Best Embarrassing Poems
A trip to a very large
and far away hospital.
I was visiting a sick member
from church, there belittled
For a wet place I felt on my pants
I sat on a drenched seat
You bet I wasn't very composed
With coffee stains to greet
My husband had sat a cuppa
down recklessly on the seat.
It had spilled~ soaked fabric cushion
Also brown chicken white meat
My face was red walking the halls.
I wasn't a debutante
Embarrassed totally
But wouldn't let it me daunt
Written: July 12, 2016
Inspired by the contest
I worked in an Insurance office and loved my job
But the manager was an idle fat slob
He’d put in expenses sheets for work he hadn’t done
And was out of the door in front of everyone
But I digress…
He asked me to call two people on the phone
Could’ve called them himself but I didn’t moan
When I saw the names of the people I thought it was a joke
Surely these couldn’t be real names of these unfortunate folk
One man was called Olaf Pratt
I saw his name and laughed at that
The second was called Mr Erdogdu
It made me think of doggy pooh on my shoe!
I picked up the phone to dial the first number
But I started to laugh, it was a real blunder
I was unable to call; all I could do was giggle
My tears flowed and how my shoulders did wiggle
I composed myself to try and make the second call
Pressed a couple of digits, but I couldn’t dial them all
For I started laughing at Mr Erdogdu’s name
I’d failed at my task it was a terrible shame
The boss came in and asked why I hadn’t called
When he saw I’d been laughing he was quite appalled
I was as red as a beetroot and had tears in my eyes
To me the names were SO funny, this fact I couldn’t disguise
Snatching the piece of paper he gave me the cold shoulder
I cringe at this memory even though now I’m so much older
Since then I’ve had friends with surnames of Moron and Looney
I’m glad I’m more mature now and not that lass that was gooney!
This poem really is based on true events but I had to make these calls on separate days and not together as in this tale … but the result was the same I couldn’t make these calls for laughing at these unfortunate names.
My most embarrassing moment Contest Sponsored by Cindi Rockwell
07~15~16
Embarrassing Moment
Mid-Sixties, I went to the shore
A hot summer day, so I wore
My handmade swimsuit
It was very cute
Expecting I was, and I swore,
It looked just as nice as can be
My tummy was covered, you see
The shorts were cut out
For belly to sprout
Top flared over shorts demurely.
At once came along a great wind
My top flew right up and chagrined
By this great surprise
To see with my eyes
My tummy exposed as bare-skinned!
But now in these new modern days
No problem with bumps that amaze
Those covered or bare
Don't bring on a stare
When dressed up in clingy arrays
Back then we were less indiscreet
Maternity clothes for the street
Were tents that flowed wide
To hide what's inside
Our bumps took a private backseat!
So when my bare belly stuck out
So shocked, I spun 'round with a shout
Grabbed towel up fast
Embarrassed, aghast
I covered it up without doubt!
Date: October 15, 2015
Contest Name: Make Me Actually LOL
Sponsor: Nina Paramenter
"Twas during the Cuban Missile Crisis of October nineteen sixty-two,
When I was proudly wearing the distinctive Air Force suit of blue.
I was sent to perform an inspection at another Air Force base.
The Crisis heated up and I was told to get home as fast as I could race!
I landed at LAX and waited impatiently for my grip at the carousel.
At last I spotted it and there was no doubt it was mine I could easily tell.
Upon arriving home I told my spouse and kids all about the trip,
And laid the suitcase on the bed and proceeded to open my grip.
My spouse nearly fainted and much to my children's glee,
(And to my consternation) lay a heap of ladies lingerie!
In my haste at the airport I'd grabbed a bag exactly like mine,
And rushed out of the terminal knowing everything would be fine!
Oft, I've wondered what the lady's baffled husband's reaction was,
When she opened my bag and beheld my drawers and some ciga's!
The airline swapped bags and with the lady there was no direct contact.
