Best Pissing Poems
trickle down economy
pissing away
the poor
pissing off
the middle class
as less and less
our paychecks
pay the bills
ironic how
when I was
still in diapers
the rich got taxed
a whole lot more
and yet
Prosperity -
along with rock and roll -
was King
Now it’s all about
protecting those
whose money
no one sees
as it sits
in nice safe havens
Make a war -
no money to
sustain it
Let the wealth
come
down
TRICK-TRICK
TRICK ling
down to
you and me
T
R
I
C
K
l
i
n
g
.
For Brendan J. Simon's 'Societal Discontent' contest
the ocean's my play ground
and pretty days there I be found
I come from the land of pirates and drug runners
but now days I thinks fishin is funner
6 days off shore, my vision a tunnel
while all me mates puke on the gunnel
I cackle and gives the boyz a nod
and holdz tightly to me'z fishin rod
I'z drinkin me'z rum and tea
but then I reel-I'z I need'z to pee
I move a boy'z head, and puts da rod on the gunnel
and unzipps me center pocket for the bladder funnel
so while I was holdin the dong
I see'z "I got a fish on!"
oh how it gave me'z the joys
I caught that fish while pissin on dim boys
by Capt. Mike
ps I glad that fish didn't bite me other pole!
Battle Rap
...poet in da house...
Now have a listen, for I’ll be a kissing…I’m on a mission
And you’ll be a pissing your hemolysin…a smelly emission
My words glisten worth the admission…full of ammunition
You’re under submission a life in prison…meet the mortician
Like a magician I’ll take over your vision…call your optician
You’ll be wishing you had a cosmetician…here’s my aesthetician
~~~
Like Mohamed Ali sting you like a bee…crush you like a flea
You’ll sing like a banshee on a screaming spree…cause I’m beastly
Like Mike Tyson run you like a bison…your blood I’ll syphon
Can’t handle my slicing with every word I ripen…I’m the word titan
Like Frank Sinatra and his mafia from Italia…will give you insomnia
In my euphoria and with your apaxia…you’ll be living with anoxia
~~~
You’re an agitator I’m a decorator…a word builder an innovator
I’m a verse creator a rebuilder renovator…a word generator
I have ambition you need a beautician…an ugly position
In my coalition you need permission…luck with the audition
I’m not a hater just much greater…a smooth operator
Like a Terminator I’ll see you later…your exterminator
~~~
I’LL BE BACH!!!
I'm not really a rapper...just having fun lol
May.16.2018
8 Mile Style Poetry
Sponsored by: Nick Trim
I don’t believe there is such a thing as a mirror,
Because this so called reflection is not really me.
I think he is a stranger that moved into my house,
For the man that I see is somewhat, ugly.
I think he built this life size window
To spy on everything that I do
And I can tell you he is beginning pissing me off
I can feel my anger’s starting to brew
Once I moved to the side of the window
And he disappeared out of sight
What I could see a part of his room
Gave me an terrible fright
The bugger’s been to the same shop
And bought the same things I have
The bed, cupboards and lamp shades
And on the table he even has the same Sat. Nav.
I peeped into this window
With the hope to catch him off guard
But there he was looking at me
Staring just as hard
I stood in front of the loser and cussed the most colourful words
The monkey aped every action even the moving of his lips
Then it dawned on me that he wore the same clothes
In the same pose with his hands on his hips
So infuriated, I punched the window
And ended his years of peeping tom jeer
However, the bugger is now haunting me
In every glass I happen to peer
I was out walking my dragon, when I came across a Dogasaurus Rex.
It really wasn’t so bad until; they got into a real life-pissing contest.
My dragons’ roar was way less than his, and spitting fire, he couldn’t do.
So they squared off, eyes aglow, and yep, a true pissing contest did ensue.
Now, that was really icky, and flooded my neighbors whole lawn, ewww.
Well, it smelled awfully bad, but when they got going, what was I to do.
And a pooper-scooper does not work here, so I had to wait till both were thru.
If there wasn’t enough testosterone, now my neighbors’ was added, to the brew.
A mean old codger lived right there, and now, even he, was royally pissed.
Watering the lawn wouldn’t send it away; it would spread it more, amiss.
I ran to get my neighbor witch, who was laughing her head off, yes, indeed.
I’d need her help to save the yard, and with the old codger, to finally succeed.
The old codger amazed, started adding, held in, bubbling laughter, to the brew.
Seems he’s a lonely old man, with not enough fun added in his life, it’s true.
He tapped his foot, as his dogasaurus Rex did more, what was I to do, in truth?
I became worried, it would be the death of him, if he didn’t laugh out loud, forsooth.
I ask the dragon, to burn the yard, to save us all, but he just snickered more, thereon.
How, you ask, was I to extradite myself? I went home to put a fire retardant suit, on.
Coming back I kicked, the dragon in his butt, for always being so crazily, put upon.
That quickly brought his fire on me, as I took it into the middle of the yucky lawn.
