Best Pee Poems
This is something other than unsure laced with heavy heart.
I'd love to change my mind, is this where you take charge?
When our play begins, the starring role I'm begging you to take.
Open your eyes, I won't sit around and wait.
Would you instantly be swooned if I could be your tin foil dream?
Would you cook me in a spoon, shoot me right through your blood stream?
A rush that lasts longer than fifteen seconds, a force that beckons for all of your attention.
I want to illuminate the dark corners, where you hide the secrets that border,
The hurt that you and I refuse to admit, the **** that resides far beneath the surface,
Those things that just never quite seem fit and yet we both allow them to exist.
Between a cut and a hole, is there really a difference at all?
Knowing what I know, why do I keep interest in something I cannot control?
She's got what you need and she's got you by the balls,
I have nothing that can compare to her thralls.
But this is just an embellishment of events as seen in my head.
This is my heart written on paper that cannot be read. Maybe if I do it like this, it will make more sense.
I hope you'll let me find solace in you because I know I can do better but I don't want to believe it is true.
This where I lose rhythm and ask you to lie and tell me you'll do anything, but darling don't take the time to try.
I fervently pray I shall never see
Another like the incumbent Vee Pee
I cringe hearing her cackle
Such a useless debacle
Two peas in a pod are JoJo and she
An Aussie Bush Pee
Now! Have you ever tried to have a pee?
while squatting down and hiding in the bush.
But first, must pull your jeans and undies down
while all the time you’re showing off your toosh.
You grab your jeans and undies in one hand
to keep them out the way before you go.
While balanced in a squat your legs apart
you think you’re ready to then let it flow.
But! as it starts you then begin to squirt
it everywhere except upon the ground.
And then you realize you cannot stop
pee on your legs, your jeans, and all around.
You try to hold it back while you then change
position of your squat will be the plan.
You curse and swear, but then it squirts again
it’s time like this you wish you were a man.
Undo their zip and let it all hang out
before they start just hold it in their hand.
And then direct the flow just where they want
‘Cause they can take a pee while they still stand.
But no! For me I have to try and squat
on wobbly legs while trying not to fall.
Then as I go, I know I’ll wet my pants,
but how to stop it I have bugger all.
So! Next time when I am out in the bush
and need to pee; I’ll strip off all my clothes.
I’ll stand up straight, pretend I am a man
And maybe only pee upon my toes.
But wait! I have now found the perfect seat
that I can use when I need a bush pee.
No longer need to squat and squirt it out
I’ll take my new ‘bush dunny seat’ with me.
Christine ©
Lamet!
is what she hears first
him, screaming her second name
as he descends upon her
no time to process
gravity
a thud, tearing her core to shavings
Maiweeeee! She is puzzled.
His baritone dropping the 'n'
agitation
a wooden scrabble.
Nothing is left between her
and Pee, not a grain
all’s crushed
smothering their screams
interlocking their groans.
He is a pawn, no saphead
giving it to her, a pounding
her splinters
putting him on like a glove
a blood-wood
fragments of his body all over her.
She, a Mortal
(he notes the ‘r’ replacement)
implodes in silence, his pain.
She is deep
no winnowing basket
Her pleas chaff going with the wind
consummating with eyes
but she, too dry to go gunky.
Left to recline in the tree shade, heaves
silent sighs among groundnut sheaves
“You know I l-o-v-e you,”
“Yet it spells p-a-i-n, right?”
“We are just pieces of a g-a-m-e dear,”
he sighs rolling onto his back.
