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Anxiety (The Worst Noose In Town)
-- like flooding waters, creeping in
I count 30, seconds, holding my breath again
Drowning in agitation, overwhelmed by fear
I try to hide the pressure in hopes I don't pass out
My pores are soaked, from all the perspiration
I feel the pins and needles pushing in
My skin is ruined from all the peeling
At this point, I can't seem to win
Washed out by dead hope and desire
My soul is lost searching for a shore
leashing, grasping and ripping the chest wide
I count 40, seconds, once nausea can't be blocked
Everything about this moment is driving me mad,
I need to escape, however, my knees are too weak
I tremble while losing control to the emotional distress
My knuckles are pale, detached from reality,
wounds forced with further embarrassment.
Guaranteed failure surrounds my day
Numbness strikes my very essence - I can't move!
Lost in a room,
Therapy - even so I feel singled out
HAPPY VALENTINES (it can get the best of us)
---------------------------- love Linda
Anxiety, Anxiety-
you creep, you lurk, you worry me
Mangy monster under my bed
on all my fears you must be fed
and when I try to starve you out
you stab me with a blade of doubt
You sneaky, scurrilous, savage beast
I don't hate you, but I like you least!
You are not cute or cuddly
why do I let you cling to me?
You're ugly and you're worrisome
you drain my joy and leave me glum
Anxiety, Anxiety-
I hear you've achieved notoriety
evidently I'm not the only one
you'll hassle them all before you're done!
'Though, I don't see how you find the time
to carry out your heinous crime...
For all day long, and nighttime, too
a hovering pest, too big to “shoo”
you hang around and taunt me fierce
by dangling daggers with which to pierce
I tremble in my delicate skin
but chin stuck out, I'm determined to win
Anxiety, Anxiety-
you will not get the best of me!
You've wasted enough of my precious years
you deserve no sympathy or tears
like the monster you are, you'll be destroyed
I've armed myself with the likes of Freud
While you watch me, I'll study you more...
know your every weakness- for this is war!
I'll vanquish you for once and all
I've armored up for the bloody brawl
but hey- what's this, a hasty retreat?
Don't tell me that you admit defeat!
No Anxiety, Anxiety-
you're devious, sly and slippery
Before you let me kill you off
you slink away to smirk and scoff
knowing full well that you'll come back
to get me with a sneak-attack!
Alice in Wonderland
Was my favorite book as a kid
I used to pretend that I was Alice
Having tea with the Mad Hatter
And the March Hare
But now I pretend that I am the Mad Hatter
For my mind is unhinging itself
Breaking away from reality
Till I can no longer recall
What is real and what is a dream
My emotions often get the best of me
But I have learned to smother them
But sometimes like a pot on the stove
It boils over and out
And I can't contain it
My mind is and becomes a freight train
Ramming itself against my skull
At 8, 11, at 1 in the morning
It is constantly running
And it never stops
I can't tell anyone about this
They'll think I'm insane
But what can I say
My mind is my own Wonderland
And I am but just the Mad Hatter
footsteps aimlessly
walking on their trails
beaten down and broken
shiny as the rails
the rails of the train
over used and rusted
crumbling ignored
the system that you trusted
the silence of conformity
the quiet crying song
of people lost in apathy
monotony so long
the old man remembered
the booming days of old
and tried to warn the youngster
with stories he had told
the young man in the t shirt
can hear no warning cries
television cataracts
covering his eyes
commoners injected
with complacent misdemeanors
fed intravenously
from mass media feeders
the heretics will scream
with no one to hear their call
the working slaves will perish
society will fall
in the pulpit yelling
mystifying lies
sweating like a demon
with fire in his eyes
passing round a dish
to collect the workers' wage
saving souls ain't easy
so he sets a stage
profiting from fear
preparing them for death
comfort is a business
says his liquor breath
on the front row fanning
the woman says amen
waiting for the bell
so she can live in sin
forgiveness is a blessing
that god will give to few
surely she'll be one
when her life is through
the child in the classroom
with the curious mind
will be beaten and conditioned
until she too is blind
"trust in the system"
is the motto that they teach
"question nothing,
so higher you can reach"
the land of the free
the home of the brave
only for those of us
content with being slaves
some will stand on street corners
holding big white signs
telling of injustice
held beneath our sights
but those who throw the bombs
which burn society down
those will be the shakers
for true freedom to be found
but the sheep still continue
to justify their life
ignoring others torment
blind to their strife
perpetuating failure
selling bankers souls
to keep on consuming
to get the best remote control
to build themselves a shield
what kind of life is this
numbness is a virtue
and ignorance is bliss
Marry Your Best Friend To Get the Best of Both Worlds
Not many can claim they met their spouse in a battle of wits
much less the fabled (don't believe a word of it!) Internet.