With the taunting done, the icky stuff gone, the witch put the grass back, with great skill.
Then, the dragon started laughing, his butt off, while thinking I’d owe the witch’s bill.
Hah! He was incredulous, as I said; he’d do the witch’s bidding, till it was fulfilled.
Then, the silly dragon, down right cried, as I told him, the walkies, would now be nil!
But, Grandpa Troll intervened, with us both in timeout, again, facing across the lake.
And, the old codger, spent the rest of his life happy, entertaining the town, with our fate.
From then on, the dragon and dogasauraus, were seen everywhere, as great playmates.
And me, I always carry an umbrella, so Dragon can never rain on my parade…
No more new year resolutions,
no more lie on government restitution,
no republic can survive its dilution
no more pandemic blues,
no more wild-eyed cons[iracy cues
no more revenue that's due,
just a prayer for every ordinary me and you;
give me liberty, opinion and my own discretion
a say in the congressional gridlocked sessions
and give me my freedom of choice,
keep your Beemer, Lincoln, Lexus and Rolls Royce,
help me vote, let me speak my voice;
let me give my fair share
how much do you care
about health, hunger, poverty and medicare,
brother do you have a dime to spare,
is anyone with common sense there?
Where are the children too long missing
who's corporate behinds are you now kissing
what's with all the anger and the hissing,
end these shootings, hate fires the looting dissings
help the homeless and the poor, stop the dismissing
are your senate raging rants just visual political pissing?
Schumer, Pelosi, Manchin, McConnel and McCarthy
what is the point of your political party,
you play your little games of cat and mouse
while nothing is done in Senate or in House?
Get to work, do your jobs
stop the lobby dance and cut the hobnobs,
too long perhaps you hold power
all governments are now, equally soured
while the general population is deflowered.
her place smells like lavender
or violets
i've slept here many times before
but never well
never fitfully
alien atmosphere i suppose
the bare bulbs in the bathroom
kill my shadow
i'm a stranger in the kitchen
smoking weed on the couch
pissing in the tiolet
and screwing her in the shower
intimately removed
she wants me to move in
i miss her already
Bankrupt and broke life has given to me
Endless contradictions with windows I see
What a shame that it is to be in this bind
However the outcome I'm losing my mind...
Yesterdays care gave out almost there
While trailing once more, lifes relentless wear
Has taken me down again and again
Yet this time it's different, this time I give...
Watching and wishing I keep on missing
Something inside that will stop it's pissing
Life's pissing on me and letting me know
Get out of the way get out of the flow
I've fallin again and boy I fell hard
Fighting lifes ways justifies my scar's
Painful emotions have robbed me today
It procrastinated awhile and became enraged
What can I do when inside me I knew
There's somewhere I'd been adjusting my view
I am all the way down and feeling quite sick
Standing on the bottom of life's bottomless pit...
Dedicated to Lt. Gen. George S. Patton, Jr. (November 11, 1885 – December 21, 1945)
I'd fought a hundred battles
through the ages past and new
I'd been a lowly foot soldier
But at times commanded too.
I was a witness of Arab mothers
Fleeing cities under-siege ;
A new age liberator,
The commander of the third.
I had served with Ceasar's legion;
The Carthaginians; and the Greeks.
When Arthur was in his Kingship,
I was a captain of the knights
A horseman tough and skillful
Of medieval cavalier;
But ages had transformed me
to dash with iron wheels
The only time I meet MacArthur
Was in the salient of St. Mehiel
We both stood erect, calm, and unmindful
To the guns and bursting shell.
Oh well take a look at Monty
Too slow for his advance
He didn't expect me to take Palermo
or Mesina to my plan
I was reproved of my harshness,
They knew not that I was somber too
I cared not of my language
As long as my point would get through
I'd mixed my words with profanities
That my orders surely stick
My men would always remember every word
While they're in the battle field
Oh my, I hate those yellow bastards
They have no place on this earth
I sent them to the frontlines
That no more they would breed
Those swivel chair commanders
Discounted my two days time
But brave soldier deserved to be rescued
Before his dog tag stops to chime.
So my men made it to Dunkirk
To the delight of McAuliffe
"Surrender!" yelled the Nazis
but "nutz" was all he said.
I was cut off of supplies and fuel
For Market Garden's sake
But after pissing the flowing River
I held the Fuhrer's nest
So soon another war was ended
Mine enemies had lost
The iron carver claimed the glory
And relieved me from my post.
There was a young lady from Wheeling
West Virginia, that is
Who had a peculiar feeling that
Her boyfriend Jack was cheating
She took it to his Mom
“Mom” she said, “your son Jack
Is really pissing me off.
I'm ready to hit the ceiling.”
“Ya know,” Mom said, “You crack me up.
I'm tickled he goes to your head
He irritates me the same way about you
So I tell him to stay unwed.”
