Best Fire Extinguisher Poems
There was once a georgeous brunette
Whilst shopping broke into a sweat
Her desire for a new toy
Gave her palpitations of joy
And her longing to be a duet
~ ~ ~
So in search for her smooth operator
She decides to go for the greater
"Give me that one on the wall
It's the best one of all"
Sorry madam, that's the fire extinguisher
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-3.php
Since I'm vegan and don't eat any meat
I say I hate jalapeno peppers because of their heat
making my tongue, throat and sinuses feel like their on fire
needing a fire extinguisher to put out the pyre,
I'd jump up and fan my face for relief
thinking this will help get rid of the heat
then run to the sink to douse the flame
with my eyes and face all red making me look insane,
Making me realize I can't handle eating these hot peppers
now much preferring the kind that are mild tempered
yes after this bad experience I now have it made
avoiding jalapeno peppers as if they were the plague.
1-7-17
Ah! Four walls, one ceiling, one floor,
a window, two doors, one restroom
no bed, tons of roaches, one chair
no ashtrays, no TV, no radio
one leaking shower faucet
one clogged sink
one triple sofa
one fridge
one fan
Ah!
zero flip flops
one fire extinguisher
one bookcase, two forks
two glasses, three pencils
three termites, four knives
four magazines, five socks
five strange boxes, six pears
six rat traps, seven thermometers
seven years living here, eight hours to go
Knew of this fellow named Wilber
His body parts were a little off kilter
Whenever he laughed
Flames shot out his ass
Carried around his own fire extinguisher
© Jack Ellison 2015
A Flame Once Burned
The new girl gathered her books as the class bell did ring
That’s when I noticed my heart’s spark began to fling
I followed her to physical Ed
I wanted to say hi but my boldness fled
Shafted by my own lack in doubting
Afraid her truth sparks would be most disheartening
Next to the fire extinguisher the cafeteria door I did wait
Fueling flame of passion my thoughts which did innovate
I spied her and lingered the more inflamed
But the bow’s arm she tightly did clang
Sadly diminished my heart’s heaping flame
I stood at the door as she and he did pass
This flame which once burned seemingly did not last
Sadden and chard what had flamed so brightly
I bowed my head to walk away drably
But oh, I now gaze upon a most delightful redhead
Perhaps the flame again for her could instead
By Mark A. Goodson
12/3/12
Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained.
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head.
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made.
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled.
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite.
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?
In reality i should be fat
With the amount of Birthday Cake
In ever increasing cricles i now consume
And i should keep fire extinguisher by my bedside
Because of the amount of lit candles my age doth now denominate
For i now celebrate a birthday what seems like every other morning
I could not wait to turn 16
Then waited an age to turn 18
And eternity to turn 21
But now that i am in my late 40's
Revising age has thus taught me
Time is burning up exponentially
And more and more i now miss
the simple things
Like having the lung capacity
to blow out more than 30 Candles
in 1 single blow
My once upon a time
To do List
Has now become a
Bucket List
And No 1
At the Top of my List
Is no more Birthdays
No more getting older
Stop all the Clocks
I am as old as i ever wished to get
Live fast die young
Leave a respectable corpse
Unless by some Miracle
By my next Birthday i am a Millionaire
Then I'll do a few more Year's
Champagne for Everyone
Mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart
Troubling thoughts spill out like smelly discharge
You hear people say ”I’d rather trust a stone than a person”
Because people’s yes is no longer yes
Lies have become a norm for survival
Trust evaporated because of the heat
The fire started with a spark from the fire lighter
A tiny thing that grew into flames
And devour everyone around it
Victims are groaning, crying for help
But playing with fire seems normal
And no one is trying to extinguish these monster flames
Neighbors don’t feel the pain anymore
They are so badly burnt that their conscience is none receptive
To the concept of neighborly
They overlooked the fire extinguisher
With a simple instructions to guide them through the fire
For it said, love your neighbor as you love yourself
Families are grieving a devastating loss
Because it’s members are scattered all over
Like sheep without a Sheppard
For they have endorsed the idea of supremacy
And those who’ve climbed high walls to survive the scorching heat
Pushed their fellow brothers and sisters down to burn because of rivalry
Competing against one another. Why?
For they’ve overlooked a fire extinguisher with a simple instruction
Guard your tongue against sowing divisions
Relationships have huge cracks
Many tripped and fell into the cracks
Their back bones fractured causing an outcry
Fountains full of tears are overflowing
Billions of hearts are burning
Because of thoughtless speech
Thoughtless speech contaminated by self-righteousness
For we have rejected clean tongue
Full of respect and dignity
This is all because we overlooked a fire extinguisher
A powerful proverb full of wisdom
Dearth and Life is in a power of tongue
Indeed tongue is like a fire lighter
It is small yet has the power to slay or heal
If not guarded against, it can cause unstoppable fires.
