Best Horrendously Poems
I relate this story from my room in the Quiet Vale Giggling Academy
A reader might find my story hard to believe
BUT!
At one time in my life –
As a matter of fact quite recently –
I had just finished Dr. Doolittle’s great study
‘Talk to the Animals”
And after several months of following Doolittle’s observations
Found I could actually understand animal talk
Which was really just grunts growls and bodily motions –
Tail switches
Chop-licking
Lurches
Farts
Things such as that
Quite by accident
While walking in the woods one day
I happened on a scene
A robin told me was ‘animal court’
Resided over by Judge Grump
At once I noticed a huge lion
Seated on a stump
His heavy tail thumping the back of the stump
“When Grump thumps the stump court will come to order
And when Grump thumps the stump all better listen!” sang the robin
There were a number of spectators -
Squirrels
Possums
Raccoons
Deer
Birds
All chattering at once
So that Grump had to thump the stump many times
Growling horrendously till they stopped chattering
There was no jury
No lawyers
Just this marvelously striped tiger
Tail down
Standing in front of Grump seated on his stump
I assumed the tiger was the defendant
The lion judge began with a thump of the stump
“You are accused of eating your best friend
Is that correct?”
The tiger swished his tail
“Yes”
“A dachshund named Stretch
Is that correct?”
The tiger swished his tail
“Yes’
“Sad” the lion judge continued
“You were reported to have done everything together –
Touched noses
Sniffed out-holes
Even wrestled together
Such fine friends
What could have caused such an action on your part?”
At this point the attending group began chattering vigorously
The lion judge Grump thumped the stump
Thumped
And thumped
As thumping the stump wasn’t loud enough he growled
Finally the crowd quieted
“How could you do such a thing to your friend Stretch
I’m stumped.”
The tiger looked around
Eyes blazing
Jowls dripping
Gorgeous stripes undulating blazing in the sun
Tail swishing in manner of reply
“I was hungry” he said
“Case dismissed!” said Grump
With a thump of the stump!
Horrendously explosive nimble ball juggler
Athletic and Ever-Attacking game shuffler
Maradona upgraded and improved version
Awesomely admiring soccer surgeon
Ruthless with the heart and strength of a Lion
Devours the opponent with the boot of an iron
Sitting there,
With that empty stare,
Staying still,
Going nowhere,
You have lost all hope,
The will to live,
The pain clenches your heart,
Sitting there,
In the dark,
You stare at her,
Your lost love,
Sitting in the armchair,
As cruel as life can be,
Why did god take you,
So violently from me,
I thought our love was forever,
Until the doctors told me otherwise,
Weeks not months to celebrate,
With so many tears in our eyes,
A wicked disease,
Has left me,
Mourning my soul mate,
Sitting in a dark room,
With that empty stare,
Longing and wishing for my love,
To be found opposite me,
In her favourite armchair.
Sitting there,
With an empty stare,
Remaining still,
Going nowhere,
You have lost all hope,
Your way to live,
The pain cannot be felt no more,
Sitting there,
At the crossroads,
Staring painfully,
At the old wreath of flowers,
Sitting in the wheelchair,
As cruel as life can be,
Why did god take you,
So horrendously from me,
I thought our love was forever,
The drunk driver took you away,
Hurtling into our car,
On a perfect sunny day,
A wicked man,
Has scarred me,
And mourning my soul mate,
Sitting paralyzed at that crossroads,
With that empty stare,
Longing and wishing for my love,
To come back to me,
And take me away from this wheelchair.
As cruel as life can be,
The future we can never see,
Nothing seems to be forever,
No matter how much we pray,
Or hope that is so,
As cruel as life can be,
Our dreams and visions,
Are evaporated in a twisted,
Roll of dice,
When deaths hand reaches out,
No religion or science can save you,
Time to go,
Hardly time to say goodbye,
Hold on to our memories,
When you forget how to cry,
Don’t ever forgot the one you lost,
As cruel as life can be,
Tearing away veils of hope,
And leading you to insanity,
So mourn you loved ones,
But don’t let life bring you down,
It is not over until it’s over!