But my uncle, he's not many. And my new aunt? Well she's a keeper.
And it wasn't love like a summer fling --- but it goes much deeper.
The rumors you heard - it's all too true - they met on Online Scrabble:
sesquipedalians by heart, but in the strictest sense, true Word Warriors.
Her last turn was an "I Do"... and when it came, he knew that he was done for:
pussyfooting through the back door, the tenacious Triple Word Score.
The date was planned - his bachelorhood canned. Compensated on Christmas day,
a wifie from Wales to tie the knot with my uncle the Stud from the Spud State.
The Red Dragon Damsel flew in (too strong to be distressed) into my uncle's country life.
(I still remember his clenched fists pouring buckets at the altar ... his first love)
And she brought her little Dragoness, too --- a fiery spark named Emily.
My job was to walk my new British cousin down the aisle,
as she whispered to me, "Should we link arms?"
And though I should have said, "What's the harm?"
instead of a rather robotic canter --- it now brings a smile.
My lovely Aunt Laura wore an eggplant dress, as if too challenge the mountain majesty
that peaked through the church window of that fine Idahoan morn.
Her glorious entry introduced by a Celtic song that would have made Enya weep,
as the vertigo of vows came to a close like a caged bird being released.
Mariah Carey's famous Christmas hit took to life --- All I Want Is You, rang true,
as they took each other's arms to dance celebrating an unlikely circumstance.
Crossing oceans to become One: she from Barry, and he from Boise.
The After Party --- filled with giggles, tears and rip-roaring stories from every point of view.
The wedding cake (believe it or not) was a Scrabble board:
one slice was Congratulations - and though a bit silly, to me it was poetry.
And my uncle - you could tell - was simply dumbfounded
as she took the words right out of his mouth
... with a crumb-filled smooch.
Written February 27th, 2016.
For the My Wedding Day Is Special Because... hosted by Olive Eloisa Guillermo
NOTE: I've never been married before, so I hope writing about my uncle's wedding instead is acceptable.
We are strong and may be brave, We
keep our Emotions locked in a Cave.
As we were young growing to a
mature age some of our Fathers
stayed to help raise, While other
Wannabe fathers left far far away.
We may be lost flying through thick
haze and pouring Rain, Some of us
just search for a nurturing embrace.
We are referred to as Dogs and that
we are all the same, We go through
Hell and beyond to prove that we are
not that mislead stray.
We endure countless Battles as we
travel through rough terrains, At
times our tempers get the best of us
and fuel our Hearts with Rage.
The song of a Woman's Voice seems
to calm our inner raging Beast, At
times we are rejected when we're on
a bended knee.
It takes a lot for a Man to cry and
when we cry we look towards the
sky, We look for answer asking for a
sign.