So Mom was the other woman
The young lady from Wheeling suspected
So she lay on her back and considered Mom amd Jack
“I would like to see them dissected!”
Woke up this morning to dirty dishes and fly’s in the kitchen. It was raining outside. Raining hammers and nails. I heard the baby crying but it didn’t mean anything to me. I was lost in a dream a fantasy. I was playing my guitar and dreaming of being free. The only place that a man can be is inside the dream or outside of reality. And I was washing hubcaps and dreaming of being me. The carwash was the place to be. You could score and the chicks were there for free. Cheetos and Lays chips man the best. Breakfast tacos full of chorizo and beans. Drinking Lone Star and listening to Merle Haggard on the radio. Turn up the game I can’t hear it from here. Tequila shots for everyone my friend. Wrestling in the dry dirt outside someone pulled a knife and Leon went to jail. Cut the ****. I got things to do. You don’t know me. To hell with your jumper cables man I got places to be. So kiss off Holmes.
Pissing up a tree I realize I am not free. I didn’t get here by chance it ain’t no mystery. The son of a poor man I am destined to be a day laborer. You will see me everywhere you look. I build your roads I dig your ditches I mow your lawns I clean your houses I am ubiquitous. And one day I will own you. And then my friend I’ll teach you a thing or two about living and love. Until then amigo…until then.
The student sits in third row last chair
His foolish words of attention are blurted everywhere
He understands not the value of listening
For he seeks laughs and howls for the teacher’s off>< pissing
Until finally the day of teacher student conflict
The teacher enquires of the student’s gimmicks
Young man confronting the joker for all to hear
Your gall for the learned compliance suitable for classroom learning
Indicates your true ability of one of extremely asinine qualities
I must admit as all the students are listening here
You are the greatest highly intelligent gluteus Maximus I ever did hear
Being an American in Australia isn’t easy,
but I’m trying to integrate;
I’m trying to fit in.
Just one of the boys with all the right expressions
under my belt, like:
pasty glut
cosmetic spring roll rut
five o’clock shadow cigarette butt.
I mean, I’m trying to integrate;
I’m trying to fit in.
I try to talk about the good ol’ U.S. of A.,
and I’ve never mentioned Uncle Sam once,
except to suspect he lives inside Colonel Sanders
who also gives me a big pain in the ass
with his mysterious suppository herbs & spices;
cos I’m trying to fit in, see?
I’m trying to integrate.
Okay, I can get nervous about women,
and cover it up under muscle and toughness, O.K.!
Say: “All sheilas are made fer ****in’!”
while dreaming:
leather cock thrust
beer lubrication
violet steak lips!
Say: “All poets are poofs!” and
beat my balls around fields of green
with wooden sticks so stiff and clean, screaming
semen icing power
spread on scones of breasts!
Bloody hell! Can’t ya see?
I’m trying to integrate,
trying to fit in.
Like wearing high-heeled snow-shoes
and roller-skater shirts;
doing al the expected things, even tho’
my Balinese sarong trips me up occasionally.
I’ve got a sun-tanned *******,
and I’m keeping me nose to the ground,
no bloody fear! I’m integrating, ya see?
Trying to sit in.
I’m a tough-fisted slow-sauntering grog-pissing
knife balling tit watching ***** hating self-deceiving
regular visionless mate of no matter:
Swallowed by deserts
and the fear of ******s;
Tortured by sun
and the freeze of lost passion;
Murdered in business;
resurrected in wages!
Enslaved in the cities and
imprisoned by FACTS
that stretch from my body
in steel rails of tracks I ride on,
I hide on:
I’ve lost where I’ve been.
But I’m integrating
(yeah, INTEGRATING!)
I’m just fitting in.
My anger boils deep down inside.
Yet I smile with sparkling eyes.
Hot blood flowing vie chamber to chamber…
Thumping heart beats vexed closer to danger…
Drinking in downpouring tears and cries.
Yet I smile with sparkling eyes.
Pissing out vengeance, bourbon and wine.
Bowels rumble loudly from the hate I dine.
Hands wipe away sweat of brood and brine.
Cap rim shadows inhuman thoughts of mind.
Gut pit energy peaking and on the rise.
Yet I still smile with sparkling eyes.
Guard my steps' quick smooth strides.
Make not my eyes deem you unwise.
Wonderful
I see the curves in the murky dawn
In the straight lines, lined up like pawns
I see the morning
In drunken sunshine
The life is so wonderful
Young and full of love
WONDERFULL
When you gaze at lovers pissing on waterfalls
I am neither impolite nor rude
Excuse the poetic ruse
If only.... if only
The clocks traveled backwards
If only you could know me
Yesterday
Once more I beg of you
Shout how wonderful I used to be
Aurore you were so wonderful
Me I was so pathetic
I sing to the morning commuters in the rain
About the sickness of lovers and cheaters pain
Wonderful
So wonderful to be here
If only the metro runs me over
The pathetic, I would be gone
Wouldn’t that be so wonderful?