Best Kiss My Ass Poems
If I had to make a choice I would rather hate intelligently than to love stupidly.
This Cowboy came into this world with nothing.
So when you said you were leaving, I said
" Fine."
Now, I hope I Find a little Darling.
That can take me out to dinner and fine dine.
That can take me out to dinner and fine dine.
You see, I always paid the bills with my own money,
and you know these times have - a - changed.
So when I hand the bill back to you honey. Please
don't give me that awful look of shame.
Oh, please don't give me that awful look of shame.
I got concerned, when she was spending all my money.
My gut told me, it was time to go, for honey.
So, I asked her nicely, to sign a prenup.
She told me, " Oh Hell No, I'm not!" NO, "HELL NO,
I'm NOT!!!
The look on her face was priceless.
She said "I ain't -a- signing!"
Yelled, "Kiss my Ass Darling!" and
stormed out the room like lightening!
Oh, She stormed out the room like lightening!
So it saddens me to say goodbye to her,
and if you ask her, she'd say I was a Jerk.
Truth be told the reason why.
My credit card balance, reached the sky.
Oh, my Credit card balance, reached the sky.
Now I wasn't born yesterday,
and this Cowboy knows a trick or two.
When a Cowgirl says, " I love You."
Hide your wallet, and Credit Cards too!
Oh,"Hide your wallet, and Credit Cards, too!"
Cause you want to leave this world with a
little something, and not taken to the
cleaners by your darling.
No not taken to the cleaners by your darling.
Please don't think all women are all bad.
It was bad luck, this cowboy had.
Wishing for a cowgirl, that saves, not spends,
so We can ride into the sunset once again.
Oh we can, ride into the sunset once again.
Now you ask me what the Moral of this story is?
And, I'll answer you with one reply.
When you find a cowgirl, and you know she's right.
Hide your money, cause she'll take it, out of sight!
(Repeat)
OH, Hide your money, cause she'll take it, out of sight!
So, when you leave this world you'll have a little
something, and You won't be taken to the Cleaners, by
your wife.
No, You wont be taken to the cleaners by your wife...
This was written in fun, truth
be told women are much more
to be trusted than men...
Who’s in Charge Here
Alas, past poets hid their angst
stored it in poetic banks
deep vaults nurtured and then fed
the hearts and minds of those who led
a revolution
harsh
and crass
that shouted
you can kiss my ass.
I shall vent, and roar
and laugh again
at all your rules
“Hallmarkian”.
and then I’ll smote thee
with devices
to cover up
my cherished vices
scatter words
across your senses
awaken dreams
poke sticks at demons
place a picture
in your mind
that makes you slowly
look behind
curtains
filtering your light.
six broken eggs
mother nature’s omelet
blended harmony
©5/25/2017
submitted to – Contemporary Poetry – Poetry Contest
Farewell to the pubs
the bars and the stores
Farewell to saloons
and the swinging of doors
Farewell to the nights
of stumbling home
Farewell to the fights
that hurt me alone
Farewell to the grip
of the bottle at last
I say to the demons
You can kiss my ass.
(This is a fictional poem)
You killed my son's cat when he went in your yard.
When you killed him, it left my son emotionally scarred.
You hurt my son so I shattered your jaw like a piece of glass.
Now your mouth is wired shut and you can kiss my ass.
You know I could have been a rich man,
maybe a Hollywood movie star.
Or rocking out on some spot-lit stage,
singing songs and playing my guitar.
My fans would swoon and beg to touch me,
and they would tell me that I’m just grand.
But because of you, I’m all alone,
too afraid of failure to make a stand.
Chorus:
I don’t want you. I don’t need you,
not gonna stay here and feed you.
Because I have got a new plan,
I’m hiding here inside my sleeve.
Done with doubting and with lying,
with failing at what I’m trying.
I know I can do anything,
as long as I can just believe.
I have decided to move along,
stop lying here curled up on the floor.
Forget the past it can kiss my ass,
I’m gonna toss you right out the door.
Not listening to what you have to say,
you’re always telling me what to do.
Now get out of here and hit the road,
cause you and me are finally through.
Repeat Chorus:
So, if like me, you’ve spent all your life,
trying hard to make your dreams come true
But every time you nearly reached one.
Old Man Doubt took it away from you.
If you’re too afraid to start over,
and don’t know if you can dream again.
Don’t listen to what he has to say,
because Old Man doubt sure ain’t your friend.
Was it said before? Sure.
Was it said this way? I doubt it.
Perspective is in no way obscure,
And his works are nothing without it.
His motivation’s observed in daily life,
Misery, not just some vague inspiration.
He begs for reason, some way to lessen strife;
His words reflect a resounding desperation.
There seems a need at times to clarify,
But that’s allowed in his terms only;
So many thoughts seem somewhat ‘rarefied’,
Fed his fire, but made him lonely.
No ‘underachiever’, not just another fool,
But still seeking solace by the glass;
Tempering his stagger and his drool
With just a bit of ‘kiss my ass.’
