Best Pee Poems

Yesterday I was in a little funk
because I got peed on by a big skunk
             took a long shower
              about every hour
discarded new jeans cos they stunk

   ...

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This is something other than unsure laced with heavy heart.
I'd love to change my mind,  is this where you take charge?
When our play begins, the starring role I'm begging you to take.
Open your eyes, I won't sit around and wait.
Would you instantly be swooned if I could be your tin foil dream?
Would you cook...

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I fervently pray I shall never see

   Another like the incumbent Vee Pee

      I cringe hearing her cackle

         Such a useless debacle

            Two peas in a pod are JoJo...

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An Aussie Bush Pee

Now! Have you ever tried to have a pee?
while squatting down and hiding in the bush.
But first, must pull your jeans and undies down
while all the time you’re showing off your toosh.

You grab your jeans and undies in one hand
to keep them out the way before you go.
While balanced in a squat...

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Lamet!

is what she hears first
him, screaming her second name
as he descends upon her
no time to process
gravity
a thud, tearing her core to shavings
Maiweeeee! She is puzzled.

His baritone dropping the 'n'
agitation
a wooden scrabble.
Nothing is left between her
and Pee, not a grain
all’s crushed
smothering their screams
interlocking their groans.

He is a pawn, no saphead
giving it to her, a pounding
her splinters
putting...

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Pee Dee Pee Dee
Clip Clip Clip Clip
Whee Whee Whee
Sweetie Sweetie 
Clah Clah
Eeep Eeep Eeep
Clah Clah
Whee Whee Whee
Pee Dee Pee Dee
Whee Whee Whee
Birdspeak in the morning...

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If I were a boy - I would be a son
If I were a boy - I would not use a pink dummy
If I were a boy - I would be a brother
If I were a boy - I would not wear ribbon in my hair
If I were a boy - I would have been...

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When I was younger and I thought of old age

Thought we all became senile at this elderly stage

It appears I was wrong, I can still go potty

And able to dress this tired old body

Try as I might, I don't see very well

And my wobbly old legs are as shaky as hell

Sometimes my words come out...

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Get up 
Shower
Pee in a cup

Cough - Give blood 
Only when told
But don’t give too much 
When you are old -

Urine’s no better 
When you are told
Vary your stream,
Your colors 
But – Don’t be too bold-

Now- 
Not too fast-
Get a strong hold-
Try to remember 
What’s  in front -
And behind you -
When you are old...

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Laughter is infectious, laughter is the key
To a long happy life, with smiles guaranteed
A life filled with joy
For all girls and boys
Sorry, must end this, gotta go pee!


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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I only pee on Tuesdays

I only pee on Tuesdays
Thursdays is for the other way
I only eat on Sundays now
Global warming has come to play
………………………Or so they say
We must do our part
Or better yet do no farts
For global peace and harmony

I used to shower Mondays
Now I feel so so guilty
For now and then I would cheat...

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Oh! Poor, Granny Paped.
Please, don't be mad, at me.
It was, mama, who shouted,
To, wipe, your pee....

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A shy he-man met a pee man
                                They vowed to exchange their semen
           ...

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It's a requirement for us guys to stand up to pee
There's always a chance we'll pee on our knee
Sitting down like lady
Well at home maybe
Mighty awkward sitting on a urinal to me


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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I once was a boy who was scared of his karate teacher the most,
He would yell and scream, our faces would be so close.
During one lesson, I had to go number one and time was running out fast,
I didn’t dare ask him to go, so there I went in the middle of class,
The girl next...

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