Best Mayer Poems
A dachshund named Oscar was he,
which adored trick or treating with me,
so I had me some fun
when I sewed a cloth bun,
for a Halloween weenie he’d be.
On his costume I added a trim
mustard yellow, but though he’s not slim,
he’s no Oscar Mayer,
so don’t raise his ire
by taking a bite out of him!
Let me write you a poem.
A poem so great Bukowski would give me a hats off-
And hand me a beer.
A poem so well-written, John Mayer would play me a
Tribute song with his guitar.
Let me bring Shakespeare to shame-
Let me write you sonnets one and two,
Three, Four and maybe
Five hundred.
Let the only alliteration be that of our laughter,
As we exchange puns and stories.
Let the words “I love you” be an understatement.
Let us be the Paradox – and let the popcorn munching crowd watch us with awe.
Let the touching of our lips write Concrete poems.
Let your embraces warm me with Haikus.
Chase me through Couplets where we are the only couple.
Let the only Dramatic Monologue be that within my palpitating heart.
Wrap me with imagery-
Shower me with smiles and similes.
Be the Free Verse,
Be the Epic poem,
Be the Ghazal poetry drunkards wrote to their loved ones…
Be the hero in my Heroic couplets,
Be the one.
Just let me write you a poem-
Where your name is the only repeated term.
Where the only irony is the twist of fate that brought us together.
Where the only onomatopoeia is the ROAR of your rusty car’s engine.
Where we stand like Oxymorons- contradictory but side by side.
Just let me write you a poem.
Or a novel
Or a play
Or a song-
Let me write you something.
‘Cause a little bit of Summer
is what the whole year is all about
John Mayer
WEEKENDS
Summer at pool.
Staying cool, Sis!
Whirlpool of friends —
Laughter-cleanse splash.
Weekends play out every day, Sis!
5/3/2021
If there ain't no Bacon in Heaven
I'm gonna keep right on sinning
For hell's where I rather be
If I can enjoy my BLT
Now don't be a judging
No use of nudging
If there ain't no Bacon in Heaven
Then Heaven ain't for me
That pure smell of delight
That gets you to jump up from night
Bacon for breakfast, yes siree
Bacon Bacon all for me
The smell of Bacon
The taste of Bacon
The flavor of Bacon
Crispy, chewy, fry or bake
Bacon Bacon for goodness sake
If there ain't no Bacon in Heaven
That's hard for me to believe
For how could there be no Bacon in Heaven
When Oscar Mayer is the patron saint of meat candy
Yes there is Bacon in Heaven
Saint Peter those angel wings are mine
The taste of Bacon can only be Divine.
We see the distraction clearly
Thinkers research hidden truth
Exposing false values where moral ground stands priceless
Workers are slaves chained to the elitist purse
Not paid exploited by a few fact remains
Kept under control by the bankers
Mayer Amschel Rothschild said these words
Let me issue and control a nation's money
and I care not who writes the law
Have we as a planet become so brainwashed
Government is hiding facts robbing us blind
throwing us to the streets using our tax money
to pay bonuses to these so called robbers
Destroying countries without logic
through their actions all the time lying
creating more taxes
Thinking we are ignorant uneducated
I blame the hardships our world is going through
on the bankers and their cowboys
Who can buy soldiers or countries
World leaders are now all corrupt
with a lot of secret deals in their closets
They no longer stand with the people
Watching suffering every single day
Homeless rising we are all brothers and sisters
Our democracy is being undermined
Wake up and smell the roses
Ceasear's law is being enforced
Very few people smile these days
burdened by debts manipulated with low wages
Keeping the working class down
Society becomes a place of total control
a playground for the rich creating chaos
through war games keeping our eye on their goal
Hail to the Dragon Slayer?
From Metro-Goldwyn Mayer?
What did he really do?
Except charge me and you
To joust another player!
Memories of you talking,
Simply talking to me,
About your day,
About a new song you heard lately,
About how you like worn out jeans,
And how you fangirl over John Mayer.