When a Man cries we sometimes
choose to hide, Cause we can no
longer deal with the Pain inside. ©™
By : Shawn Munoz
The continuous memories scattered inside my mind
All the laughter and loving scenes are left behind
Leaving a life of bad possibilities where I came from
Never getting a chance to show how I overcome
Although it was bad I left something more important
A mother’s smile a little brother and my childhood
The moments that made me hide and stay quiet
Never understood but always wished I could
I wished and watched my life past before my eyes
Hearing lonely nights of my father’s cries
All the women who watched and waited
For the chance their love’ll be overrated
The beating of your heart crashing your chest
Hope dad knows how much I tried
All the women in and out and never get the best
He tried to hide the feeling with lies
Flashback to the present to resist
pain and a missed checklist
A little girl who was 4 and now 14
Looking at the past to see what it means and what she missed
I’m sorry for not helping when I could
you say it’s not my fault but it should
The countless things that way tons and ounces
Becomes the burned wall that my life announces
My life in the present is a closed book of rejection and regret
I Work harder in the present than in the past,
without a chance to wipe off the sweat,
Without a chance to make the good memories last
All I’m told is to let it go and let the past be the past
But how am I supposed to forget so soon and so fast?
As much as I try I continue to flashback to those moments
Knowing that even if I do forget, my life won’t have enjoyment
I continue to flashback and come back to the present
There will be no change without consent
As I laced up my tennis shoes
I hurried to meet up with you
and ran to find you getting off the bus
And when I saw you standing there
in uniform so debonair
I was hoping everyone would notice us
As you picked up your duffel bag
we walked, and you took off your cap
and put it on my forehead just for fun
And as my curiosity
began to get the best of me
I asked you if you’d ever shot a gun
My mother said that you’d been gone
you’d gone to fight in Vietnam
I couldn’t have been no more than nine or ten
With pride I walked right next to you
And wondered if you felt it too
Or would you feel anything again?
A week ago I wrote a list of reasons on why I should take my life
Two days ago I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder
Today I had major suicidal thoughts and cried for three hours
All of this happened in a span of time
Today is where I realized that I have bipolar but bipolar does not own me
I got out of bed
I made breakfast
I took a shower
I tidied my room
I drank tea and focused on my studies
I did some notes
I read my current book
But most importantly I moved
I did not stay in one place and let my thoughts take over my state of mind
My illness does not define who I am or who I will be
Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar are just a fraction of me
They are characteristics of mine that can be treated and tamed
Mental health is always so quietly put under the rug
Like clothes thrown on that chair in our rooms
If we have a cold we stay home until we get better
However, when we feel the slightest despair
Get over it
Is all we hear
When all we should hear
Is
It’s okay
Work on yourself
Get to know yourself
Learn how to communicate with yourself
Find help
Talk to someone you trust
Because getting over something
Is easier said than done
Until that exact person is in your shoes
Then there is no getting over anything
There is only denial, suffering, and finally acceptance
I will never let my illness get the best of me
Correction: I will try my best to not let my illness get the best of me
The darkest clouds will always rain
But we have the choice to whether use our umbrellas or not
Take your medications
Don’t keep thoughts inside
How devastating it is that we keep smiling our suffering
When all we want to do is scream
Scream
Scream loud and clear
Speak
Please Speak
A memory is found in the back of my mind
That I thought was stored away
It's creeping back in, without my approval
Oh why would it treat me this way
I keep thinking about that bean juice
But it's not what you people may think
Get your minds out of that smelly gutter
For it has nothing to do with the stink
See, we were singing at this fundraiser
Kind of an all you can eat buffet
What happened next was a nightmare
And I keep trying to forget that day
As I went down the line, with plate in hand
The soup beans were all I could see
Since my mother died, the beans were scarce
For my wife wouldn't make them for me
My plate was full, as my heart leapt with joy
From this promising prize that I'd found
I know what you're thinking so stop it!