But, usually, genius ‘sots’ come to ground,
Lucid moments - on the square;
Their driving ‘bolts’ of genius, word or sound,
Only written because they dare.
Yes, you can feel the written “heart”,
But few of us can realize that sort of pain;
No isolated misery… of many lives a part,
Each begs an answer... “Who’ll stop the rain?”
Yes, he’s lived it, seen it, and told it well;
But Timing is the Master of one’s Fate.
Is the timing right? Funny…only time will tell…
Will you will be a whining sot or dare to be great?
One success can be lucky, we’ve seen that before.
One book, one song, then quietly fade away.
But six novels later, we should know the score;
He must have had something to say.
So, at the perfect time, someone heard.
Someone who was “someone” took someone under wing.
And to those with interest and empathy, they sold his words;
Saying they “are genius” and with “ugly truth” they ring.
But did he create any redeeming changes or impacts?
Yes, what singular influence did all his artful whining bring?
None... just a relentless, repetitive diatribe of sad facts.
Oh, yes…..and a little “ching ching”.
Entered in the "Idiot or Genius" contest 27 March 2014
not so genius
Knocked up knocked down
Beat up and pushed around
Things ain’t gonna be, gonna be
The way they used to be
Because I got an equalizer
I’ll knock you in the head
I got a tranquilizer that’ll put you
Straight to bed
So daddy don’t
Daddy do
Daddy don’t you do the things
You use to do
Knocked up knocked down
Beat up and pushed around
Things ain’t gonna be, gonna be
The way they used to be
You can kiss my ass
And the trailer good bye
Mama said you was less that
Trailer trash
So daddy don’t
Daddy do
Daddy don’t you do the things
You use to do
Sheriff come round and says
Your bound to die if you keep it up
So save yourself and don’t come around
What is done is done
But I swear if I see you again
It will be at the end of pointed gun
So daddy don’t
Daddy do
Daddy don’t you do the things
You use to do
Dedicated to Donald Duck
You are greatly admired
By the following
The deplorables
Kellyanne Conway
She will con you all the way!
Adolph Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Mussolini
Sarah Palin
Pol Pot
Vladimir Putin
Saudi Royals
Palestinian boils
Tayyip Erdogan
Rudy Giuliani
Mike Pence
Chris Christie
Fran Drescher
Denis Rodman
Jesse Ventura
Astor Mark Burns the fraud and con artist
Ben Carson, the brain surgeon who lost his own brain
Now that’s totally insane
Bechir Assad
Kim Jong-un
Dennis Rodmam, Kim Dongs boyfriend
Gene Simmons, Kiss my ass
Zoltan Bathory, stop the drugs man
Loretta Lynn a hick with redneck whims
Bruce Willis is an actor and a racist with no car(e)
Jessica Simpson is blonde and maybe Trump hasnt grabbed her kitten
Sylvester Stallone will soon be all alone
Unless Donald is gay then a bromance is etched in stone
Illusions of self grandeur
Fantasies of men born to slander
Trump is a sleaze and con and a fraud
If you buy in, you’re a chump and a sod
Stop and think, stop the drink
You have choices and diverse options
Build bridges not walls
In the end, together we shall all stand tall
Maybe not, then too late, we shall atomically fall
A narcissist and psycho of that it’s for sure
He takes charitable deductions claiming he is pure
As he evicts the poor and mentally challenged
Who voted for him while being tossed out the door
Notes: With rights come responsibilities, although this is always a balance it seems we as a society are very concerned with out rights and much less with out responsibilities. I encourage anyone who truly cares to go and find a book called “Berlin Diary 1934-1941” and read it. First it’s a personal account of the times, and any book that covers humanity and day to day life for me carries a more humanistic weight to the story, however the main point is this. Hitler said and acted very much in the same way Donald Trump does today. That educated men stand behind Trump as well as many uneducated ones, is sad, they are more concerned with their own careers than doing the right thing. Of note, The Bushes seem to have long before it was popular, distance themselves from Trump.
Our congress just loves to lament,
about waste when taxes are spent,
but say it ain't healthy
to tax raise the wealthy
so they tax those that can't pay rent.
Roads and the schools need maintaining,
from taxes I'm not abstaining,
while the poor live on beans
its the ones with the means
that are doing the complaining.
I choose a career that won't pass,
just anywhere near upper class,
but I'll make my dollar
with sweaty blue collar
The wealthy can all kiss my ass.
I am rather confused...
My wife’s belly is bulging
and it continues to bulge
more and more each day
Granted, I am NOT a doctor
(although I portrayed one on TV)
Thus I offered my diagnosis:
“Dear, I think it is merely a case of gas"
to which she replied 'Kiss my ass!'
At that point, I suspected the worse
She was hallucinating! To my knowledge
she does not own any member of Equidae
Could the gas, having nowhere else to go
penetrated her skull and invaded her brain?