© Darren Hobson September 2015
Head hurts horrendously
Thundered thoughts throb
Manic mind melts
Bizarre brainwaves beckoning
Whatever wanders wayward
Furiously fueling falsehoods
Deepening demented delusions
Alliteration contest/Dr.Ram Mehta
7/07/2014
By:Greg Hoffman
Whenever in the company of his trusted friends
St. Paul Lafargue had always said:
"I sure hope I never get a sainthood someday
- That would be supremely lame for an atheist
In any day and age."
The man was modestly honest - If not honestly modest
So I did everything I possibly could
To make sure we would celebrate his feast day,
Every-single-friggin-day!
I ran all the way straight to Vatican City,
Where I skinned all which remains
Of my horrendously disfigured knees
After tripping over my own two feet and half a sheet of LSD
- That's when I said: "Serves me right for not taking it easy."
"Jesus I'm witty!" I was nervously thinking,
as I picked broken grass
and bubble gum
Out from under
My gaping wounds - "My God,
I don't have any time for this modern-day humdrum!"
I defiantly said as I proceeded ahead
Demonstrating little more concern
For my previously acquired gangrene
Than I did for my recently sustained ruptured spleen...
...So to make a long-story painlessly short
And to keep all threats of (comedic) violence
Condensed to a marginal fault,
All that I really had to say was this:
"So; How about it? What do ya say?"
- After smashing up the whole place
With a couple of my favorite teamsters
- And that was just about that!
Paul Lafargue had been canonized
All for a philosophical laugh!
- I must've cracked every single situational gag
His Holiness had been expecting to be pulled
Straight outta my brimstone hat!
I guess it's true what I hear everybody say:
The Pope is behaving far too liberal these days.
So the next time the stupid boss comically asks:
"Why is you writin'?! - Why ain't 'cha workin'?!"
Tell them as many times over as it may take
Until it fully absorbs into their tyrannical brain:
"I refuse to work when I don't really wanna;
It comes on like a hunger, sometime, after lunchtime."
She throws her head back
And let's out from her small mouth
A huge, loud, boisterous, horrific,
But beautiful, rip-roaring, ear-splitting sneeze.
I think to myself
Where can such a petite, quiet, demure, classy lady
Get the energy to snort like a jet breaking the sound barrier?
Where does all her energy come from?
Yet doing the dishes exhausts her????
Once her sneeze drowned out a trash truck going by.
When I see her cherubic face scrunch and her nose redden
Like Rudolph’s of Santa fame, I know it’s coming.
Then the deafening sound
Followed by spray that covers the room like mist
(that was before the Corona virus showed its ugly face)
She looks at me defiantly,
“Did ‘ja like that one?” she jokes.
“That was magnificent, Gorgeous,” I say,
“But first, let me wipe the blood from my ears.”
Don't get me wrong, she is the world to me.
My personal angel from heaven.
When I asked God,”When can I have a mate, Lord?”
He left and in a flash returned,
"There she is.”
What I saw was a magnificent sight.
She stood in all her glory, in her birthday suit, eyes wide open,
I said, "You are indeed a benevolent God."
He said, “She’s yours. Now go way and don’t bother me.”
And disappeared.
I wanted her and I got her, she’s my cutie pie
and I love her with all the love that's in me
She’s my soul mate beyond eternity, beyond whatever comes next,
Including her horrific, ear busting sneezes.
It is up to our hearts
to arrive at noble feelings
and walk with them
all the way up
to noble thoughts.
The fields are laden
with rips horrendously
unmended
Will it be availed
to mend them
without surrender?
Come brother and walk
with me when you can
into a better place
in which dreams
are supported
by realities
not baffled by them.
Come brother and talk
with me as much as
the truth can speak
against their wounds
and crimes.
Come brother and take
good care of your health
for the journey is long.
It is a journey of life
not that of those
who tell you not to go
and tell me not to come.
