in my way
And my day of shop and save
Already planning for next year my friend
Satisfied I head for the door
But I tell you not before
I turn and say Happy Holidays and Good Will Towards Men!
Cause that's just the way I am...
only by a fluke did I manage
to worm winning trust
among Christmas elves and reindeer
confident this generic guy,
would never breach scandalous
tidbits, into a an underground impregnable
air-raid shelter, the motley crue
tied blindfold over my eyes, didst steer
me hermetically sealed
sound (cloud) proof bunker
while ensconced (security detail munchkins,
who just so happened tubby *****
minded entrance portal)
only after getting the thumb up signal,
whereat nose pies planted
espionage surveillance devices
the chief head honcho and attendents,
Smoky and the bandits respectively,
magically, andhandily did ap pear
and despite one hundred percent bug free,
a whispered stance opted just to make sure
no unwanted eavesdropper could overhear
plus every participant swore an oath, cuz
any leaked real or “FAKE” information,
would spell imminent demise to be near
the upshot, sans grave emergency
d escribingclandestine arraignment
involving some rogue elf
(most likely at least two),
and a misbehaving reindeer
(names withheld to avoid any spoiler alert,
plus this entire kit and caboodle
necessary to help Saint Nick
got wind, (and subsequently reined in)
a rave party with orgiastic
sex, drugs and rock and roll
that a band aided elf(ves)
laced with Pepper Minstix
(anonymously hashtagged Sodom and Gomorrah)
sullied pure as the driven snow repute,
when alias Sugarplum Mary (“FAKE NAME”)
detected snorting cocaine
code named Alabaster Snowball,
while additionally
besmirching her virginity
via coital cavorting
amidst a Bushy Evergreen
shaking as if frenzied
with feverish boogie woogie flu
which seductive, prurient,
and master baiter friend zeed
(spunky gangnum style) Shinny Upatree
which could slay Wunorse Openslae reputation
as substance abusers,
and sex offenders if not worse.
Summer Shenanigans
Pickpocket poor boy
summer days working the crowds
not that poor right now
05/21/16
Late Night Shenanigans
Tattoo
Undo
Let's Keep Footling Around - Poetry Contest
19 Aug 2014
Sitting on a hill with the sun in our eyes,
Blinded by the light, but no one really minds.
Enveloped in music,
Caressed by the grass,
Dreaming of our futures,
Reminiscing in our past.
One kid saw a cloud shift into a dog,
As we lay out on our backs,
A pink sky fades to black.
The fire spits a shower of ash,
But it looks pretty in the dark.
A rain of embers,
A burst of sparks.
We chant and sing together,
To each other, and the sky,
Using melodies and harmonies,
To warm us from the night.
We all start to shiver,
And the fire slowly dies.
My spirit flies,
My heart sighs-,
And I float downriver.
A new day can come,
Yesterday can leave,
But I won't grieve.
I've learned to live and love,
Laugh, smile and grow,
The memories are enough,
To fuel the desire for a tomorrow.
But frankly those nights,
My crowd and those guitars,
Are my happiest moments,
As we unravel by the flames,
Until morning's light,
I'm content.
here becomes there if one adds a T
and where when one adds a W
and zher, which is ‘here’ in Mandarin
if one removes an E and adds a Z
which rhymes with V
though some pronounce it Zed
which rhymes with Ted
which brings us back to T
almost nothing rhymes with W
but I really want to do U
and make S rhyme with X
and you know Y.
12/18/2020 - updated 1/1/2021
I don got nothing but terrible
reviews bruited about
dip pressing field day
me (Lothario wannabe)
trumpeted execrable lout,
a garden variety baby
boomer father without doubt,
his own shameful paternal
shenanigans cavalierly he did flout
dwarfed teapot dome scandal,
thus one look no further,
or send out a scout
herewith infractions distilled,
though personally, I strongly advise
ye to go trout
fishing in America,
with a master bait
tour and/or subsist
on circa 1521 a.d. vintage date
diet of worms, well preserved
nearly five centuries
since team did excavate
cuz his narcissistic
propensity, brought fate
fool downfall wool find you
fist pumping imaginary pugilist great
reflexively recoil, at the ingrate
asper adultery, terrible
black barbs caused psyche dial late
bacchanalian debauchery,
marriage did mutilate
philandering prurient lechery,
et cetera (albeit kinky),
he did participate
heatedly enough to generate
electricity to induce perms
in every man, woman,
and child, or make poker straight
tightly coiled locks, whose weight,
sans comb bind
terms oven destined
with hot sizzling endeavor to find
my inner Elvis a vis with curled lip,
and daily pelvic grind
tryst ting mounting with hind
quarters sighting derriere
rearing to groove while inclined
at a sixty nine degree angle hull lined
for maximum fair moan to get mined
licentious behavior spurred from celibate
marriage, hence call of the wild pined
tubby satiated, and
subsequently huss signed,
thus within web of treachery
"FAKE" Casanova did wind
up gaining independence as
a Norwegian bachelor farmer.