The episode became family lore and our marriage remained intact!
Entry for Cindi Rockwell's "My Most Embarrassing Moment" Contest
I have had some embarrassing moments in my life for sure,
Well, there was the time in Grade One when I peed my pants;
At a dance once, three girls wore the same dress as me,
And one day wearing high heels I tripped on the bus.
But I think the most embarrassing moment came not long ago,
I fancied myself a dancer so I joined a local jazz group;
Not some one evening a week deal but the real thing, a school,
We rehearsed three times a week and at home.
Of course, to be a dancer one must look the part of a dancer,
So I invested in shoes and outfits and all the sparkle;
We were rehearsing for a Christmas recital in a theater,
And I knew all my steps, they were etched in my mind.
The night of the recital I was so nervous, well we all were,
We were on stage and my family and friends had come;
The music started and I forgot every single step, I froze,
When a part for spinning came, I spun myself away.
I hung up my jazz shoes after that and never went back,
Embarrassing stuff happens in life and no one ever dies;
But it can still dwell within and hurt your confidence and pride,
Oh as a little girl, I put my hair clip in a electric outlet,
once . . .
_________________
September 21, 2015
Poetry/Narrative/Embarrassing Moment
Copyright Protected, ID 15-711-140-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
For the contest, Embarrassing Moment,
sponsor, Mystic Rose
First Place
My Most Embarrassing Moment?
Twice I’ve entered freeways
On the ramps meant just for exits.
Lordy! How embarrassing is that?
Except nobody knew me
And with little difficulty
I remedied those situations fast!
Twice or thrice I walked into
Restrooms meant for men.
But no one saw me, or, once again,
Nobody knew me.
I got off lucky.
But there was one time
I did it at a pool.
Without my contacts in,
I might as well have just been blind.
I think the guy I walked in on was naked then.
But he did not know me (Saved again!)
Another time, at age fourteen,
I hopped around the yard, a silly teen
Sitting on a big fat ball -
Called Hippity Hop. I took a fall
In front of my new boyfriend.
I split my pants; he didn’t even tell me,
But once I learned what I had done,
That ended our romance!
I ‘m sure I pulled more stunts than that
Through all my years of school.
But being such an airhead
I simply have to say,
My most embarrassing moment -
Whatever it may be -
I don’t recall it anyway!
I scorn thee, Puberty! Damn thee as well,
Thou abominable herder of shame,
Will thou findeth glee by my told sarspell?
I beseech thee of ineffable name,
Rendereth thineself as quiet slain game,
For thine cruel ends be reached, let thine eyes droop,
Immortal Rite, meeteth Poetry Soup.
Forsaken specs findeth young Phillip (me),
He the first noble son born of Sir Mike,
That betrothed Diane, mother of he (me);
Neareth NASA lived they by Houston’s dike,
We plus two girl offsprings I still dislike;
Turneth back time to nineteen ninety five,
Thus now the setting as ocean, we dive.
I of ten years then plus three more years aged,
By mine mom’s woven hand rags yet adorned,
Draperies bindething spirits encaged,
Mine lot too ignorant still ‘be forlorned,
For two years would pass ‘fore Nike I yearned;
Looken now friends, at thine narrator’s dress,
Mine costumes for school were each mismatched mess.
And hath we not yet speaketh mine afro?
Then let us for humor’s saketh too laughs
For atop mine snow pale flesh did it grow!
It was beneath that nest mine brain did graphs
On one Tuesday morn; during sixth grade math,
Unbeknownst of a sneaking wretched pest:
That ineffably named prepubescent guest.
Still in present times remember I can’t,
What the hell kindled mine loins ablaze,
Yet fiery flames of embarrassment
Secretly smoldered through my brainy haze;
When mine teacher upon me called that I raise,
And thus stirred the scene I’ve oft reflected,
The moment I’ve chosen for my most embarrassing?