I was convinced that my diagnosis was correct
and this illness had accumulated for quite a while
Her 'private parts’ were quite sensitive and sore
and she refused to have 'relations’ for 22 months
Light bulb! It’s Elephantiasis....
Im Saven my freestyle rhymes so I got da proof n soon I'll be raising da mothaen roof, feeling bullet proof..with all my skills shining through..my competitors ain't know what to do.. when I grab da Mike ..they know they through... Spitting dope rhymes til they getting high from da dope fumes rising from my Microphone, now they leaving yo. They know they got no chance 2 win any battle against me. No competition for this oleschool rap musician making them disappear like im a en magician...they b running they b twichen n of course they b en n wishes they didn't motivate this freestyle main-e-ack now they all under attack.
I've been writing a lot lately, poetry. Comedy n freestyle raps, giving mothaers heart attacks. My compatision fallen fast, blasted n smoked. I ain't no joke. Everyone finishing last. Day taken snapshots at my sexy ass. I'm now standing alone at da Top of da class so all my haters can kiss my ass.. . Fast or slow.. it ain't matter yo..I am unstoppable, like an F5 Tornado, blowen my competitors apart ..morning, noon or after dark, sreadding MC's like im a great white shark!!
Tearing the mothaers slowly apart from every possible angle. Die-angle to a en triangle. I got every possible angel covered til them mothaers smothered n I'm so hot they starting to smolder n smoke. Take a nice long toke til u start 2 choke..now they know what dis freestyle rappers all about. Turn u out ..choke u out til you en passen out. While I'm passen out my demo.. that is gonna demolish anyone in my way yo. Either way ya wanna see it I'll be undefeated n I en mean it. Gotta gansta lean a gansta limp with a tight gansta grip on my .45 with an extra 50 shot clip. This is real n legit n I won't en quit with da.45 hangen off my right hip with that extra en clip..
Maken mothafukers limp like they a dope pimp...
Now I'm heading 4 my dope ride..
2 get da away from dis homicide...
The seen was messy, the seen was sick..
Mothaers learning arithmetic..
5 glock 9 rounds will kill ya quick!!!
Or it will kill ya slow..
Either ing way your gonna die Yo!!!
ing with me n keeping yo life..
Don't ing mix, n I'm not gonna tell ya 2wice...
Once is enough n s gonna get rough..
U gonna get roughed up ..stuck up ..n hit up..Your body on da back of da pick-up..
Not anymore able to hick-cup..!!
Take a Knee
By Franklin Price
9/28/2017
Take a knee to praise the Lord
Not for discord, we can't afford
Not in the venue of your work
Play football there, don't be a jerk
Don't use the flag to have your say
That's not, at all, the American way
That's not the way you should connect
When you're protesting disrespect
If you want the world to change
And think police should rearrange
Contribute your excessive pay
To help things turn the other way
To take a knee and end it there
Does nothing to make others care
You've used the flag that lets you play
I just have one more thing to say
If you want to end this plight
Then use your money to fight the fight
End disrespect that's more than crass
If you continue, kiss my ass
If you have read this and agree
Send it to your friends for me
Then get down on your bended knee
Pray for change, in the bad we see
I lay my body on this heap,
My eyes are weary and longing for sleep.
As the world gets darker and begins to swirl,
For this poet has found comfort in a suicide pill.
My body will be found stiff and chilled
With a note that says “Kiss my ass you cruel world”
I... just..wanted to be loved you see
And the one I love does not belong to me
I... saw her today at the train station
I felt that emotional possessive fixation
She... was...astonishingly radiant, too beautiful to mention
My curse, Gods... perfect invention
Just to think one year ago
I was smelling her, touching her kissing and making love to her you know
Now... I’m tired... life is not the same
How I crave for the innocence of my youth again
To restore my chance to have life in heaven
To rid this curse and make me unleavened
But the chances of that happening are slim to none
So kiss my ass world and the rest of you, have fun
As I lay my head on this bed
I hope to get it right and they will find me dead.
Little Miss Princess.
Little Miss Me.
Little Miss Oreo.
Little Miss Believe.
Little Miss Hopeful.
Little Miss Naive.
Little Miss Trustworthy.
Little Miss Decieved.
Little Miss Too Caring.
Little Miss Watch Out.
Little Miss Can't Let Go.
Little Miss Remember Every Thought.
Little Miss I Love You.
Little Miss Can't Be Bought.
Little Miss Bad Habits.
Little Miss Never Get Caught.
Little Miss Too Stubborn.
Little Miss Kiss My Ass.
Little Miss Thought You Had Me.
Little Miss Much Too Fast.
Little Mis-Understanding.
Little Miss Attitude.
Little Miss You Don't Have To Like Me.
Little Miss Sometimes Rude.
Little Miss Hyper-Active.
Little Miss Independent.
Little Miss Look But Don't Touch.
Little Miss You Can't Have It.
Little Miss Priss-less.
Little Miss Doing Me.
Little Miss Oreo.
Little Miss Best Believe.