Come brother and don't
tell me about what ails you
for what ails you ails me too.
We will walk and work and talk
together, not apart, together.
Chokri Omri
When I was 19 years old
I collapsed on my twin size collegiate bed
With my head in my hands
And I sobbed
Because for the first time in my shallow existence
My carefully curated victim complex was shattered
And I realized
I
Was not a good person
Cross my heart and hope to die
Because I chose to screw my face in a permanent sneer at anyone who dared to get to close for my comfort zone
I wore my pain like armor
Without realizing
...that
was heavy ...
And the walls I put up became my isolation chamber
And in a crowd of friends I was alone
Pity party for 1
And we can pit past against past
And play the world's longest game of
Who had it worse
And I though I was self-assured the gold medal in one-up-manship
But I was just smothering daisies
Trying desperately to grow in the black tar cracks in my heart
Running from sunshine
Still believing I'd find someone to be my light in the darkness I loved
As though it wasn't horrendously selfish
To expect my poor unfortunate soulmate to be the crutch I was hell bound to crush
As though I could keep extinguishing the lights of others because I wanted my nights blackest black
Because life's colors hurt my eyes
Because the pain was comfortable when it was bottled up and binge drank like moonshine
I had become the world's best extinguisher
Sour-faced joy-sucker
Begging for a light in my darkness
Then snuffing it out again and again
Always expecting someone else to
Re-light it
And I'm here selling my soul to this microphone because I know I'm not the only professional extinguisher
And it takes one to know one
So if you find yourself
On a twin-sized bed with your head in your hands sobbing
Know
That dark
will always lead to dawn
And you can learn to love yourself with the lights on
CAN ONE BE ARRESTED FOR SCREAMING "LIAR" IN A CROWDED CHURCH?
You pious people in your pews
All you reading about the arrival of some wondrously good news
A new horizon can’t you see?
Well imagine you were with my wife, beloved daughter and me
We three had left together but suddenly were four
And I’m not certain about much more
Four in the quietude of dripping rain
No one letting go of the pinching pain
because only the rain deserves such disdain
We picked up a hitchhiker as into rough waters we’d wade
And the gentleman told us to please call him ‘Suade’
A human storm by madness made
And then he made us walk blindly through the wood
Until he told us to stay precisely where we stood
in the wilderness it is a mean and uncertain gamble
As you amble through the briars and the brambles
You need to possess a lot of fortitude
Because the icy winds are oftentimes too rude
Suddenly Suede swung with a swipe and that’s when my hope and strength were to fade
He rose up like an oak in a forest of fear and I opposing Suade
A madman, a maniac, a massacre made
And in that infinitesimal and infinite second, although I am a pacifist, I could have killed Suede
Then suddenly the fighting was done
As Suede arose and I just wanted us all to run
And doth did both men huddle close to his opponent
While adding Suede’s scent akin to camel dung to the troubles of his component
There were three of us and he was only one
But the one who wields the power also wields a gun
His mind was set on our flower of a daughter whom he decided to pluck
Now let’s all go out to find her,
yeah, lots of luck
Suddenly he just stole our baby away
Away I say, and gone perhaps for ever and good
Hidden In a new area, in a brand new neighborhood
All we wanted to do was give a ride and fill a need to help the needy
But some men are seedy and too many of them are greedy
His scowl was darkness, his blackish eyes seemed way too dim
And that’s virtually all we can remember of him
While the police find not the culprit in a world of the gross and the grim
My wife and I were defenseless and both our hearts were horrendously hurt
Oh and that’s what brought about the sorrowful phrase an “Amber Alert”
© 2011...Poefree
I brooded and pondered upon the matter pensively
A revengeful delight as SATAN'S might burnt to embers
While damning others lives, the vixen's tongue slithered smoothly
Her FUTURE plans poisonously clouded our family
Fire, blood, scissored clothes found their way in horrendously
Had read about the protective rings from our saviours
Faith in unchanging destiny made me pray fervently
And trust in the self testified against voodoo destroyers
The SAPPHIRE rock that our family treasures guardingly
Fortified the BLOODLINE from evil eye of beguilers
Bouncing back on the covetous even more ruthlessly
CREATIVE efforts of prayers obliterated connivers
Satan's, Future, Sapphire, Bloodline, Creative
14 syllables per line
June 2, 2016)
Timothy Hicks
a Pondering Moment
in the sensual hours of day...or night
can horrendously ache the mind
for every passing thought
leaves a sense of humane torment…or delight
they can ostensibly liquefy the heart
a split second of silence leads us back to the days
that we love so very much…or hate
and oh! how they tear ourselves apart
But we need them
These moments…
Keep us alive…or dead
O Fault!