Pee Dee Pee Dee
Clip Clip Clip Clip
Whee Whee Whee
Sweetie Sweetie
Clah Clah
Eeep Eeep Eeep
Clah Clah
Whee Whee Whee
Pee Dee Pee Dee
Whee Whee Whee
Birdspeak in the morning
If I were a boy - I would be a son
If I were a boy - I would not use a pink dummy
If I were a boy - I would be a brother
If I were a boy - I would not wear ribbon in my hair
If I were a boy - I would have been a young man
If I were a boy - I would not walk with high heels
If I were a boy - I would be a lovely man
If I were a boy - I would find me a wife
If I were a boy - I would drop housework
If I were a boy - I would have been a husband
If I were a boy - I would have had ten children
If I were a boy - I would be a father to my children
If I were a boy - I would read fairy tales in bed for all my ten children
If I were a boy - I would be the grandfather of my grandchildren
If I were a boy - I would sit in a rocking chair smoking my pipe
The best thing about being a boy would probably be
that I do not have to pull down my pants when I am going to pee
05.03.2012
A-L Andresen :9
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
When I was younger and I thought of old age
Thought we all became senile at this elderly stage
It appears I was wrong, I can still go potty
And able to dress this tired old body
Try as I might, I don't see very well
And my wobbly old legs are as shaky as hell
Sometimes my words come out like a squeak
Other times I whistle whenever I speak
Have a secret to tell you my young whipper snappers
It's as good as it gets except for my bladder
It seems to be constantly wanting attention
I don't have a problem with pee-pee retention
So now that I've told you guys what to expect
I must tell you all it's as good as it gets
Enjoy your youth cause it's downhill from here
You'll soon be old and decrepit I fear
© Jack Ellison 2015
Get up
Shower
Pee in a cup
Cough - Give blood
Only when told
But don’t give too much
When you are old -
Urine’s no better
When you are told
Vary your stream,
Your colors
But – Don’t be too bold-
Now-
Not too fast-
Get a strong hold-
Try to remember
What’s in front -
And behind you -
When you are old
Laughter is infectious, laughter is the key
To a long happy life, with smiles guaranteed
A life filled with joy
For all girls and boys
Sorry, must end this, gotta go pee!
© Jack Ellison 2015
I only pee on Tuesdays
I only pee on Tuesdays
Thursdays is for the other way
I only eat on Sundays now
Global warming has come to play
………………………Or so they say
We must do our part
Or better yet do no farts
For global peace and harmony
I used to shower Mondays
Now I feel so so guilty
For now and then I would cheat you see
And when that shower was running hot as can be
I’d have me one extra wee… wee
Shocked was I, when I got me fine
That inspector was in the loo
They sure don’t give you any room
To sneak even an extra poo
No more hot water allowed for now
It’s not politically correct
With all these cold showers
The population will diminish yet
Life used to contain a little fun
We used to have a gas
Now you can’t even let out a little
As you pray at local mass
Note: Inspired by none other than Jan Allison!!!! hope she is smiling!
Oh! Poor, Granny Paped.
Please, don't be mad, at me.
It was, mama, who shouted,
To, wipe, your pee.
A shy he-man met a pee man
They vowed to exchange their semen
They forgot to spelunk
Quarreled on count of *****
And plunked onto pouch of Riemann
It's a requirement for us guys to stand up to pee
There's always a chance we'll pee on our knee
Sitting down like lady
Well at home maybe
Mighty awkward sitting on a urinal to me
© Jack Ellison 2015
Let's see
Up at three
Feed the baby
Back under the sheets
For a couple hours of sleep
Kids up for breakee
Gulping my tea desperately
Rush them to school gleefully
Walk the baby expediently
This being my time for me
Back home to clean insistently
Do three loads of laundry
Flee for groceries
Video Game Rentals late constantly
Go to work in my office impatiently
Where things have piled up overwhelmingly
Hubby claims I'm grumpy
Instead of crying I laugh hysterically
Baby bellows loudly
Time to change his nappy
Phone rings twenty times daily
Say I never call a bit angrily
Can't explain my life so harry
Don't want it to come out sounding scary
So I apologize gracefully
Kids home noisily
I'm panicky
My office work is not done completely
Oh well, its time to get them to hockey
Feed them first to keep them healthy
Bath time comes busily
Bedtime is love and kisses and favourite stories
Baby sleeping beautifully
My feet are up now restfully
Oops, I forgot to pee!
I assess my day on the toidy
Would I change my life at forty?
Are you kidding
Not this life inspired journey!
I once was a boy who was scared of his karate teacher the most,
He would yell and scream, our faces would be so close.
During one lesson, I had to go number one and time was running out fast,
I didn’t dare ask him to go, so there I went in the middle of class,
The girl next to me pointed at the puddle, and screamed “Ewww! That’s gross!”