Shenanigans
A friend’s best laughter!
Shenanigans and tricks
End monotony.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
1/ 5/ 2008
After all these many carnivore years
You can call it guilt or you can call it fear
I've made up my mind to decide
I'm going vegan this November time
So I broke down hard and read some books
Heard some tapes on what it took
From veggies steamed to veggies raw
From beans of green to yellow squash
As my nightly dreams were all filled with meat
I pushed back hard with collard greens
But still had no clue of what to do
With a turkey substitute
And that is when a friend came in
Who Tofu's the line at turkey time
So I read more books and heard more tapes
On Tofu fried, boiled, broiled, and baked
Opening up my kitchen to fine cuisine
Minus the best part...that being meat
As I promised myself I can make this work
My Tofurkey would be the finest in edible art
I had bought my Tofu by the pound
Lucky for me it is pliable
As I stretched and pulled and pulled and stretched
Until I had something that looked like a head
With my artistic abilities seriously in doubt
I'm pretty sure what I conjured was the head of a cow
So I pulled and stretched and stretched and pulled
No ones going to call me an abstract fool
As I bring to boil the "Rodin" juices in me
And baste at my skills repeatedly
Where I come up with a turkey, giblets and all
And just for good measure I gobble a turkey call
Of course cooking the thing is another road and
I sadly lost Tofurkey 1, 2, and 3 in the explosion
When 4 hit the score I invited my friends
Whose friendship with them will take time to mend
Just because a turkey looks like a turkey, don't mean that it is
I'm now learning all this while I clean up the mess
As forks went to the mouths at the very same time
So did the retching along with the crying
But in a month they'll forget this entire sordid ordeal
When they get the invites for my Christmas holiday meal
With my time in the books and tapes I will spend
Looking forward to Christmas and a delicious soy bean ham
*This is a repost of a repost I once posted... all in good fun!
Political Shenanigans
By Franklin Price
11/2/2015
Political shenanigans
Will finger pointing ever end
Not until the one who's pointing
Has no reason to defend
Whether verbally or visually
If finger pointing comes your way
It's either profit or distraction
That they hope will make their day
The candidates and media
Self-absorbed and ego pent
Whatever suits their fancy
However twisted and/or bent
Nothing is protected
Whether it was done or not
If you are involved with politics
A pig in mud is what you've got
I'm sure that there are honest ones
Who begin with open eyes
They've come to clean up politics
At least the parts we all despise
So they run and are elected
Our best interest in their heart
Most soon are trying out the mud
Sling a little do their part
Then wonder how they got there
Lied and cheated just a bit
The establishment pulled me right in
I tried to fight but had to fit
If I am reelected
So much better I will do
I promise I will straighten out
And be there just for you
How is it my fault that I took a leap of faith
Like any naive girl in townships looking for good life
I mixed with wrong people who promised me soft life in Dubai
Excitement journeyed my mind to things I can buy
Little did I know I was sold a lie
Girls are labeled slay queens to hide richman's shenanigans
No one questions them how do they lure young girls into sex slaves
I was just a young girl hoping for a better future
I bought into the lie and paid a hefty price
I found myself high and hopeless
Obedience was the only way to break free from their clutches
You've seen videos for Dubai trapped girls
Nothing is demeaning than eating feces
I have no dignity left except hope that you'll understand
Love is kind
Love is understanding
Love believe all things
My only hope is that our society live past through my ordeal
I did not leave in my own accord
The bait was too deep to spit it out
If I had a return ticket I was going to comeback home running
I had one way ticket to hell
I took to social media out of desperation
I thought my story will benefit the nation
So I said let me make this donation
Sacrifice my life to save just one life if I did not make it out alive in Dubai
I hope my honesty did not blacklist me from being loved
I'm not asking for sympathy but your understanding
Human trafficking is not anyones fault but a Richman shenanigans.
I hope one day you I will forgive myself and live a normal life again.
Please forgive me for failing to see past their lies
I hope we still have a chance to start where we left it off
We had a good thing going
I'll understand if our path never cross again
We were both victims of Richman shenanigans
Shenanigans and poppycock -
the wild wood with unrest.
Will amazon deliver the chest
of acorns and walnuts before Winter sets?
On their “I” phones, those with bushy tails
don’t want to work for nibbles. Kips,
after a long, long, long day of texting,
waiting, shopping. Others hoard or steal
those treasure troves from every tree.
Collectibles, particularly nasty -
why would a little squirrel want a Barbie,
when a grownup can buy out and store
each box, in perfect shape, for a decade?
“Play with your phone, little kitten.”
Shenanigans and poppycock,
finger-licking goodness of ‘rents,
loving the kits with abominable gifts.
11/15/2022
Contest: THE CRAP SHOOT #2
Sponsor: John Lawless