When in 6th grade math class I stood up…
…fully erected
Embarrassing Moment’s
Hilarious Now But Not Funny Then
Embarrassing moment…. when you realize
Everyone is staring and snickering at me when
I walked out the bathroom with a long peace of toilet paper trailing behind me stuck to my underwear.
I wish someone would have been kind enough to let me know before I walked out of the public bathroom.
Embarrassing moment…. when you realize
A man is giving me dirty looks
because
I’m so preoccupied texting on my cell phone that I walked into a men’s bathroom that was occupied
True embarrassing moment’s stories
10/16/2015
Contest: MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT
Sponsored By: Mystic Rose
Wow, a 2nd camping trip,
Now please don’t flip,
How on earth did I agree,
After the snake and me,
My husband asked so nicely,
And explained precisely
Where we would go,
Not to the bush,
Where a snake lay in ambush!
So hitched up our boat,
To take to Loskop dam
It was the Easter weekend,
Campers began to descend,
We arrived it was almost night,
Hubby sent up our 5 star camp site,
Started our braai late,
Which was to be my embarrassing fate!
We ate heartily and enjoyed
A cariff of wine,
During our campsite dine.
Time for a shower,
Take note of our campsite number
Hubby said, for they all look alike
At night,
And please take this empty
Bottle and fill it with water.
Showered, filled the bottle,
Nervous, had to find the ablutions
in the dark,
Carrying a full bottle that looked like wine,
I got strange looks, wanted to scream
It isn’t mine,
And in any case,
This bottle has no wine!
Each camp site looked the same,
To find my husband was my only aim!
It was an embarrassing situation,
All I felt was a feeling of desolation!
Thought each Range Rover was ours,
I might as well have been on Planet Mars,
It felt as if I had been away hours!
Had not even taken my phone
Had to stop at a camp side and asked
If I could please loan
Their cell to make a call,
That is when I tripped and had a fall,
I called my husband in tears,
He realized immediately what had happened,
Which was one of his fears,
Came and helped me up,
As he was only two camp sites away,
It was my pride that was hurt,
Especially when a passing camper began to flirt,
This was going to be my last camping trip ever,
I exclaimed to hubby, a little pert!
MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT - Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Cindi Rockwell
I was barely seventeen working at my first job,
I was young so I was still in the “nice” stage,
I had this manager who bugged me named Rob,
He had a beautiful wife not deserved named Paige.
Paige never visited her hubby at our work place,
He scarcely talked of her or even of his family,
I had no idea how many children he had raised,
Everyday he thought he was so clever and canny.
One day Paige walked in and I really thought I knew,
For her belly had been so big, full and round,
I asked, “Paige, when is your sweet baby due?”
She glared with anger with no answer to be found.
As her mouth started to open I realized my mistake,
I thought, “oh no! she’s not pregnant after all!”
She said loudly, “who are you anyways, some flake?”
If only I had a rock under which I could crawl.
She continued to rant and I stood there embarrassed,
My blood pressure was flying through the dang roof,
How could I be so impulsive and completely careless?
I swear her belly was so big I thought I had the proof.
Rob ran out frantically to see what was going on,
Paige screamed, “she thought I was pregnant, that flake!”
I was awfully humiliated and could see they weren’t fond,
Never ask a lady when she’s due, it’s an embarrassing mistake.
Date Written: July 4, 2016
It was October the tenth of eighty-eight,
The memory still keeps me awake,
When I agreed to my first and last blind date
And thus made a HORRID mistake!
We met for cocktails at six on the nose
Knowing I had to work around nine
In my bag shoved a bra and casual clothes
Headed off perky, bra-less and fine.
My friend had described him as "funny as hell"
Only hoped she did not mean his face.
The only lone man's head was covered with gel
And two straws in his nostrils were placed.
I tried to make a quick turn around
But his horn-rims were not just for show
His beard held remnants of the food he had downed
And I soon found an excuse to go.