Memories of you smiling,
That smile with your eyes,
Crinkling up,
Creasing,
Happiness.
Memories of looking for that flower from Italy.
Turning on the flashlight,
Searching for it on the road,
And finally finding it back in your room.
Memories of that night we never wanted to end.
Our last goodbye.
Our last hug.
Our last kiss.
An end we never saw coming.
You said 'Remember me and smile someday.'
And I do.
So now, with no talks,
No goodnights and goodmornings,
I remember you and smile.
With an irreplaceable warmth.
And I am happy
Like I was before.
I’m laying here with a broken heart
Sweet Girl, remembering you..
Is the hardest part
John Mayer is singing slow
On the radio..
Why did you have to go
These empty words repeating
And it’s a lie to say I feel your spirit
Your voice, I almost hear it
That soft touch is just beyond
You’re all the lyrics of my song
It’s not true your smiling down on me
Is that our baby with you I see
No, that’s sorrow’s wishful thinking
But soon I’ll believe cause I’ve been drinking
And if somehow I fall from this bed
Dripped in tears and dread..
I couldn’t get any lower
Hopeless cries from sore knees
I can’t breathe
Begging please..
But you’re already gone
And it’s a lie to say I feel your spirit
Your voice, I almost hear it
That soft touch is just beyond
You’re all the lyrics of my song
It’s not true your smiling down on me
Is that our baby with you I see
No, that’s sorrow’s wishful thinking
But soon I’ll believe cause I’ve been drinking
Yeah...
Sweet Girl.. I’m gonna feel your spirit
Your voice, I almost hear it
That soft touch is just beyond
You’re all the lyrics of my song
Soon I’ll feel you smiling down on me
Is that our baby with you I see
And everything’s gonna be alright
In my dreams I’m with you tonight
I’m with you tonight
I’m with you tonight
~Lyric Man
Note:
Spotify
I just wanted to say thank you
You get me
I mean sure not everyday,
I still don’t know why
You still refuse to play my favorite
John Mayer song
When I really need it
That one day
The treacherous day when his lips ripped me open
There was a song for the hole as deep as the
Tenerife Sea
Inside me.
You stitch me up with your borrowed
Lyrics and chords,
A half-rest away from silence.
The moments when everything seems
Bland even
The dew on the pomegranate tree and somehow
The Arizona sun is muted
You give me the color
I’m missing
You turn it all Yellow
When I’m desperate for company
And I set fire to the welcome mat reserved for
Silence you
Show me everything's got a little kindness and even
Walls Could Talk
When I’m drowning in my own loss,
And I can’t help falling
You give me soft enough water to sink in
And tuck me away in
Wastelands no one
Notices
When I’m high on laughter on
Him, you
Say who the hell am I to be selfish
With my smile
Remind me I don’t need much just a
Little Skinny Love to
Keep me going at night
Dry the tears on my pillowcase
Its midnight and I’m
Inches from him and
He’s Just Giving Me a Reason
To lean forward
Spotify
Thank you
Through Their Eyes
From singer to sing sing
From prayer to slayer
This is the story of Mr. Mayer
I was a good boy, sang at church in the choir
That was when my mother killed my father
She didn't kill him, it was more of a slaughter
She beat him all the time
I thought it would be just another
We were in the kitchen, me and my brother
I was six, my brother was four
She beat him with a shovel
Until his head was a puddle
When I grew up, I condemned and loathed women
They should be helpless like when I was child
And man.....that's what I did, and it felt wild
It was mostly women with curly brown hair
I cut their limbs off with saws and knives
Then I made sure they were awake and alive
Now they couldn't move or kill anyone
I sat them upright, side by side in a row
I called them my shelf of useless torsos
I had a collection of four
Before I was caught
But I managed to keep some great snapshots
July 30, 2016
Did Oscar Mayer
advertise since the Weiner
twitter scandal broke?
