Best Joke Poems
Our problems all began with the industrial revolution
And its legacy has left us with toxic pollution.
Climate change is real and been declared a code red
And if we chose to ignore it, we'll all end up dead.
It's not a new problem, they've been saying it for years
Driven by greed and profit now there will be tears.
Ice caps are melting, I'm sure you already know
And soon the polar bears will have nowhere to go.
Sea and river levels are a worry as they continue to rise
Houses and cars swept away before our very eyes.
Wildfires are quite common now the air is so dry
Many people lose their homes, sadly many of them die.
Not forgetting wildlife, they too perish in the flames
Insurance firms kept busy with thousands of claims.
Our vast oceans too have become a dumping ground
With oil slicks and plastics, just some of the things found.
We burn fossil fuels that release carbon to keep us warm
Now we must find an alternative that wont cause us harm.
Pesticides sprayed on crops with no thought for the bees
Forests cut down ruthlessly, soon there will be no trees.
Action is needed now, they know what's needed to be done
Because when it gets worse there will be nowhere to run.
In the distant future an apocalyptic waste land will be
And all because of mankinds greed and his own stupidity.
Every country must play its part, not just one or two
And every individual on earth that's me and you.
Dinosaurs roamed earth and disappeared mysteriously
And here we all are creating our own catastrophe.
And the many idiots out there who think it's a big joke
They won't find it so funny when they're choking on smoke.
Written 13th August 2021
A vacuum cleaner should glide
And relief from messes provide
It is quite unlike
Harley Davidson's bike
Where the dirtbag's on the outside
Author's note: Someone told me this vapid joke at work today, so I framed it as above--enjoy!
In winter when snow softly falls
Sid snowman clutches his snow balls
He says I feel chilly
There’s frost on my willy
I hope it melts when nature calls!
Toilet tissue is like the starship
Enterprise in that they both slip
Around Uranus
And zip up heinous
Klingons to ferry on a trip
I started a joke…
I started a joke to be laughed at, when I was young.
Now I am too old and I know that I was wrong.
I started to smile, when I saw her, but she is gone.
Now I will see her in all my dreams until dawn.
I started a dance I praised it with every song.
Now the music died and I did cry all night long.
I started to hear her magic voice in all my dreams.
No you do not know, till you don’t know what it means.
I started to look when she was dancing under the moon.
Now with all this pain the dark shadows coming soon.
I started to run to nowhere land when she was gone,
Now I am tired and need something to hold on.
I started a search with all my soul to find and seek,
Yet she is not there, and what is there for me to speak.
I started to cry because I miss my better half,
I know it for sure, I will see her and we'll laugh.
I love you my love, you are with me joyous and kind.
I will be dreaming with all my heart, you will find.
11/21/17
I know a creative soul named Jan
She births laughter - it’s surely her plan
Giggles must shadow her
Her wit creates a stir
She’s funnier than most any man
Paean On Poets Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Margarita Lillico
March 26, 2022
once while planning to take a picture
i thought about how i could
get God to pose
of course i could use a distingushing suit
but for a picture with God
a suit is of little use
then i thought of the obvious
a wonderful plan
i would take a picture with
Gods word in my hand
still as of yet
i have not posed for that picture
but at times i ponder pleasantly
on when i'll take the picture
until one day
it was cruelly exposed
i already had a picture of God
and just didn't know
pulling down the sun vissor
inside my truck
a cut out picture of
Allanis Morrisette
she played God in a movie called
"Dogma"
it frightened me at first
for obvious reasons
but when i think of God
i think that this is the kind of joke
he would play
so, allanis morrisette will stay
i will not worship her
or say that she is God
but when ever i see that picture
i'll see a picture of God
Holidays used to be filled with joys
family, laughing, bear hugs and toys
now it’s the dreaded expense of the year
haunted by debts of frustration and fear
When it’s your time to become St. Nick
except you don’t have any magical tricks
just five little faces asking what about me
hoping theirs is the biggest box under the tree
You must get creative and stretch every cent
without taking the chance of the wrong message sent
Each gift special in its own little way
hoping no tears come to ruin the day
As the years go by they get harder to please
stripping the joy out of Christmas with ease
They used to want bicycles, LEGO’s and dolls
now they want cell phones and tv’s for walls
The Christmas of kids toys and ham glazed with honey
has turned into “show me you love me with money”
Holidays used to be filled with joys
now I don’t know who’s worse, the girls or the boys
-Just a little Christmas humor, don’t get excited
Love can be many things
but it cannot be unsure.
