Best Jock Poems

Jock always wore a sporran and kilted
Wore a clan tartan hat that looked quilted
But couldn't cope with the stares 
And so now trousers he wears
Cos everything below has now wilted... 

Word got round the town now everyone knows 
Why Jock has taken to wearing strange...

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Actually saw my first robin today
Gayly flitting from branch to branch
Please don't tell my super jock friends
They're just waiting for a chance

They'll start calling me “sweetie pie”
And kissing me on the cheek
Ask if they could escort me to the ball
And giving my nose a wee...

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There was once a Scotsman called Jock
Who was always stroking his cock
But when the clock struck ten
He then turned to his hen
The egg basket is now restocked





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05/07/2014...

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A bad play
On a deep and dark September
Gazing from these bleachers
To that ref who blew that call
On a freshly painted court in the middle of fall

I am A Jock
I am A Flock


I've got balls
A fortress deep and plenty
That none will discinagrate
For friendship brings me joy
It's...

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Each day that I get up and greet the new dawn
Posing at the mirror,first..to see what changes have been going on
My eyes cannot look at what lies before me
55'waist on a 5ft 7 frame
These hands reach into the old treasure chest in the closet
I open...

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There once was a dim witted tight end
For his rump he would make no amends
But into his jock
Well, he stuffed a sock
Why he’d do that I can’t comprehend?...

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Thrifty Scots made a new High Street
from plastic trash folk used to eat
The USA
Won't pave that way
Trump claims that oil just can't be beat!...

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When you left, you left a legacy
Everyone knows that Jock is legendary
Wiltshire told you, you were a star
In the news for several weeks
Longing for you, but she’s still strong
Loving you more since you’ve been gone
Memories are all good
In our hearts you’ll remain
Smile that could light...

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I ran the 10K marathon.
At once I knew I’d chosen wrong.
My heart and lungs on fire,
I thought I might expire.
Next time I’ll safely watch from home.




9/03/2020...

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Hilary Billary Shmock
The lady is purebred shlock

She 'Bill-ked' the Nation
Via Libyan abdication

Hilary Billary Thwock
Her tongue's a nerveless nock

She squawks and squawks
Paranoid deplorables-crock

Hilary Billary Shlock
Give her the old hemlock!


       April 15, 2019
A Realistic Hilary Clinton Poem contest
  Sponsor: Michael...

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There once was a college sports jock,
Whose exterior was as hard as a rock.
   But inside beat the heart
   Of a connoisseur of fine art,
Whose colors he wore like a peacock....

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JOCK     AND     HIS     DOG

Once knew a Scottish dancing geezer
Accidentally locked his dog in the freezer:
Seems the animal had just spilt
Some curds and  milk all over his kilt:
Must have soaked right through ...

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Winter has arrived with a freaking cold blast
Could have been warned it's sure a jolt to our ass
Wearing shorts and a tank top
Woolies and tuques we now swap 
The top models for style and eloquence I surpass...

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its why am in shake
foe heaven sake
to should do too
get a a book get hook
when you'll start
get out and
JOCK...

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In the name of Prank
What are we doing?
Abusing and humiliating
Flirting and dating
Pushing and pulling
Trolling and mocking
Slapping and thoking
Subscribing and sharing
Spitting and daring
Attacking and throwing
What are we doing?
Where are we going?
I will never fit in. That's one of my best qualities. Terri Willingham....

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