It has nothing to do with that sound
The place that I'd chosen to sample this treat
Was packed like a can of sardines
But I was in a hurry to find my seat
So I could get to those wonderful beans
At the front of the table sit a famous guest
A popular radio D J
Though try as I might the path was too tight
As my bean juice had found his toupee
Now with beans in my plate and egg on my face
I had only myself to blame
For three beans with juice sat on top of his head
As my wife hid her poor face in shame
I mean what could I say to comfort this man
As my meal sat on top of his head
So I just bit my tongue and walked away
And hoped he didn't notice instead
Well my guilt would get the best of me
As I approached him later that day
I reach for his hand, and say I'm sorry my friend
For I've spilled bean juice on top your toupee
Well, the man wasn't happy to say the least
And I really can't blame him at all
For I'm stuck in this slow motion memory
As I watching that bean juice fall
Well, that's my story and all of it's true
Maybe one day that memory will pass
See, I told you this story was not what you thought
For it had nothing to do with gas
Can't seem to hold it in
Don't want to hide it anymore
Have to let it show
Let them all know
What's in my heart
I don't care what they think
Don't want to be caught in the drama
Can't let the chaos get the best of me
Must take a hold of my life
Don't want to be caged up
While the world passes by
Like the majestic dragonfly
It's time I open the door
With my own strength
To unlock the lock
Setting me free to take flight
To go off to find my happiness
If the world finds me strange
I'll take is as a compliment
Your words just make me strong
You'll never chip my soul
Don't tell me what path to take
Only I choose my own road
Obstacles that come my way
I have to learn to overcome
Mistakes can be corrected
Seeking answers to questions
A Person must grow on their own
Facing their own battles
That people don't understand
Can't let the chains of oppression
Bring me down in depression
Only I can break free of the constraints
If I wish to embrace my destiny
Let the world deal with their issues
I won't let the dissonance get me
Have to focus on the task at hand
Embracing my dreams by letting go
Fell back off of the wagon
This, old ass been draggin’ now..for years
Tween the whiskey and the worry
The, always in a hurry and the beers
Guess the seats were just too small
The, loneliness of last call
Always seemed to get the best of me
Now I’m a bitter man whenever I look back
On who I used to be
From a father to my daughter
To a, why’d you even bother
I’ve sank just like a ship out on the sea
And I’m a bitter man whenever I look back
On who I used to be
Meetings told me, that once I was I’d always be
12 steps away from possessing, the darker side I fleed
It only took one reason, for me to keep believing
I’ll never be the man I was
Or who I used to be
I’ve been changed from a man into a memr’y
And my road to sober never seemed to be so long
I’m guessing, had she kept me, instead of having left me
I wouldn’t be here drinkin’
And writing you a song
I’ll never be the man I was
Or who I used to be
I try so hard not to fall
stay strong for my family stand tall
I no longer can take it
stress I cannot shake it at all
I know one day in this life
I will make it
make it out the gutter
my sisters and brothers
my son and daughter
my mother and father
my aunts and uncles
my cousins nieces and nephews
dont let life get the best of you
stress will test the best
we argue fight than go to bed mad
get no rest but none the less
what do you expect
no family is perfect
on this earths surface
we fight each other with no purpose
for things we did on purpose
why?
give me reasons why?
family's split apart
here I will sit down
go ahead start
spill your heart
and I will listen to every part.
January has pocketed frosted dreams
Firmly tucked away, hidden under her black ice
Her treacherous blizzards torment the foolhardy
Many driving too fast on her hills should know better
In a heavily prayer-scented car
A risk-taking older cigar-smoking woman twirls around on the ice
Finally landing with a splat, slamming into a steel embankment
Her days on earth over now
bitterer than any rejected suiter, the incredible storm picks up
The woman's Ford is covered in mounds of wet heavy snow
This is a desolate road, people do not see the wreck for hours
Nine One One is called, but it is too late.
This smoke has words that escape me actually
The EMT says, as he reaches the scene
I see no smoke, his unaware partner replies
Not seeing the haze that is taking the lady’s soul to heaven
i won't let cancer get the best of you
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
Posted on May 13, 2019