I grabbed up my purse, to my car made a dash
In the dark quickly took off my shirt
Reached for my bra, heard an unsubtle crash
And my senses all went on alert!
And there in my window, redder now than his nose
Stood my date for once flustered and mute.
And upon his head like some white, lacy rose
Was my bra, looking nothing like cute.
And lighting the way, so all could enjoy
My topless display and disgrace
With flashlight in hand, each scout a boy
Was troop 547 Lake Grace.
"You dropped this, I'm sorry" he stammered and ran
As the boys still continued to stare.
"Move along now young men, you helped out that man!
I've no badges pinned on me down there!"
So that is the tale how I gave up all dates
And now ALWAYS stay covered up tight
And how one moment can change all of our fates
Signed, Sister Margaret, Order of Light.
Young and newlywed, I was
visiting my in-laws
Minus husband that time around
as work took me to their town
Sunday, it was, I arrived for lunch
carrying lilies for them in a bunch
Dressed in the best of my possessions
eager to make a fragrant impression
Mother-in-law had cooked rice and beans
sautéed cabbage and peas for the greens
Kept telling her the food was great
as she insisted on refilling my plate.
I could feel my tummy bloat in much haste
under the skinny belt I wore at my waist
Sucked in as she offered me the fruit
but could not repress the foul toot
Out and loud, it unabashedly came
Pity, there was just no one else to blame!
My face must have been white like a ghost’s
that sound of me will be remembered the most
Written on 07/11/2016
Bypassing blue blushes pink as sizzling sun slides behind.
r My Most Embarrassing Moment -A Windmill and a Still
I stopped in a West Texas town –
There wasn’t much to see
Not much to do but sit around
They all just stared at me
I’ve Cowboy’d in some strange places
But this was stranger still
There was cows and empty spaces –
Nothin’ but time to kill
The folks in town just closed their door
Cowboys was in the cold
Thought maybe I could start a roar
Come up with somethin’ bold
Now I'm from Tennessee, my friend
Made whiskey all my life
The folks back home had stills to mend
Before they took a wife
Maybe Texans would like my brew
Might loosen up a mite
If I could share my special stew
And let them see the light !
I used a windmill's drinkin' pot
Water was pure and sweet
I stole some corn from a feedlot-
Some sugar down the street
I made a still in nothin’ flat
From things found layin’ ‘round
Built me a fire from this an' that
And I was whiskey bound!
Next day the smell was dark and sweet
And early in the morn
Doors opened up an' down the street
To see who’s crackin’ corn
Then one by one the menfolk showed
Said what you doin’ there
Said I’m brewin’ a sippin’ load
The best found anywhere
Well I was famous all around –
Not so much with women –
But I charged up this Texas town
Glasses all were brimmin’
For two whole days I poured my brew
Some folks stayed up all night
Guess I shoulda known what to do -
One gunshot, then the fight
They fought around the square awhile
Then moved on down the street
Fought a flat country mile
It never lost the heat
The hotel and the barber shop
Caught fire and burned up well
The courthouse, jail and livery stop
Got shot up all to hell.
The fightin’ finally settled down
As these things always will
I see what Texans do around
A windmill and a still
I stopped in this West Texas town
Not much here, I’ll confess
Never live this embarrassment down
I've made that town a mess
July 10, 2016
Most Embarrassing Moment Contest
Think I'm starting to lose my grip
Forgetting the simplest details
Things that used to be second nature
My mind is now easily derailed
No longer able to draw on the past
Embarrassing moments occur
Vainly searching my once active mind
My memory is starting to blur
Going to work in my Jockey shorts
Can cause quite a stir on the bus
Most passengers pretend not to notice
Nobody wants to make a fuss
Slurping my soup in the local diner
Where everyone knows who I am
Wearing my best goin'-to-church finery
My tie all covered with jam
Life's little embarrassing moments
Happen at a much faster clip
Hopefully it's just a sign of my age
Not a sign I'm losing my grip
© Jack Ellison 2013