Once you get hurt it's painful
like a disease with no cure.
I don't care to much for love
my loving days are over.
I don't spend money on buying gifts
don't take time to meet a brother.
Why waste your time on dates
put your love on the shelf.
And be proud to stand up and say,
I don't love you, I love myself.
I can go on and on for days
talking about love but it's lust.
I should have shot cupid 2 years ago
because it's him I don't trust.
I hate the thought of being in love.
It gets old, you run out of luck.
So if anyone ask about love,
tell em' the truth, love suck!
Provoke Joke That We Were Broke
others did provoke
and have become a big joke
they would end up broke
hard times in making
each breath we have been taking
while hearts are breaking
how bad we all feel
did discover dirty deal
poor so had to steel
God had told us so
with support spirit will grow
party in church throw
could be a client
who on God is reliant
so we shall repent
soon we all shall snap
and could never fill in gap
then was in a trap
Four F's
fanatic we found
frustrating and full of fear
tired with fatigue
Does any of this sound
familiar.
Jim Horn
Clancy's pub had cut me off, said no more pints for me
I knew he was mistaken, I was sober as could be
So I climbed off of the bar stool and headed for the door
And much to my surprise found I was laying on the floor
I crawled to the front entrance and stood up with some care
Opened up the portal and then fell down the front stair
I crawled up to a lamppost and clammered to my feet
But after taking one step, I fell into the street
I only lived a block away, so on me knees I stayed
Crawling down the sidewalk, twas slow progress that I made
At last I reached me cottage and made it to the door
I pulled meself up, opened it and sprawled upon the floor
Somehow I got up the stairs and rolled into the bed
Me knees hurt like the devil, there was a pounding in me head
When I woke up next morning, I was an awful sight
Me pant legs were all shredded, I looked like I'd lost a fight
“It's drunk again you were last night” I heard my wife declare
“How would you know if I was drunk, you weren't even there”
“The barkeep, he just called me and asked me how you are”
“And said that I should tell you, your wheelchairs at the bar”
Always liked this joke and decided to put it to rhyme.
An Irishman with a syndrome
Climbed onto my roof like a gnome
Said I with a stare
What thou wants isn’t there
Drinks are not on the house in this home!
Church Folk
Church folk will hug you, love you
And throw a knife in that new coiffure
Church folk ain’t no joke.
They will definitely talk about
you when you are broke.
Some of them are dancing on Friday,
into Saturday night.
Getting to church on Sunday in the daylight.
Feet still stepping, pepping, body swaying to
music of their time, breath still
smelling like last night’s wine.
Sunday evening playing horseshoes
chugging down the home brews.
Church folk ain’t no joke.
They roll their eyes.
while they tell you lies.
Church folks shout, dance and stomp
to the ghost.
Seeing who can dance the most,
and gossiping while eating
that Sunday roast.
Church folk ain’t no joke
Polishing that door knob,
at the same time coveting your job
Twisting that knife
While lusting after your life.
Church folks ain’t no joke.
A Joke on Ellie!
There once was a boatman named “Ellie”
Laughter jiggled his belly like jelly.
He was a fun loving bloke.
That loved to play jokes.
Guess who played one on him; it was Kelly!
The joke that she played was great fun.
After his shave and a hair comb was done,
She carefully groomed his big feet.
His snoring soon meant he did sleep.
Toenails UN-grimed, painted bright red…deed done!
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
February 22, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick x2
Written in memory of my Grandfather. Kelly is fictitious (smiles) but the story is not.
My bride and I on a pub crawl
Near a bar my brain can't recall
Mnemonic power!
I'm thinking "thorned flower"
Which spot dear Rose sells the alcohol?