Horrendously I believed, a man solitary,
Was real alive stood, aftermath Tsunami.
On top of a roof, standing overwhelming,
Looking towards wreckage and towns’ declining.
Devastation of property, food water shortage,
Ancestral heritage, swept away by chase.
Culturally rich even, 100 years liven,
No escape what to do, in front of threat.
Earthquake shook foundation, with nine Rector Scales,
Tsunami you remained disheartened in mid of wails.
You forgot to wait albeit; they’re previously swept,
Probably tremor sent message, to frozen Japan the best.
World remained sterilized, forgetting heavenly shape,
Life swallowed grief, at the mid of deface.
Such irrational calamities, occurred upon lives,
Stop genocide heading, towards human’s face.
Without noticing, why did you demolish race?
Love us then only, we stir to generate lives,
Otherwise we’ve to chain sack, for next sister planet.
We’re poor creature, you’re great genuine,
Bureaucracy impinged, havoc terminating shrine.
O fault! Mind your business, if you want life to begin.
The slimy backend of the American Dream
Coming to a screeching halt on an anonymous highway
The AC Press horrendously portrays the days events
Why do people read this discharge?
Isnt the same reason celebrity disaster magazines
Line every shelf of the checkout at the grocery?
This newspaper is the equivalent
Of a chain smoking, saggy faced
Ex waitress
With her uterus removed
Playing the lotto
And heading to Atlantic City
To get emulsified with alcohol
the coasts are the skin of bodies
that hold secrets like a thousand year-old book--
a language unknown;
lustful and ethereal,
yet earthly all the same.
sunken treasures
and treasures from its womb
will never emerge--
only sparkle for kilometers
and glisten for years
under a thick layer of dust
known as the ocean we know.
it sometimes gifts long-lost rings and dolls,
and it sometimes can't hold back
hostile teeth and dismembered guts.
it is afraid of us and itself,
but we will never be scared
and never be impatient
as the drift along the never-ending sea
is horrendously long
and horrendously arcane, intriguing, and breath-taking.
there aren't always storms,
but the waves sometimes kiss the boat
and the lightning sometimes peeks at the fog below,
wishing it could touch it.
but anything is and will be possible
in something never-ceasing,
because without an end,
there is only a journey
through every feasible thing you could plan,
and every unfeasible thing you can create.
Hold On Tightly, When Life Takes Its Great Leaps And Bounds
Hold on tightly, when life takes its great leaps and bounds
this old blue marble is not all sweet virgin ground
strewn about are horrendously nasty pitfalls
awaiting the fruits of world's constant tempting calls
to dive right on in and never mind the dark sin
after all, are we not modern, enlightened men?
As wise, old philosophers great advice once gave.
" Be wise now, for waits only a dark lonely grave".
Hold on tightly, raging world ever faster spins
as its current master, the dark one sits and grins
but modern man believes not in such fairy tales
or an afterlife, or chasing a Holy Grail
so dive right in, these waters are so very fine
and on your new, bright golden plates you too shall dine!
As wise, old philosophers great advice once gave.
" Be wise now, for waits only a dark lonely grave".
Robert J. Lindley, July 02, 2022
Rhyme
Note:
This is a heavy rewrite of a poem that I composed back in 1977,
at age 23 and after going through a very troublesome time in my young life...