When the definition of Democracy
Comes negated at both the cost
and price of freedom of speech
And being told what we can and
can not say or do
That to me then becomes an
overreach and abuse of power
Unless you let it be known to the
voting people and general public
as well
And after doing that so to notify
the editors of the dictionary and Wikipedia
But don't waste your time telling
the so called free press or media
They never let the truth get in the
way of a good story and print and
go to press on behalf of there pay
master's
It's the reason why fake news has
flurished is the scourge , bane
and curse and is so prevalent today
A modern 1st World problem
invading our brains from all
directions with subliminal
messages
Otherwise why would would
corporations make such large
election contributions or feel
the need to advertise
Beceause at the end of the day
they are businesses after all
And who but they expect bang
for there buck and a return on
there investment
There are two side's to every
story and the truth is often
somewhere in the middle
Sadly for all of us we only are
told or given one side's version
of a story
And the truth is buried
middle deep in small print
underbeath the staples
Binded hidden from prying
eye's like a fire extinguisher
encased in a glass red box
With the word's written on it
break incase of emergency
When plausible deniability is
the only excuse that will do
and make any sense at all
When you have just used
up the last of your Nine lies
And it's now a minute to the
bewitching hour of ten
And as the age old saying goes
why on earth should or would
we wish to choose the question
The news and what we have been
told if it wasn't true surely that
would not be allowed
Otherwise that means it must
have been green lit by those we
placed our trust in and voted into positions of power
And who on earth of us would
rather prefer not wish or choose to
believe
When the lines between a lie
and reality have now become so
blurred
We simply no longer can not
distinguish bettween them
‘The food’s a little spicy’ ~
Is there a fire extinguisher in the house?
‘She’s got a figure to die for’ ~
Somewhere under those layers of flab.
‘He’s aggressive, and that’s what I like in my salesmen.’ ~
A bull in a china shop looks like a ballet dancer next to him.
‘Grandma plays a mean game of hearts.’ ~
She leads with the Queen of Spades.
‘One thing about my sister. She sure is talkative.’ ~
Her ears have disappeared ever since she grew her hair long.
‘I think the boss has ‘a thing’ for oldies.’ ~
He blasts Led Zeppelin’s ‘Immigrant Song’ over the intercom all day.
‘When she sees Scott, her knees turn to mush.’ ~
That way, her knees match the rest of her body.
'I'd say that rookie is a 'can't-miss prospect.' ~
If he misses even one practice, he's off the team for good.
‘Your teeth are like stars, Zelda.’ ~
They come out every night.
Knew of this fellow named Wilber
His body parts were a little off kilter
Whenever he laughed
Flames shot out his ass
Carried around his own fire extinguisher
I’m so excited about this election
about America and our direction
We’ll trust old men
to make big decisions
elderly men
of compassion and vision
Men who were there
when the work was done
when we went to the moon
and warred in Vietnam
A glorious age is at hand
we’ll be safe in those trembling hands
One who launched a murderous insurrection*
Another who can’t even follow simple directions
They will grasp what needs to be done,
our land will be free and efficiently run
We’ll trust old men
who think with precision
to keep us safe
with complex decisions
Men who were there
when the work was done
promoting corporate advantage
and environmental damage
A glorious age is at hand
we’ll be safe in those trembling hands
I’m so excited about this election
about America and our direction
.
.
Officer, Brian D. Sicknick was murdered by rioters, beaten to death with a fire extinguisher. 113 other police officers were injured trying to protect our capital on January 6th, 2021.
Humans are a social species, the men
in white coats, whom we have been
taught to trust, persuade us. Mr. President
mills about, run-of-the-mill
if you will, running the mill of the party,
the gathering. The women, like bushels
in their bustles, bustle about, foofing
their ruffles as trivialities are exchanged,
like bites
of cake that no one wants to admit
are too small. Mrs. First Lady extinguishes
the fire with a fire extinguisher of perfume,
atomized droplets
settling on chiffon like the Pilgrims
at Plymouth Rock. The men, neatly
assembled like compact
cars fresh off the assembly line,
assemble the women, corralling them
as a herd, unleashing
the lasso when one of them makes
herself heard.
There are traits good romances require.
Two of them aren’t sarcasm and ire.
Bobby’s temper’s the worst.
Each relationship’s cursed.
Who’ll be burned in his next dumpster fire?
Big Daft Dave
With his smiley round face
Has left this life
For a maybe better place.
I'd not seen him
For many a long while
But I'll never forget
His why me smile
Or his great
Infectious grin;
Dave was never slow
At getting them in.
Too late I heard
He'd just recently passed
But he'd remained a card
To the very last.
His cremation arranged
To the nth degree
The minister said,
As it was told to me,
When asked if he would like
Any Effects put in his coffin
He apparently said
Put a fire extinguisher in
Humour me
For pity’s sake
Just in case
You’ve made a mistake
Big Daft Dave
Always loved the absurd
As he showed with those few
Almost final words.
I can see him now
With that big daft grin
At a heavenly bar
Getting his round in,
And wearing all the while
That great big daft why me smile.