A little retail R & R is what I really needed today
Driving while listening to John Mayer all the way
Life can get complicated and sometimes it’s too much
Time for some retail therapy in new make up or a clutch
I am the queen of maxinista’s and needed my fix
A great day off to listen to Mayer and find my picks
I see the store ahead, I am feeling giddy, can’t wait
No guilt in spending, my bills are paid, nothings late!
I must stop and check out the clearance bags
Nothing to my liking today as I see the pricey tags
I found a new eyebrow pencil and some fancy body wash
I love to smell nice while I am trying to dress and look posh
Oh, what wonderful cooking woks and some house wares!
I check over the woks for imperfections while the clerk stares
I almost forgot the clearance isle of women’s clothes on sale
I may be getting into trouble, afraid my budget’s starting to fail
I find two cute summer shirts that fit and add them to my cart
Working the store for deals is somewhat of a talented art
I can’t forget about my dog, he needs a new addition too
and find a perfect soft, stuffed and squeaky elephant toy in blue
As I check out, I am pleased I did not break the bank
Relaxing and driving while listening to Mayer on a full tank
I just needed some Mayer and retail R & R on this holiday
I am ready for the work week ahead after my little get away!
something went bad in the fridge and it smells just like feet
and at one point in time it was something to eat
but now its a haven for bacteria and mold
its not fit for consumption or for the stomach to hold
it was'nt the ham or the turkey or par-kay
the fruits were just fine and the milk was okay
i looked over the food that was left on the tray
and the left overs was made just yesterday
i reached over and opened the vegetable bin
and everything was fine when i looked there within
i asked myself then what could that awful stench be
that assaulted my nostrils and kept torchering me
i looked at the shelf and glanced at the 12 dozen eggs
then i asked myself could it be the custard i made?
i looked in the corner behind the kool-aid
there was oscar mayer balogne starting to fade
EWWW!!! YUCK!!!! GROSS!!!!
i'll never eat with toast !!!!
my balogne had a first name
but it never had a host.
lol :)
Judge Mayer On the bench did sit,
Coldly appraising the man in the dock,
The man in the dock was, unperturbed,
He gave the judge a knowing wink,
At least that's what the judge did think,
For which he was not at all prepared,
and it gave him quite a shock.
“Now, now, my man we’ll have none of that”,
and then he noticed he was wearing a hat,
“You cannot wear that hat in court,
take it off right now I know your sort,”
The man stayed cool as cool can be,
I'm sorry M’Lord, I cannot comply,
I have to wear it and that's no lie.
“You have to wear it, don't be absurd,
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”
“It’s true M’Lud”, the man decried,
“Let me explain and then you decide.
It's part of my job I'm a beekeeper by trade,
It’s how I keep them all warm when I go on Parade”.
I've never heard anything so ridiculous as that
people don't keep bees living in their hat,
If you don't take it off the sergeant will remove it.
Alright said the man if you really insist,
And he ripped his hat off with a twist of the wrist,
The room suddenly was filled, with a swarm full of bees,
and everyone there just dropped to their knees
Clear the court said the judge to the sergeant at arms,
As in panic he turned on all the alarms,
And ran into his chambers, locking the door.
No one was left but the man in the dock,
And as he walked out the door of the court,
He turned to a friend waiting under the clock,
Works every time with that judge’s sort!
Number one with cartoons were William Hanna and Joseph Barbera.
They started at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer in Culver City, California.
These two were the co-creators of the famous Tom and Jerry.
Beginning in 1957 was some of their amazing history.
So many of their other creations attained immense popularity.
Who doesn't know Yogi Bear, Quick Draw Mc Graw, and Pixie and Dixie?
Nearly everyone remembers The Flintstones, Jetsons, and Jonny Quest.
Scooby Doo, The Wacky Races, and Fantastic Four, are among the rest.
Both men are gone now, but they are still considered the best.
I thank both wikipedia.org and youtube.com for information I obtained to write this poem